Wedding Etiquette

Destination Wedding Locations: Turks and Caicos Islands

2009-07-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

About thirty miles southeast of the Bahamas, the Turks and Caicos are a collection of thirty
islands whose laid-back lifestyle and close proximity to the United States makes then an interesting wedding destination site. The islands are a British Grown Colony, similar to Bermuda.

Wedding Logistics
Officially, the Turks and Caicos Islands require a fifteen-day residency requirement. However, a destination wedding planner told us you. can often- get by with just five days. Using a wedding planner is advisable for acquiring a wedding license here.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
Round-trip airfare from Miami is about $175 to Nassau in the Bahamas. That's the easy part—the trip to the Turks and Caicos, however requires quite a bit of patience. Boats are the most dependable option, but they are definitely slower than air options.

A seven-night package at a nice, higher-end hotel is about $2000 in the winter. Club Med (809-946-4491) has a resort here that charges $2500 per couple for a week which includes meals and drinks. Compared to other Caribbean destinations, these prices are quite reasonable U.S. dollars are legal tender.

What Makes it Special
Great service. Beautiful beaches. That's how we'd up the Turks and Caicos islands, which got the start "farming" salt about a hundred years ago. An interesting touring excursion: Iguana Island. This island, which is just a short boat ride away, has a wide variety of (you guessed it) iguanas. Plan on this vacation being very laid-back and relaxing. While there are plenty of water sports options, this is not a destination with overwhelming nightlife and shopping.

Insider Travel Tips
Due to its farther north latitude, temperatures in the Turks and Caicos can dip into the 60s in winter. On the upside, tropical breezes in summer keep the temperatures from going much above 90°.

Most of the lodging on the Turks is no-frill, with the exception of the splashy Club Med resort on Provo. The shopping is not the attraction here, but the scuba diving is reportedly excellent.
If you want to also take in the nearby Bahamas, the seven-hundred-island chain has some interesting sights. The cities of Nassau and Freeport are more cosmopolitan, with razzle-dazzle shopping and nightlife. Smaller isles (like the Family islands, Abacos, and San Salvador) are more low key and quiet. These islands feature lower room rates than in Nassau. The off-season in the Bahamas runs from mid-April to mid-December— with 33 percent discounts off winter rates.
If you visit Nassau, you probably should avoid Mondays and Thursdays. That's when the cruise ships dock and release throngs of tourists.

Destination Wedding Locations: Necker Island, British Virgin Islands

2009-07-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

Did you think the United States had a monopoly on Virgin Islands. No, the British have their version, right next door. In fact, one of the British Virgins caught our attention for sheer uniqueness: Necker Island. If you want privacy, this is probably the ultimate.

Wedding Logistics
The British Virgin Islands have a three-business-day residency requirement before you can get a marriage license. While the documentation and other rules are not as complex as other parts of the Caribbean, it is probably advisable to hire a professional wedding planner (who is independent or part of a resort) to help complete the paperwork. The cost is is about $60.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
Would you like to rent a Caribbean island just for the two of you? Necker Island is a 74-acre, privately-owned island that can be yours for a mere $5500. Per day. And that's the off-season, which runs from May through November.

Perhaps the best suggestion to make Necker Island slightly more affordable is to take with you 10 of your closest friends. The price for seven to 12 people is $7500, while 13 to 20 guests is $9500 per day. With ten people, the cost would be a bargain at $750 per person per day. Winter rates are higher, as you might guess. From November 14 to May 14, the cost for one to ten persons is $9000 and eleven to twenty guests is $10,900 per day. This place is so private that it counts among its recent visitors the Princess of Wales.

So what do you get for all that money?. Basically, the entire island, which includes two houses with "idyllic views," all meals, pools, two Jacuzzis, water sports equipment and airport transfers. And did we mention the staff of nineteen servants?

If this sounds too expensive, other islands in the British Virgins have more down-to-earth rates. One island in particular offers incredible beaches and top-notch resorts: Virgin Gorda, which, translated, literally means Fat Virgin. Despite this less than glamorous name, Virgin Gorda has powdery white sands and a somewhat rustic feel. Only developed in recent years, the island suffers from slow service, and occasional power and water shortages, even though the main resort has its own water desalination plant.

Despite of the drawbacks, many visitors are impressed by the Little Dix Bay resort (809-495-5555) on Virgin Gorda. This five-hundred-acre luxury retreat has all the modern comforts and a leisurely pace. The price is |615 per couple per night, with discounts available in the low season (summer and fall). All meals are included in that price. The Bitter End Yacht Club (809-494-2746) has comfortable cottages or you can stay on a yacht in the bay. This boat-focused resort runs $280 to $360 per couple per night, which includes meals. That's the high season rate; lower prices are available in the off season. There isn't much nightlife on Virgin Gorda; the laid-back ambiance is the main draw.

Another interesting island in the British Virgins is Tortola, which is the seat of the islands' government. The stellar resort here is the four-star Long Bay Beach (809-495-4252), which offers an affordable $1650 per couple package for seven nights in the low season. This price includes a private patio, breakfast, and four dinners.

What Makes it Special
Unlike the U.S. Virgin Islands, the British Virgins offer a more authentic Caribbean vacation. Here you won't find the throngs of tourists who just disembarked from giant cruise ships. While the pace is slower, many of the resorts are top-notch. The culture here is "sea-oriented." One travel book author likened the British Virgins to an "Americanized Bermuda, without the perfect packaging and with higher prices."

Insider Travel Tips
The most common way to get to the British Virgins is from Puerto Rico. You can also take a boat from St. Thomas. Insiders tell us you can count on delays and any boat trip should be taken with little or no luggage (it tends to get lost). The best advice: ask the resort for the best.route to get there. U.S. currency is legal tender in the British. Virgins.

Destination Wedding Locations: Jamaica

2009-07-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

Sandal's offers all inclusive honeymoon packages at ten resorts in Jamaica, Antigua, St.Lucia, and Barbados. You can also get married at almost any of their resorts (the exception is the Sandal's in Barbados, where a long residency requirement nixes easy nuptials there).

Wedding Logistics
One of the best aspects about a Sandal's wedding is that they handle all the paperwork and hassle of getting a marriage license. At least a month prior to the wedding, the resort requests that you send the following information: a cover letter with the name of the hotel, dates of travel, daytime phone numbers, date and time of the wedding, occupations, and fathers' names (if not stated on birth certificates).

Jamaica has a twenty-four-hour residency requirement (basically, you must be on the island at least one day before you can get married). Documents needed include the bride and groom's birth certificates, divorce decree or former spouse's death certificate (if previously married),, adoption papers or name changes. One plus: you don't have to have originals of those documents—notarized copies will do.

Antigua and St. Lucia require the same documents, except notarized copies won't do—you need the originals. These islands also have a longer residency requirement of seventy-two hours.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
Sandal's offers what is probably the best deal for intimate (bride and groom only) weddings in the Caribbean: for $500, you can get married at one of their resorts. This price includes champagne, a 5x7 wedding photograph (more photography is available at an extra charge), a-witness, an officiant, wedding cake, flowers for the bride and groom, manicures/pedicures or massages, video, morning or sunset cruise, and a personalized dinner.

Sandal's is currently putting together a full-scale wedding program with more extensive offerings. Possible future packages will include destination weddings with island themes for the bride, groom and guests.

Honeymoon packages are similarly affordable. To stay at a Sandal's resort in Jamaica during high season runs about $2000 to $3000 per week. During low season (April through December), the Sandals Negril runs $2645 per couple. Considering the all-inclusive nature of the packages (see below), this is a pretty good deal.

What Makes it Special
Sandal's is famous for their all-inclusive packages. Besides accommodations, the price also includes all meals, drinks, entertainment, airport transfers, taxes, gratuities, sport activities, and limited instruction for water sports, etc. All rooms have air-conditioning, king size beds and satellite TVs and telephones. Accommodations include beachfront rooms, junior suites and one-bedroom suites.

As for the food, you get three meals a day plus "anytime beach bars and grills" for snacks. Breakfast and lunch are buffet style, while dinner is a la carte. Gourmet restaurants are also available by reservation. Free beverages (both alcoholic and non-alcoholic) are available from the bars and cocktail lounges. Activities include equipment and instruction for golf, windsurfing, snorkeling, water skiing and more. If you stay at a Sandals in Jamaica, you can visit other Sandals resorts on the island at no charge. At night, entertainment includes discos, theme parties, and more.

Insider Travel Tips
According to travel industry insiders we interviewed, the biggest advantage to Sandals is their all-inclusive packages, which include meals and alcoholic drinks. On the down side, no children are allowed. While the accommodations are nice, they're not high-end or particularly plush. Insiders tell us the resorts appeal to a younger crowd (mid to late twenties) who are somewhat less-traveled. Sandals are "very American," said a recent visitor to one of the Jamaican resorts. If you're looking for ethnic ambiance, you may want to look elsewhere.

The wedding package, while very affordable, is what others have described as "spartan." Typical flowers for the bride include a small nosegay of chrysanthemums and carnations—if you're expecting a flowing bouquet of roses and orchids you may be disappointed. Another criticism: the wedding package is very 'American," with little island or ethnic flavor.

On the upside, where else can you get married and spend a week in the Caribbean for under $4000? The ability to visit different resorts (even on other islands) and still know that all your meals and activities are included certainly relieves some of the stress that goes with any vacation.

Destination Wedding Locations: St. Thomas, St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands

2009-07-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

The Virgin Islands have been a virtual revolving-door of colonial powers, who have continually swapped the islands in a geopolitical gin rummy. "Discovered" in 1493 by Christopher ("Hey, I think we're near China") Columbus, the Virgins were first ruled by the English. In 1650, the English were kicked out by the Spanish, who were then thrown out on their butts by the French. Later, in 1653, Malta (that dinky island nation in the Mediterranean) came to rule the Virgin Islands, but nobody is sure why. When the Maltese needed money for a pizza expedition to Italy, they sold the island back to the French. Next came the Danish in 1666, who took control of the islands in order to ensure safe passage of pastries to the New World.

During World War I, the United States purchased the Virgins from Denmark for $25 million, ostensibly to protect shipping traffic passing through the newly minted Panama Canal. However, recent documents unearthed in federal archives revealed that the Virgin Islands were actually coveted by President Woodrow Wilson's cabinet, who mistakenly thought the islands were home to thousands of wild women.

Nevertheless, the Virgin Islands (where some wild partying is said-to still occur) are one of the easiest locations in the Caribbean to visit and get married. After all, they belong to the United States, so they speak English, use our money, and don't require any passports or other travel documents.

Wedding Logistics
The U.S. Virgins require a completed marriage application form from both the bride and groom. It must be typed and notarized. There is no blood test or physical exam. The applications must be forwarded to the Territorial Court of the U.S. Virgin Islands (809-774-7325) in advance—at least two weeks before you plan to arrive.

Once received, the application takes eight days for processing. During this time, the application is posted for public inspection. After that the license can be issued but you must pick it up in person (unless your wedding planner has been authorized by the court to pick it up for you). There is a $50 fee. Fortunately, there is no residency requirement.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
Debra Filkins of Touches of Romance Paradise Weddings (809-774-8232) plans weddings on St. Thomas (the main island in the U.S. Virgin Islands). We spoke to her recently about what it costs to get married there. She has four different packages that range from $300 to $2700.
All packages include choice of site, transportation to and from the wedding, choice of clergy, marriage license fee, witnesses, a written copy of the wedding ceremony, a bridal bouquet and matching bouton-niere, wedding cake, and commemorative wedding photo album. The most expensive package, for $2700, also includes a bottle of Dom Perignon with keepsake champagne flutes, over seventy photos and a ceremony videotape, limo service, live music, and a helicopter ride to a secluded beach followed by a private picnic. Debra requires a 50 percent deposit to book the date with the balance to be paid at the wedding. The deposit is refundable up to fifteen days prior to the wedding. Debra told us many folks stop off in St. Thomas from a cruise, marry here, and then continue on with the rest of the cruise.

If you plan to stay in the Virgins, hotel packages range from $1700 to $3800 per couple for a seven-night stay. For example, we've heard raves about the Ganeel Bay resort (800-223-7637 or 809-776-6111) on St. John. This 170-acre resort has seven beaches that ring a peninsula. The 171 guest rooms have views of a garden courtyard or the sea. Honeymoon packages run $1495 to $2580 per couple for seven nights in low season (May 1 to November 6), $1630 to $2890 in the shoulder season (April and November 7 to December 19) and $2330 to $3800 in high season January through March). Three-night packages in the off and shoulder seasons run $650 to $1250. Included in the price are activities and a beach barbecue. Other plans include an "island hopper" package, tennis, scuba diving, and land/sail options.

What Makes it Special
In the winter, humpbacked whales mate in the nearby waters. Isn't that romantic? The Virgins have a wide variety of beaches, shopping and, of course, water sports. Access to other nearby islands for more rustic and/or private vacations makes the Virgins a common jumping-off point. Since it is a U.S. territory, you don't have to exchange your money for some exotic currency.

Insider Travel Tips
Many people (especially seasoned travelers) find that St. Thomas is very touristy and crowded. Recent crime sprees have given parts of this island a less than stellar reputation. Our advice: get married here and then quickly leave for a more exciting island. For example, nearby St. John's (the smallest of the three U.S. Virgin Islands) is stunning. Two thirds of this laid-back island is a national park.

If you want to stay on St. Thomas, be aware that crime along the waterfront between the town and marina makes wandering around outside of well-traveled routes in less-busy hours ill-advised. The hills are home to the some of the island's best restaurants—but the drive at night makes some people nervous. Best bet: take a taxi. A car is rather essential to get around on St. Thomas or St. John. Thanks to the Danish, drivers drive on the left (or wrong) side of the road.

While you don't need a passport to visit the Virgins, you do need proof of U.S. citizenship to leave. This can be a passport, driver's license, birth certificate, voter registration card, etc.

Destination Wedding Locations: Aruba, Jamaica, Caribbean

2009-07-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

As we write this section, we're listening to some Jimmy Buffett music. We strongly recommend a dose of Buffett to get a good feel for the Caribbean. All those tourists covered with oil. That frozen concoction that helps me hang on. Searching for my lost shaker of salt. You get the idea. A destination wedding and honeymoon in the Caribbean could be just what the doctor ordered. But choose carefully.

First, understand that all islands are not created equal in the eyes of the Wedding Gods. Each of the islands has its own rules—some are minimal, others require you to be on the island for, say, forty days and forty nights before you can tie the knot. In this section, we review a selection of islands that are the easiest (and most attractive) sites for a wedding.

Second, the islands vary greatly in character and class. Some are seedy while others are charming. A few are warm and inviting, while others can be rather snobby. Before you chart your course for the Caribbean, do some research. Talk with others who have visited the destination. Get advice from a travel agent. Read those travel guide books (our personal favorite: The Fielding Guide to the Caribbean by Margaret Zellers. Her refreshingly candid comments are indispensable). What follows is a brief primer to what we think are the best places to get married in the Caribbean.

Best Time to Go
Everyone wants to escape the cold winter in the United States, so Caribbean rates are highest then. In the summer (roughly from mid-April to mid-December), you can save as much as 40 percent off the winter high-season prices. The best bargains: shoulder season rates in late April and again in November.

What's the weather like? What do you expect? Steady trade winds modify the climate, keeping it from getting too hot in the summer. The rainy season, usually in the fall, has quick and heavy showers that may occur late at night or early in the morning. Hence, they don't usually affect your plans. Hurricanes, on the other hand, are no fun at all. The hurricane season is June through November. While only a few storms may form a year, they're unpredictable and are prone to travel wherever they darn well please.

Destination Wedding Locations: Switzerland

2009-07-07T09:10:00.000-07:00

If you've skied all the domestic ski resorts and are looking for a little international flavor, check out the incredible slopes of Switzerland. And getting married here is easier than you think. From towns with glitzy nightlife and shopping like St. Moritz to ski resorts like Grindelwald, Switzerland offers a wide variety of things to do.

Wedding Logistics
Grindelwald and St. Moritz require no residency or waiting period. However, planners we interviewed suggested arriving three days early to get a marriage license and do any last-minute document processing. Start planning anywhere from three to six months ahead—you need that time to do the paperwork and fulfill the filing requirements. Switzerland recognizes only civil ceremonies.

Local Bridal Customs
The Swiss blend both French and German customs in their weddings. A horse-drawn carriage is a romantic way to get the ceremony, while a yodel choir is often the perfect musical accompaniment to a Swiss wedding.

Best Time to Go
Obviously, the skiing is the big attraction. The resorts have both high and low seasons in winter and summer. For example, December 18 through January 6 is high season at many hotels in St. Moritz. Meanwhile, low winter season is January 6 through February 5. In the summer, most of July is the low season, while August is high. This may be due to the fact that most Europeans take vacations in August.

Many airlines slash their air fares to Europe in the winter. This savings may far outweigh higher hotel prices. The cheapest destinations usually are London or Amsterdam. You can then get a connecting flight to Switzerland. One example: Singapore Airlines last year offered super-low winter fares from New York to Frankfurt—just $328 per person. Check with your travel agent for the latest deals.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
While the airfare to Switzerland is cheap(er) in the winter, once you get there you should expect to shell out the big bucks. Thanks to a weak dollar, Switzerland is quite expensive.
For example, even a simple wedding with flowers, cake, and photographer in Europe runs about $2000, according to our sources. In Switzerland, some of this cost is for the license—about $325 plus additional money for document translations.

In Grindelwald, rates at various hotels range from $129 to $592 per couple per night. Summer packages are more affordable, at $695 to $1835 per couple for seven nights.
A stay in St. Moritz isn't any less expensive. The Badrutt's Palace Hotel (082-2-11-01) runs an astounding $828 per night in the winter. Summer is $690. Meals are also expensive; expect a $26 tab for a continental breakfast, while dinner for two can top $150.

What Makes it Special
Grindelwald boasts some of the best powder in Europe, as well as a resort town with fifty restaurants. In the summer, check out the Alpine Cheese Excursion festival. Glacier Gorge and Blue Ice Cave are nearby, and the highest railway station in Europe is accessible via a Cogwheel Railway.

Destination Wedding Locations: Scotland

2009-07-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

Great Britain is quite a popular honeymoon destination for couples looking for a bit of ancient history, pomp, and circumstance plus (as an added bonus) natives who speak a reasonably intelligible version of English. Scotland offers a different ambience for those not interested in the big-city life in London or the ultra-touristy haunts of England like Stratford or Bath. Instead, you can opt for a little Highland fun with bagpipes, kilts, and haunted castles—it's even possible to get married in such a location.

Wedding Logistics
Scotland doesn't have a residency requirement, but complex rules and regulations make hiring a professional destination wedding planner a must. There is a filing period which averages six weeks for document processing. The cost of a license is 26 pounds (about $45 dollars).

Local Bridal Customs
From kilts to bagpipe music, many couples incorporate local traditions when they marry in Scotland. Lute players often provide soft ceremony music while tapestries provide unique backgrounds for wedding photos.

Best Time to Go
The best time to visit Scotland is in the late spring or summer. While it is always rainy year round, the winter can be much worse. It can even snow in the high altitudes of Scotiand and the damp, cold weather is not much fun. By comparison, the driest and warmest weather is June, July, and August, which also corresponds to the high tourist season.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
Europe ain't a cheap place to tie the knot and Scotland is no exception. Expect to pay $2000 for
a simple ceremony, cake, flowers, and an on-site coordinator.

For the honeymoon, you can stay in a castle for about $400 a night, while an inn runs about $200. In the western highlands, Inverlochy Castle (01.1-44-397-702177) has sixteen guest rooms; prices start at $384 per couple in the high season and include a full break-
fast. Inverlochy apparently has a famous afternoon tea that is the highlight of the stay.
A less expensive alternative is Creggan's Inn (011- 44-369-86279) at $256 per night, which includes breakfast and dinner.

What Makes it Special
Since the Scots invented it, golf is no doubt one of the biggest attractions in Scotland—diehard fans will find the many courses quite challenging. Other outdoor sports such as hiking and camping are also popular.

History buffs will be enchanted with the many castles and ruins to visit. These include Balmoral Gasde (Queen Elizabeth's vacation home), the grounds, of which are open to the public from May to July (except when the royal family is in residence).

Of the dozens of other castles open to visitors, Drum Castle in Drumoak is. certainly worth a stop. The castle actually has one of the rings of Mary, Queen of Scots on display as well as various other artifacts. Graigievar Castle, a seventeenth-century structure near Lumphanan, has quite a collection of weaponry, family portraits^ a dungeon, and a few ghosts as well.
Don't forget to visit Scodand's most famous inhabitant: the Loch Ness Monster. In fact, Scotland has quite a few lakes and streams with excellent fishing— just don't catch Nessie!

Destination Wedding Locations: Australia

2009-07-07T08:59:00.000-07:00

If you've always wanted to discover what a "Vegi-Mite" sandwich was or just scuba dive to one of the world's most incredible reefs, Australia might just be the destination wedding and honeymoon site for you.

Wedding Logistics
Australia has no blood test or residency requirement for brides and grooms. There is, however a thirty-one-day filing period for document processing. You can get all the necessary documents from one of the seven Australian consulates in the United States. To get the number of the closest consulate to you, call the Australian embassy in Washington, D.G., at 202-797-3000.
Different states in Australia have varying marriage license requirements. Some states like Victoria and Tasmania require an additional fee if the wedding is over the weekend or in a special venue such as a park or restaurant.

Best Time to Go
Australia's seasons are the reverse of ours here in the States. Hence, the prime summer season runs from December through March. Winter begins in July. The closer to the equator (or further north) you are, the stronger the sun. Of course, there are wide variations in climate from region to region. For example, southern Australia's climate is more temperate, while the northern third of the country is tropical. Temperatures in Sydney average in the low to high 70s, with hotter readings in the summer. By contrast, Queensland in the north has temperatures in the 80s.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
The best bargains may be the many air/hotel packages that are offered by tour companies. Airfare alone from Los Angeles can run $1200 per person in the high season. Contrast that to package deals that start at $ 1500 for both air and hotel.

For example, a sojourn to the Great Barrier Reef in Queensland at the Kwarra Beach resort runs $1598 per person. That price includes round-trip airfare from Los Angeles, five nights of luxury accommodations with all.breakfasts, cruises to the outer reef, three dinners, and one lunch. This tour, offered by Expanding Horizons (800-421-6416), is a best buy.

Want to take in Sydney, too? A fourteen-day package (offered by Swain Australia Tours, 800-227-9246) to both Sydney and the Great Barrier Reef runs $6300 per couple. That includes five nights- on Hayman Island at the Great Barrier .Reefs, outer reef excursions, four nights in Sydney at the Park Lane Hotel, a Sydney Harbor cruise, three nights at Silky Oaks Lodge in the. rain forests and, if that weren't enough, a rain-forest safari. The price also includes airfare. You can even get married on Hayman Island—the wedding package includes a justice of the peace, live music, and a reception.

What Makes it Special
The tremendous variety of sights and things to do makes Australia a fascinating honeymoon site. From cosmopolitan Sydney to the "garden city of Melbourne" (whose botanic gardens feature exotic plants and nineteenth-century landscaping), you can have a "civilized" trip or go for a little adventure. The island of Tasmania has lots of bed-and-breakfast inns and. rolling pastures and herds of sheep, similar, to pastoral parts of England. The northern territory is rugged and dry, highlighted by the aboriginal paintings and rock formations of Kakadu National Park. Gawler Range Wilderness Safaris (086/802020) offers safaris into South Australia's Gawler Mountain range. There aren't any roads, but lots of wildlife makes the rugged travel worth it.

Insider Travel Tips
The plane ride is a very long seventeen to eighteen hours. You may want to break up the flight with a stay in Los Angeles (if you are travelling from the East Coast) or in Hawaii.

Destination Wedding Locations: Kenya, Africa

2009-07-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

Tired of the Caribbean? Looking for something more exotic? How about a safari wedding in Africa? Let's be honest here—a wedding in Kenya is not for everyone. The main appeal will be for wildlife enthusiasts and travel connoisseurs.

Wedding Logistics
Kenya requires a three-business-day residency before you can get your marriage license. Documents needed include a birth certificate and proof of a divorce (if previously married). There are no medical tests, and tour companies such as International Ventures (mentioned below) will arrange for document processing.

Local Bridal Customs
In addition to the standard wedding that comes as a part of International Ventures package, you can also hire a local children's choir ($95) or chukka drummers ($180.) The wedding ceremony can be held in a thatched chapel with a view of Mount Kenya. One interesting local wedding tradition: the bride and groom often have their wrists bound in grass as a symbol of their commitment to each other.

Best Time to Go
The peak season is May through mid August. Another peak season runs from December to January 15. Prices vary a small amount from high to low seasons.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
International Ventures offers an eleven-day safari wedding package for $2995 per person (low season) or $3245 per person (high season). Included in that price is round-trip airfare from New York, all meals except in Nairobi, game park entrance fees, and assistance in applying for wedding license. The wedding ceremony is held at the plush Mt. Kenya Safari Club resort and includes a wedding cake and complimentary suite upgrade. (Extras include a photographer $230, video $460, string quartet by river $690, horse-drawn carriage $50).

As for the safari, you will be flown over wildlife sanctuaries and driven out to view the African game in the area. The tour company offers different levels of "experience," ranging from "mobile quality tented safaris" (the least expensive) to "classic luxury tented" outings. The most expensive are the "premier lodge safaris," where guests stay in lodges during the outings instead of tents.

What Makes it Special
This is truly a one-of-a-kind experience. Each tour is limited to a small number of participants. In addition, the tour company makes a small donation for each tour to one of several wildlife conservation programs in East Africa. And how many of your friends can say they were married on safari in Africa?

Insider Travel Tips
Be prepared for the lengthy flight—a whopping fifteen hours from New York to Kenya via a direct South African Airways flight.

Destination Wedding Locations: Greece

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From ancient ruins to beach resorts, Greece offers a European destination wedding and reception with an added advantage: prices here are comparatively less- than other nearby countries. And the country's relatively lax marriage laws make tying the knot much easier than in, say, France or Italy.

Wedding Logistics
Greece has no residency requirements or waiting-periods to get a marriage license. For a civil ceremony, you apply to the mayor (or "president") of the community where you plan to get married. Greece requires couples desiring a religious ceremony to get a marriage license from the parish priest of that town.

The process of getting a marriage license in Greece is a little complicated—documents like, birth certificates must be translated, notices in Greek must be placed in local newspapers and there is a short "filing period" (processing time). Religious ceremonies have other restrictions and requirements. Despite the red tape, Greece is still easier than other European countries. You may want to seek the help of a professional wedding planner (see the end of this section), however, to wade through all the requirements and rules.

Here's another nice option: for a civil ceremony in Greece, you can actually use a U.S. marriage license to tie the knot in Greece, as long as it is authenticated by a Greek consulate in the United States and translated.

Local Bridal Customs
Witnesses, who also serve as interpreters, are considered "spiritual" relatives to assist the priest in bringing the couple to holy matrimony. In addition, the Unique Tours wedding package we describe below incorporates other Greek wedding traditions into the ceremonies, flowers, music, and so on.

Best Time to Go
Greece has a bewildering series' of high and low seasons, depending on where you are. As you might expect, beach-front resorts have a high season in the summer months (June through August). Meanwhile, Athens and other mainland cities have discounts at those times. Islands also have their own high and low seasons. For example, Petassos Beach Hotel on Mykonos island has a low season from April through mid-May and in October—rates are nearly 40 percent less than high season, which runs mid-June through September. The bottom line: check carefully for the best deals at each location.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
Unique Tours is the foremost authority on Greek nuptials. Company's wedding and honeymoon packages are priced on an a la carte basis.
For example, a Christian wedding ceremony in Athens runs $555 (the same ceremony on an island is $615). This fee covers processing of all documents for a marriage license, a priest, and two witnesses. Extras include document translations ($7 per page), flowers ($112 for a bride's bouquet and groom's boutonniere), and photography ($343 in Athens, the islands are $375) which yields fifty photographs. Video services run $380 in Athens to $440 on the islands. Add it all up and a basic wedding on a Greek island with flowers, photographer, and video is about $1600.

A ten-day honeymoon package that includes time on two islands plus a stay in Athens runs $2639 per couple in high season or $2228 in low season. That price includes airfare between the islands, but not international airfares. We should note that Unique Tours wedding packages require a ten-day stay.

The company also has other theme tours including an "Early Christian Experience" package, which mirrors travels by the apostles, and a "Cruises with Epirotiki" plan with classical Greek themes plus an excursion to Turkey. One of the more interesting honeymoon accommodations in Greece is a replica of a windmill that is actually a three-story luxury villa overlooking the Mediterranean. Three nights here run $948 per couple.

Overall, we liked the way you can mix and match various destinations and outings instead of being locked into a rigid schedule.

What Makes it Special
Greece offers a wide variety of things to do for a destination wedding and honeymoon: cruises between the islands, sightseeing at ancient ruins, a history that dates back several thousand years, both early Greek and early Christian heritage, museums in Athens, island hopping, and more.

Insider Travel Tips
If you plan to wed in Greece on a Unique Tours package, all your documents must be to the company's office at least two months prior to departure. As a result, you may need to begin planning a Greek wedding and honeymoon a good three to six months in advance.

Destination Wedding Locations: Turtle Island, Fiji

2009-07-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

Winding white beaches, dense jungle foliage, a crescent-shaped cove below black lava cliffs,
coconut groves through which Chinese pheasants run wild, rainbow colored fish in incredibly clear blue water." That's an account of a fictional South Pacific island from a 1906 novel that was later adapted for the 1980 film, "Blue Lagoon," starring Brooke Shields. When Columbia Pictures searched for locations to shoot the movie, the studio considered over a thousand islands and finally decided on the one that best matched the above description: Turtle Island, Fiji.

Wedding Logistics
Quite simple. Basically, the resort takes care of all the details. You bring your birth certificate (or a copy), a passport, and a divorce decree (if divorced). Two types of ceremonies are available on Turtle Island: Roman Catholic and Methodist. For Catholic weddings, the resort recommends that you contact your parish priest in the United States and find out what his requirements are. For example, some diocese require completion of a marriage preparation program, proof of baptism, etc. All this paperwork should be sent to the Catholic priest in Fiji about four months before the wedding. Another additional requirement: Catholic couples must be in Fiji three days prior to the wedding, since the license must be in the hands of the local Fijian priest at least two days before the wedding day.

With Methodist weddings, there is no waiting period or residency requirements. (We should note, however, that the resort recommends you fly in on a weekday at least three days before your wedding day. This time is used to obtain the license, get fitted with the traditional Fiji attire, and plan the wedding feast.) Contrast this to nearby Tahiti, which requires a lengthy forty-day residency period and translations of documents into French.

Local Bridal Customs
Weddings on Turtle Island closely follow Fijian traditions. Held at sunset on the beach, the bride and groom dress in tapa cloth, traditional Fiji wedding attire. "Tapa is made from tree bark and hand-painted with traditional Fijian symbols in tan, brown, and black," the resort's wedding literature explains.

"The trumpeting of conch shells announce the. bride's arrival on the wedding raft (a bill bilx). Drums beat ceremonial rhythms as the bride disembarks and is escorted to her groom by two Fijian attendants. As they approach the archway of the outdoor altar, they are heralded by a robed Fijian choir. After the special kava ceremony (which seals the marriage), the newly-weds are carried on a throne to the wedding lovo, or feast, typically consisting of roast pig, fresh seafood, and other local delicacies."

Best Time to Go
The cheapest air fares from the States are during our summer months—June, July, and August. Since Fiji is in the southern hemisphere, seasons there are the reverse of ours. The Fiji winter (our summer) is the driest time of the year. The rainy season is December through early April, with most of the rain coming during March. Temperatures don't vary much year-round, with lows in the mid 70s and highs in the mid to upper 80s. May through October is marked by slightly cooler temperatures and lower humidity.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
The wedding package described above runs $1000, plus 10 percent tax. Considering all you get. (minister, choir, apparel, flowers, photography, video, and reception) this is a pretty good deal.
A one-week stay on. Turtle Island runs $6270 per couple. Accommodations are beach front cottages, each of which has a separate sitting room and two bathrooms. The price includes all meals, snacks, beverages, airport transfers, and activities—fishing, scuba diving, r horseback riding, water sports, and sunlight cruises. You can reserve private beaches for private champagne picnic lunches. The only place to spend extra money is the gift shop.

There is no high or low season on Turde—the price stays the same year-round. If those prices are too high, there are several other resorts in Fiji which run $2000 to $3000 per couple per week. Of course, those prices don't include meals or airport transfers.
Airfare to Fiji from Los Angeles runs about $750 per person in low season (summer) and $1050 per person in high season (winter).

What Makes it Special
What impressed us most about the Turde Island wedding/honeymoon package is the all-inclusive package. The ceremony steeped in native traditions, the no-hassle honeymoon that includes all meals, and the spectacular setting makes Turde Island a wonderful destination.
Another plus: the five-hundred-acre resort only-has fourteen cottages and encompasses all of Turtle Island. There are no huge crowds or throngs of tourists on Turde.

Insider Travel Tips
The flight time from Los Angeles is thirteen hours, which includes a stopover in Hawaii. You may want to break up the trip back home with a brief one- or two-night stay in Hawaii.

Destination Wedding Locations: Cancun, Acapulco, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

2009-07-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

One of the best bargains for a destination wedding and honeymoon is Mexico. Compared to the sky-high prices of the Caribbean and Hawaii, Mexico looks darned affordable. And when you compare hotel prices here with a stay in Europe . . . well, it's no contest.

That's not to say that a wedding and honeymoon in Mexico is free. When you factor in airfare, hotel, meals, and shopping during a week's stay at a nice resort, the total tab can run $2000 to $3000. Package options, as we'll discuss later, are the most affordable way to go. A basic wedding will run you about $500, with more elaborate options at $1000 and up.

Perhaps the most difficult decision about planning a far and away wedding in Mexico is which location to choose—each resort area has its own style and character. Here's an overview of what we consider the best places to tie the knot: Cancun/Cozumel, Acapulco, and Puerto Vallarta.

CANCUN/COZUMEL. The best thing about Cancun and Cozumel is that you can get Caribbean water at a Mexican price. The white sand beaches, the plush resorts, a plethora of water sports—you get the idea.

Seasoned travellers tell-us Cancun is a young person's resort. And, as evidenced by the throngs of spring-breakers who flock here once a year, this fact has not gone unnoticed.
A thirty minute flight from Cancun is the island of Gozumel. Here you'll find some of the best scuba diving and snorkeling in the country. The shopping is limited, but the leisurely pace stands in contrast to Cancun.

A few hours away from Cancun are two famous Mayan ruins, including Chichen Itza, which is the largest and most fascinating.

ACAPULCO. On the Pacific coast, Acapulco is famous for its culture and history. The water and beaches aren't as outstanding as Cancun, but the hotels, private homes, and villas are stand-outs. The hustle and bustle here continues well past sunset with a busy nighdife. Great restaurants overlook the harbor and shopping is fantastic.

PUERTO VALLARTA. Further up the coast from Acapulco is Puerto Vallarta, made famous by the 1964 movie, "Night of the Iguana," starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. This resort has a totally different feel than Cancun or Acapulco. Cobblestone streets and outstanding restaurants give the town an international ambience, enhanced by the sporty boutiques and great shopping. Take a day trip into the jungle for a mini-safari. On the down side, Puerto Vallarta has only "average" beaches and water, according to travellers we've interviewed.

Wedding Logistics
Only civil marriages are legal in Mexico. As for requirements and documentation, each federal district (roughly the equivalent of states) of Mexico has its own rules and regulations. Some require blood tests and a medical exam with chest X-rays by a Mexican doctor. Fortunately, most of the tourist areas have relaxed marriage license rules that do not include such extensive medical exams.

There is no residency period, but you must have your birth certificate certified or notarized (unlike other regions of the country, the three destinations we highlight here require no translations). There are a few more paperwork requirements and the bureaucracy in Mexico is famous for its red tape. Hence, we strongly recommend that you use the services of a professional wedding planner or a resort's wedding coordinator to ensure you've complied with all the rules. The bottom line: with all the paperwork and regulations, it takes about three to five days processing time to get a marriage license in Mexico.

Local Bridal Customs
Mexican weddings are full of ethnic traditions and color. From mariachi bands to bridal bouquets of flowing bird-of-paradise flowers, you can pick and choose different options. The most common wedding-cake is a single-layer "tres leche" confection of white cake. At receptions, friends and family circle the bride and groom while they dance their first dance.

Best Time to Go
High season runs from Christmas through April, with prices at their peak. Perhaps the best time to visit is from November 28 through December 15—the weather is quite nice and the premium prices haven't kicked in. Other discounts can be had during the off season in the summer and fall.
As for the weather, the coastal areas boast a tropical climate, with temperatures in the 70s and 80s in winter and 90+ in the summer. Each region of Mexico has a different climate, so you may want to research an area before making plans.

Cost, Accommodations, and Getting Around
Compared to Caribbean destinations, Mexico is one of the most affordable destinations around. You could pay as littie as $140 per night for a standard room in a nice resort in low season, up to $ 185 in high season. Overall, a Mexico hotel stay runs about 30 percent less than a similar room at a resort in the Caribbean or Hawaii. Dinner at a nice restaurant costs about $50. Contrast that with Hawaii, where dinner for two can often run $75 to $100 or more.

Some of the more interesting packages we discovered include Acapulco's Westin Las Brisas (800-228-3000), which offers rates from $980 per couple for three nights to $2176 per couple for seven nights in the low season (April 18 to December 18). That price includes continental breakfast, one dinner, a rental jeep, and all gratuities.

In Cancun, the Ritz Carlton Cancun (800-241-3333) has a three-night package for $1330 in low season and $1482 in the high season. Extra nights are $247 to $293, respectively. The plan includes a candlelight dinner on a private balcony and a day excursion to the ancient Mayan city of Tulum.

So diving is your passion and Cozumel your ultimate destination? We discovered that the Stouffer Présidente Cozumel hotel (800-HOTELS-l) offers an eight-night package for $1260 per couple in the low season, which includes breakfasts, one dinner, and gratuities.

Puerto Vallarta may be the most affordable of all, with a seven-night package at Fiesta Americana (800-FIESTA-1) costing a mere $920 per couple; this includes breakfast, one dinner, and rental car discounts.

Destination Wedding Locations: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

2009-07-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

A friend of ours who is a golf fanatic moved to Myrtle Beach a couple of years ago and thought he had died and gone to heaven. The area's numerous world-class courses, combined with mild
winter weather, was a dream come true. Of course, there's more to this popular resort
than golf—the boardwalk, shops, and carnivals, plus sixteen miles of beaches make
Myrtie Beach one of the country's top destination wedding and honeymoon sites.

Wedding Logistics
Compared to- neighboring states, South Carolina's marriage requirements are a breeze. There is no blood test or medical, exam. While there is a twenty-four-hour waiting period between the time you get a license and when you can be married, this can be waived by applying for a license ahead of time in writing. The cost is $15.

By comparison, Georgia requires a test for venereal disease to get a marriage license, and North Carolina is even worse: brides and grooms must be checked for mental incompetence, tuberculosis, venereal disease, and rubella. No wonder South Carolina looks like a better bet for a destination wedding.

Local Bridal Customs
As with other southern states, you're likely to encounter groom's cakes at wedding receptions in South Carolina. This is a separate chocolate cake that is theoretically for the groom, while a wedding cake is the "bride's" cake.

Best Time to Go
Summer in South Carolina can be a steam bath, with temperatures in the 90s. Cooler temperatures and fewer crowds make April and May (after Easter and before Memorial Day) nice months to visit, as well as September and October.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
One of the best things about a wedding/honeymoon in Myrtle Beach is the relatively moderate cost. Most resort hotels on the beach are in the $150-per-night range. For example, the Breakers Resort (800-845-0688) offers a three-night package during high season (June 26 though August 15) for $490. You get a one-bedroom suite, flowers, champagne, and breakfast in bed every day. The room has an ocean view, double whirlpool bath, plus a full kitchen. Seven nights runs $1110. In the slower months like April, the same room rents for $331 for three nights and $739 for seven.

What Makes it Special
Myrtle Beach has fifty, that's right, fifty golf courses. A variety of activities, including horseback riding and hiking, will keep you busy. And, unlike other parts of the country, the locals are quite friendly.

Insider Travel Tips
As with other coastal areas along the Atlantic seaboard, hurricane season runs from June through September. Be prepared for rain, especially in the spring and fall.

Destination Wedding Locations: Tahoe

2009-07-06T11:41:00.000-07:00

Less than a day's drive from the West Coast is the largest alpine lake in America: Lake Tahoe. Straddling the California/Nevada border, the twenty-of two-mile-long lake offers the best of both worlds: skiing and gambling (on the Nevada side, of course).

Wedding Logistics
As long as you're on the Nevada side of the border, getting a marriage license is relatively easy. There is no waiting period or blood test—-just bring your driver's license and $40 cash. California's more restrictive marriage laws require a medical examination (see the article on getting married in San Diego).

Best Time to Go
Like most ski resorts, the Lake Tahoe area is busiest the week after Christmas and during spring break in March. The ski resorts (most of which are on the California side) are packed during those times. Meanwhile, the Nevada resorts tend to charge lower prices during the winter than the summer. Hence the best time to go depends on what you want to do— gambling, skiing, outdoor hikes, or just relaxing by the pool?

What Makes it Special
Nine area ski resorts (including Squaw Valley and Heavenly) combined with the casinos make Lake Tahoe a unique winter destination. In the summer, a variety of outdoor activities (hiking, river rafting, golfing) is supplemented by several music and theater festivals. Typical events include a microbrewery beer fest, the Kokanee Salmon Festival, Autumn Food and Wine • Jubilee, Oktoberfest, and Snowfest winter carnival. Fans of the "Bonanza" TV show might enjoy a visit to the Ponderosa Ranch, where the show was filmed. Of course, the casinos have another draw besides slot machines and blackjack: big-name entertainers like Bill Cosby regularly come through town.

Insider Travel Tips
The elevation of Lake Tahoe (between 6000 and 8000 feet above sea level) may take some adjusting to—take it easy the first day and drink plenty of fluids.

The north and south shores of Lake Tahoe really have two different atmospheres. The north end of the lake is more quiet and relaxed, with rustic lodges and 1 a calmer pace. Meanwhile, the south side is frenetic and crowded—the many casinos attract a younger and noisier crowd.
The nearest airport is Reno, about an hour's drive away A new carrier, Reno Air, has sparked an airfare war there with bargain-basement air fares. As a side note, American Eagle (the commuter arm of American Airlines) does fly into the South Tahoe airport.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
Our pick as one of the best places for a destination wedding and honeymoon at Tahoe is the Cal-Neva Lodge in Crystal Bay (702-832-4000, 800-225-6382). Straddling the border of both states on the north shore of Lake Tahoe, the Cal-Neva has a classic hunting-lodge decor with plenty of wood and stuffed animal heads—a decidedly laid-back feel.

The resort/casino boasts a full-time wedding department that helps coordinate all the ceremony and reception details. Three locations are available to tie the knot, including two chapels and a white lattice gazebo overlooking the lake. The cost for the chapels are $250 to $300, while the gazebo is $400—this includes a minister and live music. Apparently the ambience of this place is not lost on brides and grooms—the Gal-Neva last year held over one thousand weddings!

As for the honeymoon, the lodge offers a three-night package that includes dinner for two, a cruise on a paddleboat with dinner and dancing, and two breakfasts. The price runs from $481 for a "premier room" to $841 for the honeymoon chalet in the summer. Winter prices (except for the week after Christmas) are somewhat less, running $416 to $743. Seven-night packages are also available, ranging from $933 to $1696 in the summer, and $1085 to $1924 in the winter.
If you want to stay on the south shore of Lake Tahoe and want to avoid die crowds, try Harvey's resort and casino (800-648-3361). Harrah's and Caesars are more popular but definitely more crowded. The Inn by the Lake in South Tahoe (800-877-1466) near Stateline has a three-night package for $468, five nights for $768 and seven nights for $ 1038; this includes a room with private balcony overlooking the lake and a complimentary show or boat cruise with the five- or seven-night stays.

Many ski resorts offer honeymoon packages as well. For example, the Tahoe Seasons resort (916-541-6010) at Heavenly Valley ski area has a two-night package that is $317 in the winter and summer and $250 in the spring and fall. Accommodations include a suite with fireplace, private spa, and breakfast.

Destination Wedding Locations: Colorado Ski Wedding

2009-07-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, maybe we're biased, but we think getting married in Colorado is a pretty nifty idea. From skiing through waist-deep powder in the winter to gliding down the continental divide on a mountain bike in the summer, the state is fun-o-rama. Let's take a look at the reasons

Wedding Logistics
Colorado is one of the easiest states in the West in which to get a marriage license. There is no blood test, medical exam, or waiting period. Drop by any marriage license office in the state, show some form of ID (you both need to be present), pay $20, and that's it. You've got a marriage license good for thirty days anywhere in the state.

Local Bridal Customs
Colorado prides itself on a laid-back, "Hey, dude" attitude. Weddings are similarly low key. It's not unusual to see a bride in lace-up boots and a Victorian-inspired bridal gown, while a groom dons western garb with bolo tie. Outdoor enthusiasts have been known to marry on skis at the summit of the Continental Divide—on the Fourth of July! After swooshing down the slopes, guests can take a twilight sleigh ride to a reception dinner cook-out (in a heated tent in winter, of course) featuring such delicacies as Buffalo Stew and Elk Steak. While you might see glittery dresses and fur coats in hoity-toity ski resorts like Aspen and Vail, the other 99 percent of Colorado is strictly a blue-jeans land of place.

Best Time to Go /What Makes it Special
In recent years, Colorado has developed into a year-round destination. Obviously, winter skiing is still the big attraction, with the resorts packed to capacity the week after Christmas through New Year's Day. Spring break and Easter weekend are other crazy times. What if you want to avoid the crowds? Depending on the snow conditions, some resorts open in November and offer discount lodging and lift tickets. January is a "value season" at most resorts, since the crowds thin out after the New Year's holiday. Spring skiing (late February through April, except for spring break) offers good conditions and sparse crowds. The best tip: ski during the week to avoid weekend crowds of local Coloradans who flood the slopes on Saturdays and Sundays.
What about the rest of the year? After the skiing ends, many resorts offer year-round activities like golf, hiking, mountain biking, and horseback riding. From camping in Rocky Mountain National Park to visiting Dinosaur National Monument (a la Jurassic Park) on the western slope, the list of things to do is endless. We like the many festivals and arts fairs, including the Cherry Creek Arts Festival near the Fourth of July in Denver and the Telluride Bluegrass Festival in June. The best time to visit in the summer is probably June and July (increasingly popular August family vacations makes that month less attractive), Fall brings the changing of the aspen, whose leaves turn in a spectacular show of bright gold. The peak of the fall foliage usually occurs in early to mid September.

No matter what the seasons, Colorado is always blessed with low humidity. Spring and fall are similar with warm days (60s and 70s) and cool nights. In the high country, it can snow in June or July and then warm into the 80s the next day. Sudden summer thunderstorms can knock the temperature down thirty degrees in a matter of minutes. On the eastern plains (Denver and Boulder), summer temperatures can soar into the 90s. Let's not sugar-coat this: the winter in the mountains can be brutally cold, with highs in the 20s and lows near or below zero. Fortunately, the sun often shines, so bring the sunscreen no matter what the sea son.

Insider Travel Tips
Spend the first night or two in Denver to acclimate to the altitude. Drink lots of fluids and limit alcohol to avoid altitude sickness or dehydration. A good place to stay: The Queen Anne Inn (800-443-4667 or 303- 296-6666) is a quaint Victorian inn near downtown Denver that runs $70 to $130 per room. Good spot for dinner: Mexicali Cafe in Larimer Square, where the
Mexican food is authentic and affordable, The best way to save money on ski lift tickets: get
them as part of a package or buy them at discounted prices from grocery stores (King Soopers and Safeway) in Denver.

Another wacky idea: take a day trip to Boulder, twenty-two miles northwest of Denver. This liberal preserve features the University of Colorado, "Mork and Mindy's House" (1619 Pine Street), miles of hike and bike trials, and funky natives who wear Birkenstocks and eat various forms of tofu. Walk the Pearl Street Mall and stare at the hippies in their tie- dyed shirts, talking to their stockbrokers on cellular phones. Sample the Boulder Creek Bike Path that winds its way through the city In the summer, check out Chautauqua Park at the base of Flagstaff Mountain. Best spot for dinner: Flagstaff Restaurant on Flagstaff Mountain (ask for directions) offers the best view, while OJs in the Hotel Boulderado is near the Pearl St. Mall and offers outstanding "creative" cuisine.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
So which resort do you stay at? First ask yourself some questions: are you there to just ski or do you want a real town with shops, restaurants, and nightiife? How about crowds of celebrities—love 'em or hate 'em?

Each resort has it's own flavor (and price level). At the top are Aspen (800-262-7736) and Vail (800-525-2257). Personally, we like Vail better than Aspen, which can be a wee bit pretentious. Vail's mountain (and its sister resort Beaver Creek) offer a wide variety of slopes, with lots of beginner and intermediate runs. On the other hand, if you're an expert, you'll find plenty of challenge in Vail's back bowls. Aspen itself mostly offers difficult to expert runs, while nearby Snowmass has more easy trails: Both Vail and Aspen attract boatloads of celebrities.
Vail offers several packages, such as a seven-night stay at a one bedroom condo at Vail International, a six-day lift ticket, and airport transfers. Prices range from $1520 per couple in the summer, to $1772 in early December, to $2310 at Christmas, February, and March (high season). The top-of-the-line Lodge at Vail runs $2642 (summer) to $5424 (winter) for the same length of stay.

If this scene isn't for you, you'll like Breckenridge (800-424-8400), which has a real Victorian mining town with more down-to-earth shops and restaurants. Skiing is excellent—in addition to the Breckenridge resort itself, you are within a very short drive of several other resorts like Keystone, Arapahoe Basin, and Copper Mountain.

In fact, Keystone itself has moved aggressively into the "destination wedding" market in recent years. The resort's Denver sales office (800-362-3392) handles seventy weddings a year. You can choose from one of fifteen sites, including the summit of the mountain, the Keystone Ranch, or Ski Tip Lodge. For a reception at one of those facilities, a minimum purchase of $2500 in food and drink is required. Of course, the resort also does quite a few "intimate" weddings, offering discounted lodging, a wedding coordinator, and help in setting up the ceremony. As for the honeymoon, a premium, one-bedroom condo with spa and fireplace goes for $125 per night in the summer. Prices run from $195 to $330 per night in the winter, with discounted lift tickets available.

Destination Wedding Locations: Victoria/Vancouver

2009-07-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

We haven't travelled much in Canada, but we were impressed with a weekend visit to Vancouver and Victoria on the west coast of British Columbia. From the cosmopolitan city of Vancouver to the quaint village of Victoria, this destination offers a taste of European charm without the transatlantic airfare and sky-high hotel rates.

Wedding Logistics
British Columbia is one of the easier foreign spots to tie the knot. No blood test or medical exam is needed. The license is $60. The biggest hitch: you need two witnesses over 16 years old. Other than that, it's a snap.

Best Time to Go
The weather varies greatly from the coasts to the interior of the province. We visited in late March and while we found Vancouver to be comfortable, Victoria was damp and cold. The coastal breezes keep summer temperatures moderate.

The best time to visit is April to September, with August being one of the drier months. Pack a sweater even in the summer months, as the temperatures can dip at night.

What Makes it Special
What we liked most about Vancouver was its international flair: about one-third of the city is British, another third is Asian, and the balance is a mix of other nationalities. The place has quite a walking culture, with most of the restaurants, hotels, and shops clustered together on a narrow peninsula that encompasses downtown. Near downtown is Stanley Park with its numerous walking and hiking trails.

Vancouver is Canada's largest seaport, making it a prime spot for salmon fishing and other water sports. The city is also close to many other outdoor activities, like skiing.

A short ferry ride from the city of Vancouver is the island of Vancouver (this is a bit confusing). On the southern tip of the island is the quaint village of Victoria. At the hub of the town stands the classy Empress Hotel, which looks onto the inner harbor. Experiencing "high tea" at the Empress will be a highlight of your trip.

We enjoyed walking around Victoria—its narrow streets, fascinating little shops and unmistakable British ambiance makes it hard to believe you're only a short distance from the United States. Another standout: Butchart Gardens (just outside Victoria) is a fascinating arboretum.

Insider Travel Tips
If you drive from Seattie, expect major delays at the border crossing points. In both directions, we encountered one-hour traffic jams.

While you'll find lots of interesting shops in Vancouver and Victoria, our shopping enthusiasm was dampened by Canada's high value-added tax. When you factor in the exchange rate and the big tax, most items were rather pricey.

Since British Columbia requires a two-day waiting period, you may want to spend a couple days in Vancouver prior to tying the knot in Victoria (or vice versa).

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
Prices for hotel or bed-and-breakfast accommodations in Canada are moderate to expensive. For example, the Four Seasons Vancouver (800-332-3442 or 604-689-9333) has a three-night package that includes a suite room and one breakfast in bed at $900. This rate is good for January through April.

On Victoria, Abigail's Hotel (604-388-5363) has a "romantic fireplace room with goose down comforter, Jacuzzi, champagne, flowers, and breakfast in bed." This small European-style hotel offers a three-night package for $525 per couple. The best deals on airfare may be to fly to Seattie, rent a car and then drive to Vancouver (or take a ferry from Seattle to Victoria). At press time, Reno Air, Mark Air, and America West have a fare war going to Seattle. Sample fares: $180 from Denver and $160 from Los Angeles or San Diego. Those are round-tripl Wow! The drive from Seattle takes about two hours and is rather scenic itself.

A rental car is probably not necessary if you plan to just visit-Victoria. However, sightseeing in and around Vancouver may require one. You can actually drive your car onto the ferry that takes you to Victoria.

Destination Wedding Locations: Saxton's River, Vermont

2009-07-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

One of the things that has always amazed us about the bridal business is the cost of getting married in New York City. A basic sit-down dinner can easily run $75 to $100 per guest.
Wow! Even a basic wedding cake runs $410 $6 Per slice. At those astronomical prices, no wonder New York brides are searching for alternatives. One of our readers called in this wonderful suggestion: The Inn at Saxton's River, near the town of Bratdeborough, Vermont, off Route 91. A wedding reception here runs about one-half to one-third of Manhattan prices, but the inn is just a four- to five-hour drive from the Big Apple.

Wedding Logistics
Getting married in Vermont is rather easy. There is no blood test or waiting period—you don't even need an ID. The only restriction: out-of-state residents must get a license in the county in which they plan to marry. (Vermont residents must take out a license in. the town in which they live, but can marry anywhere in the state). The cost is very affordable: $16. For more information, call 802-254-454-1.

Best Time to Go
Perhaps the most scenic time to visit Vermont is the peak of the fall foliage season. This occurs in late September and usually runs into early October. The weather at this time is pleasant but cool, with daytime temperatures in the 50s and 60s, while nighttime lows can dip into the 30s.
The summer is certainly another nice time to go, with temperatures in the comfortable 70s and low 80s (although the occasional heat wave with high humidity can make a visit less pleasant). Winters can be downright arctic, with temperatures at night dipping near zero.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
The Inn at Saxton's River is a hundred-year-old Victorian building that is extraordinarily beautiful, according to our reader. "Most rooms have private balconies and are impeccably decorated in Victorian style. Downstairs, there's a huge covered porch on one side. Inside, three rooms are available for weddings and receptions including a double parlor with fireplace, bay windows, and a grand piano. In another room is an antique Victorian pub bar. Outside, a dance floor area can be set up adjoining the garden (in the summer, of course). The home itself can accommodate eighty guests for a reception, perhaps more in the summer when you count the porch and garden areas.

The inn offers a full buffet reception with a choice of hors d'oeuvres, pasta stations, cheeses, quiche, and roast beef. The price, which includes dessert, runs an affordable $19.95 per guest. Add in 7 percent sales tax and 18 percent gratuity and the total tab is about $25 per person—that sure beats New York prices by a mile.

The Inn at Saxton's River has eighteen guest rooms, which range from $78 for a shared bath to $88 for a private bath. Our bride said she had to put up her guests at several other inns that dot the nearby countryside.

What Makes it Special
In the summer, Vermont offers numerous outdoor activities like hiking, camping, and more. You can also take a cruise on the nearby Connecticut River on the "Belle of Bratdeborough."
What's the number one tourist attraction in Vermont? Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream headquarters in northern Vermont, of course. Stop by and sample some "New York Super Fudge Chunk" for us.

Destination Wedding Locations: San Diego, California

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The Hotel Del Coronado is a- 105-year-old living legend. This stately Victorian landmark on Coronado Island (fifteen minutes across the bay from San Diego) is the ultimate in West Coast luxury and class. Combine this with all the tourist attractions in the area and you've got an affordable, yet fun destination wedding and honeymoon.

Wedding Logistics
California is not the easiest or cheapest place to get a marriage license. First of all, the state requires a blood test and medical check-up within thirty days of the wedding. Then, a physician and lab technician must sign the "health certificate." You take this, a valid ID, and $42 to the marriage license bureau and then you're issued your license. There is no waiting period and the license is good for ninety days.

Interestingly enough, California also offers a "confidential" marriage license. These licenses require no health certificate and you and your fiance must be living together. The cost is $48. As you might imagine, this alternative is quite popular, accounting for half of all marriage licenses issued.

For more information, you can call the marriage license bureau at 619-531-3173 or 619-237-0502.

Local Bridal Customs
Oddly enough, the most popular wedding cake flavor in San Diego is a Black Forest cake. Of course, the proximity to Mexico makes Mexican food and entertainment (a mariachi band, for example) key fixtures of San Diego nuptials as well.

Best Time to Go
The busiest tourist season is the summer months. In addition, the Hotel Del told us their busiest conference and convention times run from Labor Day to the middle of December. The slowest time of the year is December and January.

As far as the weather goes, the summer sees temperatures in the 70s and low 80s. Winter can get quite chilly, with temperatures near 60° in the day and as cold as 45° at night. Beware the "June gloom," a period of cloudy and gloomy weather that usually hits after Memorial Day and sometimes lasts until July 4th.

Perhaps the best combination of good weather and sparse crowds would be between Easter and Memorial Day.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
The Hotel Del has a picturesque white gazebo, surrounded by a lush garden and blooming trees, that is available for ceremonies at a cost of $500. If you're planning a large wedding and reception, several rooms are available, including the spectacular main ballroom with its circular shape and commanding ocean view. Sit-down dinners run from $30 to $65 per guest (plus a 17 percent gratuity.)

As for the honeymoon, the Hotel Del offers several packages for their deluxe and luxury rooms (the latter having a better ocean view). The "Gourmet Delight" includes two night/three-day accommodation, two dinners, breakfast, and spa admission. Price: $514 deluxe and $769 luxury. Additional nights are $159 and $289, respectively.

The Del's "Five Night Romance" package includes one dinner, breakfast, and spa admission as well as tennis and biking activities. This runs $995 for a deluxe room and $ 1415 for a luxury room. Of course, you can stay at the Del and get married at another location on Coronado. The island boasts several Victorian hotels, gazebos, and other spots to tie the knot.

What Makes it Special
Visiting Coronado and the Hotel Del makes you feel like you've stepped onto another planet. The old-world elegance of the Del and the Victorian charm of the surrounding village stands in stark contrast to the rest of California. Coronado Island is a gem.

Insider Travel Tips
Besides Coronado Island, San Diego also boasts several interesting things to do. Visit Old Town with its fun shops and restaurants (don't miss the guacamole at Pico's, a must-stop for dinner). Other attractions include the world-famous San Diego Zoo in lush Balboa Park and, of course, Sea World.

Destination Wedding Locations: Las Vegas

2009-07-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

No book on far and away weddings would be complete without at least a brief look at the wedding capital of the world: Las Vegas. In 1931, both gambling and easy marriage became legal and the place hasn't been the same since. Celebrities and non-celebrities alike have flocked here to tie the knot. Recent star nuptials have included such luminaries as Bruce Willis, Axl Rose, and Joan Collins.

Wedding Logistics
As you might expect, getting a marriage license in Vegas is as easy as dropping $20 into a slot machine. Both the bride and groom must apply in person at the Clark County Marriage License Bureau (702-455-3156 or 702-455-4415) at 200 South 3rd Street. The bureau is open Monday through Thursday from 8 am to midnight and continuously from Friday at 8 am to midnight Sunday. There is no blood test required and you just bring a driver's license as identification. The license costs $40 (cash only, no poker chips). There is no waiting period.

Best Time to Go
We actually visited Vegas once in June and can report that it was DAMN HOT. And forget all that stuff about it being "a dry heat." That's bull. When it gets to 110 degrees, it doesn't matter what the humidity is. Consequentiy, the busy seasons in Vegas are in spring and fall. The Christmas/New Year's week can also be incredibly crowded. Winters can be downright cold, with strong winds adding to the misery.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
The three most popular chapels are Little White Chapel (702-382-5943 or 800-545-8111), Candlelight Wedding Chapel (702-735-4179), and Little Church of the West (702-739-7971). Most chapels charge about $50 to rent and request a "donation" for the minister of at least $40. Almost all take credit cards.

Airlines often have pretty cheap fares to Las Vegas; Southwest Airlines is usually the cheapest. Most hotels are also fairly inexpensive ($50 to $100 per night). The sheer variety of places to stay can boggle the mind. From the fancy Mirage with its white tiger displays and exploding volcanoes to the schmaltzy Circus Circus, Vegas must have more hotel rooms than most third-world countries.

Food is incredibly cheap, as is the booze—the casinos use cheap eats to bait you into gambling. We recommend staying away from the ultra-cheap buffets where most food items are unrecognizable, thanks to a coating of yellow fake cheese sauce.

Do you need a rental car? Probably not. Several shuttle services run from the airport to the casinos. Buses run up and down the strip at frequent intervals.

Even if you want to take an excursion outside of Vegas, many companies offer bus tours to Hoover Dam and Lake Mead that will save you the expense of renting a car.

What Makes it Special
Are you kidding? This is Vegas. Where else in America can you get married by a bad Elvis impersonator crooning an equally bad "Love Me Tender"?

In the age of Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, it's comforting to know that a place as sleazy, noisy, and obnoxious as Las Vegas still exists.

On the other hand, Vegas has been trying to clean up its image lately to appeal more to the "family values" crowd. Hence, an indoor amusement park just opened on the strip and casinos are offering more "kid-friendly" shows and concerts. Who knows, maybe Barney (that darn purple dinosaur) may replace the nude dance reviews some day? Nah.

Destination Wedding Locations: Walt Disney World

2009-07-06T11:02:00.000-07:00

Did you ever dream of spending the first few moments of married life to your "Prince Charming" in Cinderella's crystal coach driving off to your reception? Or having an Alice in Wonderland bridal luncheon with the Mad Hatter and the White Rabbit as guests?

Yes, it's possible, with help from the folks at Walt Disney World in Orlando. They received so many inquires from brides and grooms about tying the knot in their theme park that they recently set up the Fairy Tale Wedding department.

Okay, let's say you don't want Goofy as your best man. You can still pick from one of Disney's numerous resorts to tie the knot, including the spectacular Grand Floridian. We visited the resort recently to get a firsthand look at Disney weddings.

Wedding Logistics
The Disney wedding is not as difficult as you might think—there is no blood test or waiting period to get a marriage license in Orlando. It takes about thirty minutes to fill out an application and another thirty minutes for processing. It ain't cheap, however: the cost of a marriage license is $63.50 in cash.

Best Time to Go
This is a tricky question. Basically, all the attractions in Florida have two peak seasons—the first runs from Christmas to Easter and the other runs from mid-June to August. Any holiday weekend (Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, etc.) finds the parks jam-packed as well. The crowds are most sparse in the fall from September to mid-December. Late spring (after Easter to mid-June) is also slower than the frenetic winter peak season.

How about the weather? Anyone who's visited Florida in the summer will attest to the brutal heat and humidity. While late fall is cooler, the weather is also slightly more rainy. If you're looking for the best combination of good weather and sparse crowds, you might want to try early December. Disney staffers told us most brides and grooms avoid summer weddings. Spring and fall are the most popular times.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
We were impressed by Disney's large variety of packages and options for all types of weddings. For example, if you're interested in an "intimate" wedding (bride and groom only), Disney offers an affordable package that includes the ceremony, flowers, four nights accommodation at one of five resorts, five days admission to the parks, breakfast every day and one dinner. Cost: $1894 per couple.

What if you want to invite fifty of your closest friends and have a big bash? Well, first the ceremony setup costs run $3 to $5 per guest, with a $100 minimum. For the reception, Disney has a $3500 minimum for food and beverage. Sample menus we previewed ranged from $13.50 per person for a cocktail hors d'oeuvre reception to $42.50 per person for a sit-down dinner. An open bar ranges from $8 to $16.50 per guest per hour, depending on the liquor served. The gratuity runs 18 percent on all food and beverage. A $500 deposit is required to hold the date and Disney can book weddings up to twelve months in advance.

Disney offers all kinds of interesting options to personalize your wedding. How about specially-designed wedding invitations with Disney characters like Cinderella or the Little Mermaid? The price runs $5 to $12.50 each—not the cheapest option but certainly unique.

Flowers, entertainment, and transportation options round out Disney's offers. Their full-service floral department can create a bridal bouquet starting at $125. You can opt for traditional music options (DJs start at $650, while a four-piece band is $1775), or have "themed" musicians such as the Toon Town Trio at $700.

How much does Cinderella's crystal coach run? Try $1200. If that's too pricey, you can have a vintage 1929 Cadillac for $350.

And what does it cost to have Goofy as your best man? Walt Disney characters are available for $395 for one character up to $775 for three.

If your guests want to extend their stay into a full-fledged vacation, Disney does offer discounted rates. Two- to ten-night plans are available, ranging from $371 to $1277 per person. Because the resorts book up quickly, Disney recommends your guests make reservations about four to six months in advance— they'll even provide reservation forms you can send out to guests early.

As for the best place to stay, our pick is the Grand Floridian Beach resort. Its Victorian-era design is highlighted by a five-story Grand Lobby, lush grounds, and gingerbread detailing. The "white and bright" decor makes it a perfect bridal setting.

One popular ceremony spot is a grassy knoll that overlooks the Cinderella Castle and a private cove. Near the Grand Floridian, a brick veranda with boat dock has a nice view of midnight fireworks. A favorite spot for intimate weddings is a bluff near the Polynesian resort. A future gazebo is planned here and Disney is considering building a nondenominational chapel at some point. If we had one complaint about Disney weddings it would have to be the ceremony sites—currently all are outdoors, although indoor backup sites are available in case of rain. The future chapel may remedy this problem.

For a large reception, we were impressed with the Grand Floridian's ballroom. Decorated in light hues, the room has an adjoining brick veranda that is a popular spot for cocktails.

What Makes it Special
If you or your fiance have children, what better place to tie the knot than the Magic Kingdom? The combination wedding and family vacation may the best way to start a new family. Even if you don't have children, Disney is still an intriguing place to get married. Besides all the attractions and parks, Disney's resorts offer service, food, and activities that rival the best destinations in the world.

Insider Travel Tips
The best advice to planning a wedding at Disney is to make at least one or two pre-wedding visits. The first visit will concentrate on site selections—touring all the possible places to tie the knot can take awhile. Especially for larger weddings, a second visit might concentrate on logistics (choosing flowers, menu planning, etc.).

The good news on airfare is that many air carriers (especially charters) offer cheap flights to Orlando. Consult your travel agent for the best deals.

As for advice on tackling all the parks and attractions, we highly recommend The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World and EPCOT (by Bob Sehlinger, published by Prentice Hall Press) as a great source book for visiting the huge Walt Disney World complex in Orlando. This book offers smart tips on how to see the parks without getting bogged down in the crowds. It also talks about accommodations and transportation. The book includes EPCOT, Disney-MGM Studios, and Universal Studios. For more reading, you can also check out the official Walt Disney-sanctioned guide: Steve Birnbaum's Official Guide to Walt Disney World. Both books are available in bookstores across, the country.

More Information, Please
Disney's Fairy Tale Weddings department can be reached at 407-363-6333.
The following attractions, shows, components, entities, and such mentioned or discussed in the above section are registered trademarks of Walt Disney Productions, Inc.: EPCOT, Walt Disney, Walt Disney World, Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Cinderella, The Littie Mermaid.

Destination Wedding Locations: Maui, Hawaii

2009-07-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

One of the best things about a destination wedding or honeymoon in Hawaii is the "no muss/no fuss" nature of this location. There are no passports to worry about, and no currency exchanges or calculations needed to convert silver Bug-a-Boos into dollars.

That is not to say that Hawaii, which is technically part of the United States, is in any way a sane and rational place. Any place that derives 113 percent of its income from tourism can be expected to be a little on the looney side. And we definitely discovered this when we visited the fiftieth state to scout out sites for this book.

First, we offer a run-down of the different islands and why we think Maui is the best. Hawaii is comprised of six islands, each with its own "spirit," as the travel brochures delicately put it. Let's take stock.

OAHU: TOO CROWDED. Home to Honolulu and Waikiki, this island was probably a nice place to visit about fifty years ago. If we want to see urban sprawl, we could stay at home.

KAUAI: RECENTLY BLOWN AWAY BY HURRICANE. While the tourist hotels are in the process of being rebuilt (as of this writing), Kauai still has one fatal flaw—its dinky size and lack of amenities limited night life) makes a visit any longer than a day or two seem too long.

HAWAII, MOLOKAI, AND LANAI: TOO RUSTIC. The drive-through volcanoes on the big island of Hawaii are spectacular and both Molokai and Lanai offer nice scenery, but this brings us to the biggest disadvantage of a Hawaiian vacation: too many islands, too little time.

While the idea of cramming as many islands into your trip sounds intriguing, the reality of plane hopping is less exciting. True, the average flight time between islands is just fifteen to thirty minutes, but the wait at the car rental place can be twice that.

As we mentioned earlier, the whole state of Hawaii has a somewhat loopy disposition. We noticed this on our arrival at the Maui airport. As some kind of sick Polynesian joke, the natives have decided not to put any signs at the airport to direct you, the tourist, to such popular hang-outs as the beach and the hotels. We discovered this oversight when we took a wrong turn and ended up in a top-secret naval base with the cryptic name "U.S.S. O.O.P.S."

Fortunately, the island of Maui is only forty-five miles wide. So, if you take a wrong turn, you run into that friendly directional locator called the Pacific Ocean. Despite this quirk, Maui offers the best scenery and activities for destination brides and grooms. For variety, Maui also has a couple of 10,000-foot dormant volcanoes. From secluded black sand beaches to bustling tourist towns, Maui is our pick as one of the best places to plan a destination wedding and honeymoon.

Wedding Logistics
It's pretty easy to tie the knot on Maui—Hawaii has no waiting period or residency rules for marriage licenses. As a result, nearly three thousand couples tied the knot there last year. There is a rubella blood test required for the bride if she has not been immunized for this disease (the test can be performed anywhere in the United States or Canada). If you have been immunized, Hawaii will accept a certificate from a U.S. or Canadian doctor as proof. (As a side note, the test is waived for brides who are beyond child-bearing age).
No health tests are required for the groom. You must apply for a license in person from a "marriage license agent." Call the Department of Health (808-243-5313) for the latest list of agents. The cost for a license is $16.

Local Bridal Customs
The traditional Hawaiian wedding gown is a holoku, a white gown which the bride accents with a crown of orchids. A red sash is the most remarkable part of a groom's attire, which is usually a white long-sleeve shirt and pants. Another tradition: the groom arrives at the ceremony site in a canoe—neat touch.

Best Time to Go
While Maui has really become a year-round destination, high season is still December, January, and February. Hotels and beaches are most crowded then. The crowds taper off after high season, hence, a nice time to visit is late April to June. October and November (before Thanksgiving) are also low seasons.

As for the weather, the "rainy" season is in the winter, especially January and February. Even so, the western part of Maui (where most of the resorts are) only sees about fifteen inches of rain a year. A stray shower can hit at just about any time, but usually the weather is nice—summer temperatures in the 80s, and 70s in the winter. Hurricane season, as those in Kauai found out recently, runs from June through November, though storms usually seem to veer away from the islands.

Costs, Accommodations, and Getting Around
The best deals on Maui are the package deals that many hotels, resorts, and condos offer. Most include a three- to seven-night stay, car rental, and even a "romantic dinner for two" in some packages.

' We found the best deal was to rent a "condo—the luxury of having a kitchen gives you the option of avoiding sky-high prices for meals if you wish. Most condos have the same amenities as hotels, including housekeeping, a concierge, and more. We stayed at the Ka'anapali Alii (800-642-6284) condo complex where we could even order room service from the hotel next door.

We stayed at the condo for four nights (five days) for about $ 1100 per couple, including car rental. At the Grand Hyatt at Wailea (800-233-1234) down the coast, a three-night package runs $1200. The hotel has a world-famous swimming pool and a stained-glass wedding chapel that hosts at least two weddings a day. As far as other packages went, most condos on Maui seemed to start at $1000 for seven days. Hotel packages, especially for the prime resorts, were slightly higher.

Airfare fluctuates with the whims of the major airlines. Check to see if it's cheaper to fly to San Francisco first, stay the night and then fly on to Maui. We found this to be more reasonable than a nonstop flight from the center of the United States, since many of the airlines offer super-low fares from California to Hawaii.

The food on Maui (as- on the rest of Hawaii) is incredibly expensive—about 30 percent more than the mainland. Expect to shell out $25 for breakfast for two, $40 for lunch, and $75 to $100 for dinner. On the upside, the Pacific Rim cuisine is absolutely incredible—be sure to ask your concierge for recommendations on the latest "hot" eateries.

What Makes it Special
The beaches are the stars here, of course. But if you want to venture beyond the surf, there are several interesting day trips. The road to Hana, a fifty-five-mile drive that will take you a very long three hours, is a favorite for seeing waterfalls and sheer cliffs that drop to the ocean. A helicopter ride (about $100 to $200 per person) is a fantastic way to take in remote waterfalls and the Haleakala crater (a dormant volcano that rises 10,000 feet above sea-level). A quick warning: look out for hucksters on the street offering "discount" coupons for helicopter rides, scuba diving, etc. What's the catch? You must attend a several hour "sales presentation" for a time share or condo deal.

Insider Travel Tips
The six-hour plane ride from Los Angeles will tire you out, so expect to spend much of the first day recuperating and acclimating to the time change. If you want to explore the more rustic parts of the island, rent a four-wheel-drive vehicle. Also, you'll need reservations to get into most of the popular restaurants—we relied on our concierge for recommendations and were never disappointed. Ka'anapali and Lahaina (resorts on the northwest side of the island) have a younger feel than Wailea, which had an older, more sedate atmosphere. The locals are generally friendly, if not a little bit wacky

Destination Wedding Locations: 15 Money Saving Tips

2009-07-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

As you might have guessed, getting married in a foreign country is not the world's easiest feat. You can't just pop down to your local marriage license bureau, buy a license, hop on a plane, and tie the knot on some tropical beach. Why not? Let's take a brief look at why the foreign marriage scene is so nuts.You can trace the origin of foreign marriage license gymnastics to the year 1789. That's the year the Founding Fathers drafted the U.S. Constitution and, in some fit of insanity, reserved the whole business of marriage and divorce to the states. That's why there is no Federal Department of Marriage.

What the heck does this have to do with anything, you might ask? Ah, it has a lot to do with getting married in a foreign country—this constitutional quirk means no federal officials can perform marriages—federal officials such as embassy officers, ambassadors, and various other friendly U.S. government employees you might see in a foreign country. As a result, if you want to get married in a foreign country, you have to follow the local rules and regulations. And if you think the individual states in this country have funky marriage license rules, you haven't seen anything yet.

Take Italy, for example. How about tying the knot in a lovely villa in Milan? Sounds romantic, yes? Well, first you need your birth certificates. And not just any ordinary copy of your birth certificate—you need one that is certified and exemplified. We haven't the foggiest idea what exemplification is, we just know that only the secretary of state (of the state in which you were born, naturally) can work this magic trick.

Next, the secretary of state needs to affix an "apostil" to the document (don't ask—we've never seen an apostil, but it sounds vaguely religious.) After you've got your birth certificates certified, exemplified, and apostilized, you need to get them translated into Italian. Then, go to your nearest Italian consulate with four (not three, but four!) witnesses, and finally, get your marriage license.

Ha! Just kidding—you don't get a marriage license. You just get a certificate that you take to the American consulate in Milan. Then, you trade in this certificate for another one and take this piece of paper to two different city offices in Milan. Then you get a marriage license. So you're all ready for your civil wedding in Milan. How about a romantic sunset ceremony? Wrong. Civil ceremonies in Milan must be performed between 10 am and 11 am. No kidding. (If you'd like to hear more about what can go wrong with an Italian wedding, check out David Shaw's article, "The Wedding March" in the March 1990 issue of Conde Nast Traveller Magazine.)

Beyond bureaucracies from hell, there is another roadblock to marriages in many countries: residency requirements. Some countries require you to be in the country for several days (or weeks) prior the wedding. France, for example, has a whopping forty-day residency requirement. And many Caribbean islands that were former French colonies have similar rules. In this section, we will give you some general information on how easy or how difficult it is to tie the knot in certain foreign destinations.

How do you find out the rules and requirements for different countries? Here are some possibilities:

The Federal Government
As you might guess, the federal government handles questions about marriage in foreign countries about as efficiently as it moves the mail. We discovered that there are five sections within the U.S. State Department Office of Citizen's Consular that are supposed to help you with this information. Each section has information on a different part of the world:
East Asia and Pacific: 202-647-3675 Europe and Canada: 202-647-3445 Central America, South America, and the Caribbean: 202-647-3712 Near Eastern/South Asia: 202-647-3926 Africa: 202-647-4994

We called each of the above numbers and the response of the bureaucrats on the phone varied widely. A couple never returned our messages. One was very helpful, even faxing us detailed information on getting married in Mexico.

Unfortunately, the information is so general that it's not very useful. For example, we got information on getting married in Mexico City—not exactly a top tourist destination. Think this is the same as Cancun? Nope— Mexico has thirty two federal districts (roughly the equivalent of states), each with their own arcane rules.

This is not to say that the information is totally useless—we learned, for example, that the only legal marriages in predominantly Catholic Mexico are (you guessed it) civil ones! Hence, this information is helpful, but more as a starting point.

Local Consulates
Many countries have consulates and/or tourist bureaus in major U.S. cities. According to travel industry insiders we interviewed, however, the information from these sources is helpful but not wholly reliable. In the last section of this book, we list some consulates and tourist bureaus for popular destinations.

Professional Planners and Tour Companies
Perhaps the best person to ask about getting married in a particular country is someone who's already planned a wedding there. Both professional planners (reviewed in Chapter 6) and tour companies that specialize in booking wedding and honeymoon packages in certain countries are good sources. Of course, you have to pay for this advice; a professional planner may charge a fee that runs into the hundreds of dollars. Tour companies will give you marriage license information, if you book a package with them.

Obviously, the more experience a planner has with a location, the better. For example, if either the bride and groom has been previously divorced, you'll want to ask the planner if they've ever handled a similar wedding. You may have to get divorce decrees specially certified, for example.
The concierge at local hotels or resorts

A concierge at a hotel or resort that does a fair number of weddings may be a good resource for marriage license information.

TOP QUESTIONS TO ASK FOR DESTINATION WEDDINGS

Here are ten questions to ask about getting married in another country.

DOES YOUR RESORT HAVE A WEDDING PLANNER OR DEPARTMENT? Will someone be available to help you handle any red tape? What are the fees for this sender?

WHAT ARE THE RESIDENCY REQUIREMENTS? How long must you wait after you arrive before you can tie the knot? And is this actual days or business days?

WHAT DOCUMENTATION IS NECESSARY? Requirements can vary tremendously. You'll need, at the very least, some form of identification, most commonly a birth certificate. But does it need to be an original, a certified copy, or notarized? Must it be translated? Are there any fees for translations? Must the translation be done in a specific way?

ARE THERE ANY REQUIRED MEDICAL TESTS? A blood test? X-rays? A doctor's certification of certain immunizations or health status? Can the certifying doctor be here in the United States?

IS THERE A FILING PERIOD OR PROCESSING TIME? Do the actual documents need to be sent ahead of time?

IS THERE A WAITING PERIOD? This is the period of time between when you get the license until you can marry. Can you get the license through the mail ahead of time?

SHOULD WE ARRIVE EARLY TO HANDLE ANY LAST-MINUTE PAPERWORK? While the resort may handle all the paperwork, some will request that you arrive early. This allows you to do any last-minute license tasks, to plan the wedding, or whatever.

ARE THERE ANY SPECIAL REQUIREMENTS FOR PROOF OF DIVORCE? In some countries, the divorce decree must be translated or certified. Check to see if there are waiting periods after your divorce is finalized before you can remarry. If one of you is a widower, confirm the requirements to prove this—usually you'll need to show a death certificate.

HOW MANY WITNESSES ARE NEEDED, IF ANY? Must the witnesses be citizens of that country? Should they also serve as interpreters?

CIVIL VS. RELIGIOUS CEREMONIES: WHAT IS ALLOWED? Some countries only recognize civil ceremonies. Others are exactly the opposite, requiring a certain religious ceremony.
Destination Wedding Locations 145

THE SECRET CEREMONY OPTION
After all this talk about medical tests and translated birth certificates, you may be wondering "Am I crazy? The killer residency requirement is ridiculous! Should I forget this idea of a destination wedding?"

Of course not. Here's a solution: consider a "secret ceremony." Just before you get on the plane for that tropical getaway, you drop by the justice of the peace. In a very private ceremony, you tie the knot. Then, hop on the plane and have the wedding you've imagined on that white sand beach. If you've invited a small number of friends and family, they'll never know that you're already married and this is just for show.

The "secret ceremony option" is a wonderful way to have your cake and eat it, too. What does it matter that you were technically married hours earlier? You don't have to worry about translations, residency periods, foreign bureaucracies, and other red tape. Only you and your fiance know the truth. The important part is you're getting married. And this is going to be one hell of a vacation.

CAUTION: Use a credit card to for travel deposits or payments.
The travel industry is populated with hundreds of tour operators and "consolidators" who offer tremendous savings on airfares and hotels. Unfortunately, some are scam artists who take in huge amounts of money from travellers, only to go out of business before the trips are ever taken.

How do you know that a tour company (or a travel agent, for that matter) is reputable? The honest truth is it is very hard—scam artists can hide their trail of unhappy customers, or a seemingly reputable travel company can hit tough financial straits and go bankrupt overnight.

The only way to protect yourself is to use a credit card to pay for deposits or trip payments. Charges to your card have special federal consumer protection-—if you don't receive what you paid for or if the services or goods were inferior, you can dispute the charge on your card. The merchant has to prove that it didn't defraud you.

We've seen this work time and time again to protect consumers. When a travel tour company based right here in Boulder, Colorado, cancelled its European trips because of financial problems, the only consumers who got "refunds" were those who charged the deposits to credit cards. They just contacted their credit card companies and had the charges removed from their bill. Those who paid with cash or check lost as much as $3,000 each.

One quirk to this law: credit card issuers require you dispute the charge within sixty or ninety days after the "purchase," according to the fine print on the back of credit card statements. But you have to place deposits down six months in advance, right? How can you be protected?
Remember that a deposit is not actually a purchase. You have not yet received the goods or services (that is, the wedding or honeymoon trip). This loophole has enabled consumers to get credit even if months have elapsed since the deposit was made.

Another tip: follow the advice of a travel agent when selecting tour packages. The agents know who is reputable, which company fulfills their promises, and so on. Are travel agents foolproof? No, of course not. They can go out of business, too. And they might not steer you to the best deals (or even be aware of them). Nonetheless, we still find a reputable, experienced travel agent to be a valuable asset in planning your trip.

15 Money Saving Tips on Destination Wedding and Honeymoons

SAVE 50 PERCENT OR MORE BY GOING "OFF SEASON." California's Napa Valley is a bar-gain in spring. Ski resorts slash their rates in the summer and still offer fun festivals, hiking, mountain biking, and more. In the fall, the Caribbean has great deals before Christmas. Winter sees some of the lowest air fares to Europe. A good travel agent can help you find the best off-season bargains.

PICK UP CONDE NAST'S TRAVELLER MAGAZINE. We like this publication's honest and frank critiques of destinations and resorts. Forget the bridal magazines—their breathless chatter gives no real information. Another hot tip: travel guides for students (like the "Let's Go" series) offer great money-saving ideas.

CONSIDER THE "SHOULDER SEASONS" between high and low season. Not all destinations have super-saver bargains during shoulder times. But in the Caribbean, for example, the shoulder rates in late November or in late April are fantastic. One resort we found in the Virgin Islands has a shoulder season that offers big discounts. Go at the end of March (high season) and you'll pay $2330 per couple for seven nights. Wait one week (after April 1) and the price drops to $1630—a whopping savings of$700, which might be enough to pay for one airfare!

EXCHANGE MONEY AT A BANK. See if your local bank can exchange money before you leave, or find a bank at the location where you're heading. Hotel exchange rates could break you.

GET A CONDO OR SUITE WITH A KITCHEN and buy inexpensive breakfasts (like bagels, toast or frozen waffles). The savings over eating breakfast out each day will be significant—then you can go "whole hog" at dinner. Better yet, take full advantage of any complimentary breakfast offered by the hotel or resort.

CONSIDER A NICE THREE-NIGHT PACKAGE if seven nights will break the bank. Some resorts also have four- and five-night packages that are not as widely promoted as the seven-night variety.

PACKAGES THAT INCLUDE AIRFARE AND HOTEL OFFER THE BEST BARGAINS. Super deals include breakfasts, dinner(s), car rentals, and other goodies. Book early to get the best rates.

NEVER ORDER ROOM SERVICE. Surcharges and gratuities make this very expensive. Also, never even look at the minibar—that little refrigerator in your room stocked with $15 cans of peanuts. It may be tempting, but you'll pay the price later. Always check your final bill. We frequently have been charged for items in the minibar that we never touched.

PACK LOTS OF ESSENTIAL TOILETRIES, including shampoos and suntan lotion. Most hotels and resorts charge a premium price for such items.

PACK LITTLE PACKETS OF DETERGENT and hand wash any dirty clothes. We once used a hotel laundry service for two outfits and got a bill for $50.

GET A TRAVEL AGENT. They'll save you more money than you can imagine. We like ones who have actually visited the locations or hotels they've recommended—or have sent clients there recently and got good reports.

AVOID TAXIS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. Try to walk or ride the bus, since taxis are darned expensive.

SEE IF THE RATES FOR A ROOM WITH LESS OF A VIEW ARE SIGNIFICANTLY LESS EXPENSIVE. If you're right next to the beach, you don't have to look at it twenty-four hours a day. With the savings from a "garden view" room, you might be able to afford another day or two of vacation.

CHECK YOUR CAR INSURANCE COVERAGE FOR CAR RENTAL COVERAGE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY. Don't buy expensive extra collision coverage if you don't need it. Some credit cards also offer tins perk if you use them to pay for the rental.

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANY STUDENT DISCOUNTS. Many airlines and even hotels offer discounted rates to college students. Typically, such fares require you to be under a certain age and/or have a college ID. Discounts on both domestic and international travel can be significant.

WARNING: Marriage license requirements can change at any time.
In the following section, we review various destinations and give you general information on getting married there. While we have thoroughly researched this material, omissions and mistakes may exist.

Therefore, we urge you to consult the services of a professional wedding planner (whether he or she works independently or for a resort or hotel) to obtain, a marriage license in a foreign country. In addition, requirements and rules at home or abroad may change at any time. Before departing, be sure to confirm all documentation, residency periods, and other rules.

Long Distance Wedding: Scams and Rip-offs

2009-07-03T06:48:00.000-07:00

Just the other day we received a call from a panicked bride in California. Her wedding (which was in Houston, Texas) went off without a hitch—except for the pictures. The photographer had just called to say he was holding her pictures hostage—if she didn't send in another $500, she'd never see them and he'd destroy the negatives.

How did this happen? This long-distance bride became a victim of what we call the "local contract scam." Most contracts and agreements used by wedding merchants are written for in-town customers. For example, the photographer above had a "proof release" form that stated "the bride agrees to return the proofs within ten days; after this deadline, the bride agrees to purchase the entire proof set."

This clause is obviously used to encourage r couples to return their proofs (and hence place their orders) in a timely manner. The ten-day limit may be fine for in-town customers, but for our long-distance bride, this clause proved her undoing. Transit time to send the proofs from Texas to California chewed up five days alone. While the bride admitted to signing this form, she had no idea that the studio would hold her to this unrealistic time deadline. So, what do you think happened when the proofs arrived back in the studio past the deadline? The photographer called back the bride and said she would now have to purchase all the proofs (adding up to another $500 in charges!).

After the consumer brought this situation to our attention, we called the photographer to find out what happened. When pressed, the photographer admitted that the time deadline was unrealistic, but smugly said that it was the bride's "tough luck." He had the pictures and knew that the consumer wouldn't be interested in an expensive, long-distance court battie to get them.
What happened? The bride coughed up the $500 and got her pictures. And she learned a lesson—the same lesson that you can learn before you head down the aisle. You can avoid being a victim.

WHY ARE FAR & AWAY WEDDINGS THE MOST VULNERABLE TO SCAMS?
Weddings are a one-shot deal. After you purchase that dress, can you ever imagine yourself going back to the bridal shop? Will you buy another wedding video? Bridal bouquet?
The answer is probably no. After you walk out of that wedding business, the employees/owners are well aware that they'll never see you again. Unscrupulous scum bags see this as the perfect opportunity to fleece you out of your money, delivering shoddy goods and substandard services. Or failing to deliver anything at all, leaving town with your money.

Adding fuel to the fire is the "standard industry practice" of requiring (demanding) deposits to "hold your date." Some companies require 100 percent payment before they ever deliver you their goods or services. Often this is a recipe for disaster—after they've got your money, you must trust them to deliver those flowers to the wedding, shoot those pictures, serve that menu, or whatever. Paying in advance for something that is supposed to be delivered in the future is precarious at best. (An exception to this is Discount Bridal Service— mentioned in an earlier chapter—which requires a 100 percent deposit. We have found this company to be reliable and reputable.)

Long-distance and destination couples are especially vulnerable. If the merchant tries to pull a fast one you can't confront them face-to-face after the wedding—perhaps the most effective negotiating technique. They know you live hundreds (if not thou-sands) of miles away and you must trust them to do as they promise. Like the sleeze-bag photographer from the above story, they've got you in a corner and can theoretically demand whatever they think they can get away with.

All this said, it is worth noting that the majority of wedding merchants we have researched are honest folks. The cliche about the "few bad apples" is true to a certain degree—only a small percentage of companies are shady (perhaps one in ten). The problem is that you are playing roulette here with a lot of money—one wrong spin of the wheel, and you could find yourself in the position of the bride above who had her pictures held hostage.
As a result, we urge you to treat each merchant with what we call "polite suspicion." In other words, you must always plan for the worst-case scenario.

TOP CONSUMER TIPS FOR FAR & AWAY WEDDINGS

SCREEN! SCREEN! SCREEN! Most disreputable companies have left a large number of unhappy brides in their wake. As a result, they leave a trail of slime that can be detected if you talk to other wedding merchants, past brides, a local consumer protection office, and the Better Business Bureau. Taking the time to check references is your first line of defense.

GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING. No money should exchange hands until you've had time to review a written contract agreement that clearly spells out what you are receiving. Logistics such as delivery times should be clear and cancellation and refund policies must be spelled out.

MAKE ALTERATIONS TO STANDARD CONTRACTS TO ACCOUNT FOR LONGDISTANCE CIRCUMSTANCES. The bride in the story at the beginning of this chapter learned the sad fact that many contracts are written for in-town brides. In her case, she should have insisted in writing that the "standard" contract be modified to take into account her long-distance wedding. Be careful to look for penalty fees that zap you if you don't respond in a certain number of days. If you think any part of an agreement is unworkable, ask for changes.

NEVER, EVER ACCEPT VERBAL AGREEMENTS. A "hand-shake" agreement is a big no-no. Don't ever let the merchant take your money, promising to send a written agreement later. Often what happens is that the contract (which shows up much later) contains a few surprises they never told you about—surprises that could cost you dearly.

ALWAYS GET CHANGES IN WRITING. Changes are a part of life, especially when you plan something this far in advance. Make sure any change is also in writing—this does not mean you must sign a new agreement with the company, however. According to attorneys we have consult- ed, often all that is required is to send a written letter or memo that outlines the change. This is evidence that a change (that has been agreed to verbally) has taken place. Putting it in writing also helps the merchant remember the change.

NEGOTIATE THE LOWEST DEPOSIT POSSIBLE. Giving the merchant the lowest amount of deposit money possible provides a powerful incentive to the merchant—if they don't deliver the quality that's promised, they may not get the rest of their money. Try to pay the balance for bridal services after the goods/services are delivered to confirm the quality. This may not always be possible; many photographers, for example, insist on full payment before they take one shot. Others, like musicians or caterers, may allow you to settle at the end of the evening.

USE THAT CREDIT CARD. If you've read any of our other books, you know we highly recommend the use of credit cards. Remember that purchases (deposits and final payments) are covered by special consumer protection laws that enable you to receive a refund if the merchant fails to deliver what they promise. If you have a problem, you simply contact the bank that issued your card and dispute the charge; the merchant must then prove they didn't rip you off. When you write a check or pay by cash, you lose this crucial bargaining chip if things go wrong.

Consider hiring a bridal consultant or destination wedding planner. We realize doing this costs extra money, but consider the additional peace of mind. Having a bridal consultant at the wedding location makes the merchant think twice about ripping you off. Not only can the consultant harass them for a refund, but the merchant stands to lose all future business from the planner. The same goes for destination wedding planners—if the company has an on-site coordinator, the chances of getting scammed are less.

THE SURROGATE BAD COP
As a bride and groom, you obviously want to enjoy your wedding and reception. The last thing you want to do is dicker with a wedding merchant who is not doing their job. Arguing with the florist minutes before the wedding or finding out that the band is playing country instead of rock-n-roll is not any fun.

Yet you do want to get what you paid for. So, we recommend you use a "surrogate bad cop" to be your "enforcer" on the big day. This could be a wedding planner or consultant whom you have hired, or simply a relative (Mom) or a bridesmaid. Their job is to make your life happy by handling the dirty work. They will go tell the band to play the correct music, or get the florist to make the extra corsage they forgot to make for Grandma. Meet with the surrogate bad cop before the wedding. Tell them you have trusted them to make sure your wedding day is enjoyable—and you need them to fine-tune any last minute problems. Bring with you to the meeting and the wedding a folder with copies of all the written agreements you got from the merchants. Then, if the florist fails to bring that corsage and claims you didn't order it, your surrogate bad cop will whip out the written proposal that the florist signed and calmly point out their error. Grandma will get her corsage and you (the bride and groom) will enjoy the evening.
Another smart tip—get home phone numbers (as well as cellular and pager numbers) for all the merchants you've hired. Why? If it's Saturday night and the caterer is missing, do you think anyone is at their office? Probably not—you might have a better chance reaching them at home or in the car. Give this list to your surrogate bad cop to have at the wedding and reception.
A surrogate bad cop is an important job that you entrust to someone who is responsible. Make sure you pick wisely. The more helpful this person is willing to be, the more you'll actually enjoy the wedding and reception.

WATCH OUT FOR WEIRD LICENSE RULES
The marriage license may be one of the last things you'll purchase before the wedding, but beware that some states have some strange hoops that they force brides and grooms to jump through.

Waiting period rules are a prime example. Take Texas, for example. Brides and grooms in the Lone Star State must wait seventy-two hours after they get the license until the actual ceremony. The theory here is to provide a "cooling off" period for those couples who are rushing into marriage after a burst of passion. While this is nice, it sure is hell for long-distance brides and grooms who now must come into town three days early just to get the license.
Others states have blood test requirements. One Pennsylvania bride who was planning a wedding in Florida ran into a blizzard of red tape before her wedding. Florida told her they would only accept a blood test certificate from a Florida-state inspected lab, which took an entire week.to return results. The upshot: the bride and groom had to go to Florida a-week before the wedding.

The message here: check with the county marriage license department in the town you are getting married in to find out all the requirements and weird rules. Above all, do this EARLY. If a blood test is required, for example, then you may be able to combine this with an on-site visit earlier in your planning process.

Also ask if there are any exemptions to the rules. For example, in Texas, a district judge can waive the waiting-period requirement. If you're in a jam, this may be worth investigating.

Long Distance Wedding: Countdown (Part II)

2009-07-02T10:33:00.000-07:00

The Flowers

We recommend setting up an appointment with the florist early in the week before your wedding, if it is on a weekend. If adjustments have to be made, chances are the flowers haven't been delivered to the florist by Monday or Tuesday of that week. If you can't be there, give your surrogate planner a copy of the contract or proposal—and any changes or questions you may have. Have the planner touch base with the florist to confirm these details:

Date and place of delivery. Make sure the florist has the correct date and place on his or her calender. If you chose an off-peak day such as a Sunday, be sure to point this out. We've received letters from brides who've had no flowers at their Sunday weddings, thanks to florists who "assumed" all weddings are on Saturdays.
Time of delivery to the ceremony. You must be certain that the site will be open to allow the florist to set up. If the florist has several weddings on your date, he or she may plan to drop the flowers off early to your wedding. Remember, if you plan a summer wedding, you'll want to be sure the air conditioning is on at the ceremony site so the flowers do not wilt.
Coordination of ceremony flowers. Ask if the florist will be willing to help pin on corsages and boutonnieres, as well as show the bridesmaids how to hold their bouquets. Some florists include this coordination in their cost, others charge an additional fee for it and still others don't offer the service at all. Check ahead of time.
Time of delivery to the reception site. Again, you'll need to know how early the flowers will be delivered so you can coordinate with the reception site to have the space open and the air conditioning working. Also, your florist should have contacted die reception site to discuss placement of arrangements with the caterer—ask if he or she has!
If you plan to have some ceremony arrangements transferred to the reception, confirm these details. Ask if there is an additional fee for this service. Give the florist a specific time to pick up the flowers from the ceremony site and deliver them to the reception.
Last minute changes. You found out that your fiance's mom is allergic to gardenias so you need to change her corsage. Or you decided you wanted a guest book attendant and need to order another corsage. Put all your requests and changes in writing, give one copy to the florist at your meeting and keep one for yourself. If you must make changes via the telephone, send the florist a written memo detailing the discussion. This is the only way to make sure you get what you want. Remember, however, that last minute changes may cost you extra money. If this is the case, have the florist re-draw up the order sheet to include your changes as well as the additional expenses. Don't take "no" for an answer—this is your wedding and your right as a consumer! Payment terms if there is an unpaid balance. If possible pay the balance after the wedding day. Usually, however, florists require full payment before the date.

The Bakery

Go over the size, flavor, and decoration of the cake(s). This is important if you want to be certain the cake corresponds to your original order. If you are in town, try to visit the baker in person, early in the week prior to your wedding.

When will the cake be delivered? This is crucial! It is best for the cake to be delivered an hour or two before the reception. An earlier delivery may invite mishaps such as cakes toppled by a bumbling catering staffer.
Of course, make sure they have the correct date, time, and location.
Make sure the baker has phone numbers for the caterer, reception site, and florist so they can coordinate with one another.
Confirm their return policy for any rented items (cake plates, columns, and so on).
Pay the final bill. Most bakers require full payment before the wedding—if you can pay at the time of delivery, this may be better.

The Photographer (and the Videographer)

Set appointments with the photographer and videographer the week before the wedding. This is prudent since many photographers haven't met both the bride and groom—this is a perfect time to introduce them. During this meeting:

Confirm the place and time of the ceremony and reception.
Bring your "shot list." This is a list of photography "must haves." For example, you may want a picture of you and all your siblings. Or a detailed portrait of the grandparents. put it in writing! Make a list for the photographer, keep one for yourself and give one to your surrogate bad cop at the wedding. This way, if the photographer claims he "forgot" his list at home, someone at the wedding will have a copy. find out how the photographer plans to run the day. Discuss the sequence of the day's events and how you will coordinate with him or her to keep on schedule. Of course, you may have a professional coordinator who is responsible for the flow of the evening—if so, inform the photographer. Have the photographer contact the coordinator for details on the day's events.
Confirm the payment terms. Ask if you can pay the balance after you pick up the proofs or the finished album. This will help ensure that the photographer delivers what he or she promises.
Cover emergency plans. If you haven't already confirmed this, find out what the photographer will do in the case of an emergency. For example, when will he call you if he can't make your wedding? Who will step in for him? What about backup equipment in the case of a mechanical failure?
If the videographer is attending the rehearsal, confirm the date and time. There may be an extra charge for this service. Also, ask the videographer many of the above questions.

The Musicians or DJs

Music at the Ceremony

Call each musician to confirm the date, time, and location. Also review the selections to be played and at what time during the ceremony. Ask if they will attend the rehearsal and confirm any extra charge. Find out when they want to be paid, before the ceremony or after (see if the best man can pay these bills when he pays the officiant). If you have any friends or relatives who will be singing or performing at the ceremony, contact them to confirm rehearsal dates and times

Music at the Reception:

Confirm the date, time, and location of the reception. Tell them when the reception site will be available for set-up. Give them the phone number of the reception site or the caterer.
Confirm what the musicians or DJ will be wearing, especially if you prefer formal attire.
Provide them with a list of special songs and preferences. Hopefully, you gave this to them earlier so they could learn the songs or pick up the appropriate CDs. This just should be a confirmation. Remember to give a copy of your list to your surrogate bad cop at the wedding, in case the band "forgets" their copy.
If you need to make adjustments in the song list, now is the time to ask. Sometimes this is possible, but if a band needs to learn a new selection, it may not be feasible. When do the musicians need to be paid? Musicians seem to play better when paid after the reception, rather than before. If you can swing this, make sure someone at the wedding (a consultant or relative) has a check for the band.

Limousines

By phone, confirm date, time, and location of pickup.
Consider providing the limo company with maps of the locations and schedules, so they don't get lost or arrive late. You can typically fax this information.
Check on payment policy.
If you're renting a luxury car from a company like Avis, call to confirm with the rental company ahead of time. Also, provide volunteer drivers with maps and schedules.
Rehearsal Dinner and/or Bridesmaids Luncheon
Confirm the time and date with the restaurant or site.
Check with the caterer or site about the menu. Give them a final guest count.
If you're providing the beverages, find out when you need to drop off beverages for chilling.
Put all attendants' gifts in one place. This helps you remember to bring them to the rehearsal dinner or bridesmaids luncheon.
Give each member of the bridal party a written schedule of the events of the wedding day. Don't let anyone leave without reading it. It may be best to do this at the rehearsal itself. This is your best opportunity to get that notoriously late groomsman to the church on time. Take different members aside to explain their roles the following day (best man must pay officiant, etc.).

FOR ALL SERVICES

GET ALL THE PHONE NUMBERS FOR EVERY MERCHANT OR BUSINESS YOU ARE HIRING, What if the DJ is AWOL at the reception? Or the photographer is late to the ceremony? Calling their office number on a Saturday may only get you an answering machine. Having their home phone numbers (as well as cellular phone numbers and/or pager numbers) is peace of mind for any bride and groom.

IF YOU PLAN TO ALLOW THE PHOTOGRAPHER, VIDEOGRAPHER, AND RECEPTION ENTERTAINERS TO EAT AT YOUR RECEPTION, INFORM THEM AHEAD OF TIME. If you are providing them sandwiches or an alternative to the food you're serving your guests, tell them to see the caterer for their meals.

CONFIRM WITH ALL BUSINESSES WHEN THEIR PART OF THE "SHOW" WILL BE OVER. For example, if the photographer is only going to be at the reception for three hours, confirm this and ask about overtime fees.

When you get engaged

Decide when and where you want to go. Using the back section of this book, compare the different costs for possible sites. Decide whether you want an "intimate" wedding (couple only) or a more traditional wedding that includes family and friends. Whether or not your guests can afford the trip is a consideration (some couples pick up airfare and hotel tabs for guests, which obviously inflates wedding costs.)
Do some basic research into marriage requirements at different locales. When we review sites at the back of this book, we'll give you a general idea of what different states or countries require. This will help you decide whether you can do the planning on your own or if you will need the services of a professional planner.
Decide how much time you have. Remember that many destinations require a full day of travel time each way. Hence, a seven-day honeymoon may be reduced to just five days of actual vacation. Is that enough?
Prepare a destination wedding budget. Talk to a travel agent to get the latest prices on air/hotel packages. Factor in other costs like long-distance phone calls, faxes, translations and document processing, car rental, transfers from the airport, meals, sightseeing activities, shopping and, of course, the wedding itself (flowers, photography, officiant fees) Other extras might include a professional planner's fee, tips, and so on.
Remember that many "traditional" bridal gowns require three to four months to order, plus another two weeks for alterations. If you're lucky, you might be able to buy a sample gown off-the-rack. Less formal gowns may require less lead time to order or you can buy one off-the-rack at a department store. Once the date and place are set, you'll want to begin the gown search in earnest.

Passports

You'll need a certified copy of your birth certificate. Be aware that if you need to send away for this from the Department of Health in the county in which you were born, it may take four to six weeks.
Get an application from a main post office near you. You'll need two identical pictures taken within the last month (Kinko's copy shop and travel agents can do this for you). You'll also need a driver's license and $65 (for an adult).
Once you submit your application, it may take at least four weeks for processing. One postal employee told us that they do offer "express" service, which takes about a week and costs $20 extra.
Make any airport and hotel reservations in your maiden name. You'll have to do this since your passport will be in your maiden name.

Marriage License Gymnastics

Investigate the marriage license requirements of your desired location. Ask a hotel/resort concierge for help or hire a destination wedding planner.
Check for residency requirements. Some destinations require you to be in "residence" for a period of days or weeks prior to the wedding. Even a few states have "waiting periods" that require you to wait two to three days between the time you get the license and when the wedding can be performed.
Be aware of filing periods. Some countries require up to six weeks to process your completed application. Other locations require documents to be translated.
If you've been married previously, you may need either a copy of the divorce decree or a copy of your spouse's death certificate, if you are widowed.
Typical documents required include a birth certificate (or driver's license for U.S. destinations) and, in some cases, medical test results. Arrange for these as soon as possible.
Other Stuff
Remember that many resorts and hotels book up to six months in advance. Does that mean you can't plan a destination wedding in less time? Of course not—the prices may be higher and the pickings slimmer, but it can be done.
Two weeks before your wedding, confirm all the details. Refer back to the checklist earlier in this chapter for specific points.
For U.S. destinations, pack all required documents (birth certificate, divorce decree, etc.) in one place so you can find them conveniently when you arrive in your destination. You will need to apply for your marriage license as soon as you arrive, especially if the state has a waiting period.

COUNTDOWN CHECKLIST AT A GLANCE

The License
The Guest List
The Bride's Dress
The Bridesmaids's Dresses
The Groom and Other Men
The Officiant
The Ceremony Site
The Reception Site
The Caterer O The Flowers
The Baker
The Photographer
The Videographer
The Photographer
The Musicians or DJs
Limousines
Rehearsal Dinner
O Passports and Other Stuff

Long Distance Wedding: Countdown (Part I)

2009-07-02T09:56:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that checklists have probably saved the sanity of thousands of brides and grooms each year. Just pop by the wedding section of your local bookstore and you'll find giant spiral bound books with titles like Checklists For The World's Most Excruciatingly Perfect Nuptials and 101 Easy Steps to Planning Your Fourth Wedding.

Of course, none of these tomes addresses a situation like yours. Dealing with surrogate planners and marriage license gymnastics are details unique to far and away weddings. In response, we would like to humbly present the following checklists to ease that trip down the aisle.

LONG-DISTANCE WEDDING COUNTDOWN

The real crunch time for long-distance brides and grooms is the last week or two before the wedding. Here are some key hurdles you must pass.

The License

Here is a small detail that, if overlooked, can ruin your whole wedding: the marriage license. Each state has it's own rules for marriage licenses—some require blood tests, others have waiting periods and so on.

We suggest calling about three months ahead to find out all the rules. Typically, a county clerk or marriage license bureau will have the answers. Key questions to ask include: are there any health test requirements (blood test, for example)? What are the cost and payment options (most states accept cash only)? Any waiting periods (the time between when the license is bought and when a wedding can occur)? Must you apply in person? What documents (or identification) are needed? Can one of you apply "by proxy" (a procedure by which the absent person may apply for a license)?

Be prepared for some surprises. One bride who was planning a long-distance wedding in Georgia discovered the state only accepted blood test results from Georgia labs—this forced her to come in a week earlier than planned. In Texas, couples must wait seventy-two hours from the time they get the license to the actual ceremony. That means buying the license Wednesday for a weekend wedding.
Try to avoid visiting license bureaus on Friday afternoon—this is the busiest time.

The Guest List

Two weeks before your date, you will busiest time. ! no doubt be thinking it's time to figure out how many people will be actually attending the wedding. But . . . you haven't received calls or response cards from all the people on your invitation list. What do you do? Hopefully, most guests will be polite enough to respond. For those who aren't, call them—especially if you are planning an expensive sit-down dinner and need a very accurate count for your caterer. Ask your caterer when they will need this final count.

Don't be surprised when your guests decide to add family members or friends to their group. For example, you may have chosen not to invite children to your reception, but one family may decide to bring them anyway. Try to politely reiterate your "no kids" policy, but accept with good grace if they ignore it and plan to bring the children anyway. Remember that no matter what you think your final count is, there are always a small number of people who will show up when they said they wouldn't and people who don't come, but responded that they would. The caterer should be preparexi to handle 5 to 10 percent more guests than your actual final count.

THE APPAREL

The bride's dress

So, you've picked up your dress from your in-town bridal shop, packed it away, and shipped it or carried it to the wedding location. Once the dress arrives, you will want to have it steamed (not pressed) at a local bridal shop or dry cleaner. Make sure your surrogate planner has called around in advance to find a local business that can steam your dress.

Try to assign one room in your parents' house (or wherever you are staying) for all your apparel and honeymoon gear. In fact, use one whole suitcase or box to hold all the items you will need for your wedding day: makeup, bra, slip, hose (have a couple of extra pairs), jewelry, and so on. Also, include an emergency sewing kit to handle last-minute problems.

When packing for your honeymoon, be- sure to place the tickets, passport, travelers checks, and itinerary with your clothes—this way you'll avoid misplacing these important items.

The bridesmaids' dresses

Bridesmaids can either send their dresses early to the wedding location (perhaps to your parents' home), or bring them on the plane or in the car with them. Again, they will need to have their dresses steamed.

Before they come in to the wedding location, send each bridesmaid a list of the items they will need to pack for both the wedding weekend and the actual wedding day. For example, if you plan a formal rehearsal dinner, tell your bridesmaids to pack a nice dress. If a barbecue is on the agenda, shorts and t-shirts will be more appropriate. The list should include dresses, slips, hose (make sure they all wear the same color—consider supplying this yourself), accessories, makeup, and so forth. Providing this list will help attendants remember every detail.

The groom and other men in the bridal party

Find out how early the groom can pick up his tuxedo from the rental shop. If he owns his own suit or tux, make sure it gets steamed at the same time the bride's and bridesmaids' dresses are taken care of.

Usually, rental tuxedos can't be picked up until the day before the wedding. Be sure the groom and groomsmen try on their tuxes to be certain they fit properly. Improper fit should be taken care of immediately. Groomsmen will also need to receive a written schedule regarding when and where to pick up their tuxes and what they should receive (style of tuxedo, color of ties and cummerbunds, jewelry, shoes if you're renting them, etc.). If they are wearing their own suits or shoes, fist what color shirts, ties, socks, and shoes are expected. Try to have all the tuxedos picked up at the same time to insure the right colors and styles.

TUXEDO SNAFUS

One bride told us about a snafu that occurred with the men's tuxedos at her wedding. The bride chose royal blue ties and cummerbunds and specified this at the time she reserved the tuxedos. The day before the wedding some groomsmen picked up their tuxes in the morning, while the groom picked his up later in the afternoon. The bride's father picked up his tux the morning of the wedding. When they all arrived at the ceremony site (a couple hours before the wedding) various members of the wedding party discovered they were given different colored ties and cummerbunds.

The bride's father attempted to return the tie sets and get the proper color, but was treated rudely by the tuxedo shop's staff. In fact, the shop insisted they had not made any mistakes! Needless to say, the father of the bride was miffed, but instead of making a stink, took the proper number of black tie and cummerbund sets and left for the wedding. Although the ties didn't match the royal blue bridesmaids dresses, this was the easiest compromise.

The moral of the story is: get everything in writing and try to coordinate picking up all the tuxedos at one time. This way you will be certain the tuxedo styles and colors coordinate. If the groomsmen can't pick up their tuxes together, give each of them a list noting the style number and color of the tuxedo, tie and cummerbund. Don't say the ties are "blue," instead tell them "royal blue, style 304."

One reliable tux rental company is Gingiss \ Formal Wear, a nationwide chain with shops in most metro areas. Gingiss has a special program to get measurements of out-of-town groomsmen that results in more accurate sizing.

The Officiant

We are amazed at the number of stories we hear from married couples who tell us the officiant (priest, pastor, rabbi, or judge) never showed up or was several hours late to their wedding! An easy way to avoid this is to schedule a pre-wedding visit with the officiant. At this meeting, discuss the time of the event, the officiant's fee, the rehearsal (when and where), the flow of the ceremony, and any last-minute requests or questions you may have.

On the day of the rehearsal we also recommend another call to the officiant's office to confirm the rehearsal time. Obviously, an officiant is vital to making a wedding ceremony legal—be sure he or she is there!

The Ceremony Site

If you're in town a couple of days before the wedding, we recommend visiting the ceremony site to go over any last-minute details. Some examples of questions to ask include:

How early can the florist deliver the flowers? Is there a refrigerator to hold the flowers if they're dropped off early? If not, will the air conditioning be turned on so the flowers don't wilt?
Where can the videographer set up his equipment? The photographer? Can they use lights or flashes? Can they move around?
Where will the bride and the bridesmaids be able to dress or wait for the ceremony to start? What about the groom and groomsmen?
Confirm the date and time the ceremony is scheduled. How early can we get there to dress and take pictures?
Confirm the date and time of rehearsal. Will a coordinator be able to help us run the rehearsal (and later the ceremony)? If I have my own coordinator, will she be able to run the rehearsal and ceremony without interference ?
Where do the musicians sit or stand?

Another reason to schedule this appointment is the "surprise remodel" problem. One long-distance bride alerted us to this pitfall when she discovered, to her horror, that her church hadn't finished remodeling by her wedding date. Never mind that the church had promised the work would be finished a month earlier—such projects always seem to run longer than expected. With just days before her wedding, the bride walked into the church to discover ugly scaffolding, bare pipes, and exposed insulation. Despite some last-minute attempts to cover up the construction, the ambiance was destroyed. The lesson is twofold: first, think twice about booking any ceremony site where a major renovation or remodel is planned near your wedding date. Second, have your surrogate planner visit the site a couple of weeks prior to the wedding to make sure everything is in its place.

The Reception Site

Confirm the time and date of the event—especially if it's an off-time or off-day, like a Sunday wedding at 2 pm.
When will the facility be opened? Your caterer, florist, and cake baker need to know how early they can get in to set up. Make sure the air conditioning or heat is turned on far enough in advance.
If the reception site staff is setting up the tables and chairs, ask to see a sketch of the setup and traffic flow.
Ask to see the changing rooms or restrooms to determine if you will be able to change into traveling clothes comfortably.
When is the balance due to be paid? Most sites, unless they are hotels or country clubs, will need to be paid in advance. Be prepared.

The Caterer

It would be ideal to meet with your caterer a couple weeks before your wedding day. However, most long-distance brides can't schedule to come in this early and must do some last-minute planning over the phone. Either way, ask several important questions about your reception:

Confirm the date and time
When will you begin setting up for the reception? This is important because it influences the times when the flowers and cake can be delivered.
Are you familiar with the florist and the cake baker? Since coordination here is key, it's a good idea to insist that the caterer contact each of them. This way, if there are any logistical problems, they can work them out ahead of time rather than during your actual wedding,
Look over the menu one last time. Confirm any verbal changes you made earlier in the planning process. Go over the setup of the tables, the buffet, the head table, the guest table, and the cake table. When making your appointment with the caterer, it might be a good idea to ask him or her to have a sketch of the setup available to preview. Confirm number of servers and their attire—if you requested tuxedos, make sure the caterer has this in his or her notes.
If the bride and groom are providing the alcohol to the caterer, when is it needed? This is an important detail because the caterer will need to chill some beverages ahead of time.
Can I make any last-minute changes? This is easier to accomplish earlier in the planning process, but if something comes up at the last minute, ask about it. Menu changes may cost extra, so be prepared.
When do you want final payment? Most caterers require final payment prior to the wedding date in order to pay for the staff, food, and rentals. Be prepared if this is the case with your wedding.
Some caterers won't take a personal check, instead insisting on a cashier's check. Ask about this when making your appointment.
When is the last day to give a final guest count? Call back on that day and give the caterer your final count. Confirm that the caterer will provide 5 to 10 percent more food to accommodate additional people.

Long Distance Wedding: On-Site Visits

2009-06-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

This post is a good example why readers think wedding advice authors should be occasionally-rounded up like a pack of lame mules and flogged in public view. See, folks like us spend all this time researching the best way to do something (like plan a long-distance or destination wedding) and come up with a perfectly rational strategy: go visit the site before the wedding to line up all the details.

Then some of you will respond, 'Are you nuts?" "Why is that so difficult?" we ask. "Have you checked the price of air fares lately? A wedding is expensive enough without adding several hundred more dollars in travel costs. And what about vacation time—I was planning to use that for the honeymoon, not for wedding planning, as romantic as that can be."

If your long-distance wedding is back in your hometown, however, you can combine this trip with a holiday vacation. And many destination wedding sites may have already been scoped out on a previous vacation.

So, realizing the obvious roadblocks to our scientifically researched wedding planning strategy, we'd like to present several possibilities. First, you can make just one, brief visit to the wedding location. Second, the lucky few may be able to make multiple visits; we will show you how to make the most of this option. Finally, we know some of you may not be able to make any visits at all; we hope this post also provides some advice for those of you in that pickle.

THE SINGLE VISIT
When you are only able to visit the wedding location once, it goes without saying that you must use your time wisely. First, try to come in for at least two to three days. The optimum time would be Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. If you time the visit so that you leave on Sunday (staying over a Saturday night), you will save money on airfare, hotels, and rental cars.

The Commando-style Visit

The week prior to your visit, set up appointments with the following businesses: reception sites, caterers, photographers, videographers, florists, bakers, and entertainers (ask if you can see them play at another reception or party). Fly in Wednesday evening and try to get plenty of sleep..

THURSDAY. VISIT YOUR TOP PRIORITIES.
These should include visiting your preferred choices for reception sites and/or caterers, photographers, and videographers. These merchants book up farther in advance than others, so if you want to hire the best, visit them early. You'll also want, to visit these businesses first in case your top choices don't work out. This gives you Friday (or day two) to visit with other sources lower on your preference list.

FRIDAY. MEET WITH YOUR TOP CHOICES for florists and bakers as well as any remaining merchants from the day before.

SATURDAY YOU MAY BE ABLE TO SET UP SOME APPOINTMENTS with bakeries that aren't too busy on Saturday. Florists, however, are probably out—they're often busy delivering and setting up other weddings. Try to set up visits to the reception site and/or caterer to see actual receptions. This will help you decide which reception sites and caterers you will want to hire.

FINALLY, CHECK OUT BANDS AND DJS on Saturday night. Remember to visit receptions later in the evening after the meal has been served. This allows you to see the band or DJ in action, instead of playing background dinner music.

You will probably find yourself having to make other, minor arrangements over the phone since you only have one short visit to the wedding location. Businesses like limo companies are often hired by phone. However, use that fax machine and the mail to make sure you get all agreements in writing. Also use your surrogate planner to help with these details if you have any doubts about relying solely on the telephone.

MULTIPLE VISITS
If you have the luxury of making several trips to the wedding location, you can modify the above plan. Assuming you will make two trips:

THE FIRST TRIP WOULD CONSIST OF VISITS TO THE "HIGH PRIORITY" MERCHANTS: reception site, caterer, photographer, videographer, and musicians, band, or DJ. Instead of the top one or two choices in each category, you may be able to visit three or four.

ON THE SECOND OR SUBSEQUENT VISITS, YOU CAN MEET WITH THE BUSINESSES THAT REQUIRE LESS ADVANCED NOTICE to book, namely florists and bakers. For example, while photographers may book up six to nine months in advance (some as much as a year for prime June dates), florists work with less notice—perhaps three months or less in smaller towns to six months or more in large cities. In your screening process, ask them how soon you should book. This will give you a guide as to when to time your visit and decision.

IF TIME PERMITS, CONSIDER HANDLING SOME OF THOSE "MINOR" DETAILS for your wedding as well. A prime example is transportation—if you want to book a limo, you may now have time to visit a few companies to look at cars.

NO VISIT
What if you can't visit the wedding location at all? You will obviously have to rely on your surrogate planner or a bridal consultant. Hiring a professional wedding planner may be well worth the cost, especially for anything but the smallest, most informal weddings.

While videos and photos of different options will help, it is imperative to get everything in wiring. You should have the final say, but the lack of personal visits will require you to surrender some control over the event. You must trust your surrogate planner at the wedding location to be your eyes, ears, and better judgment.

Take a hard look at your schedule. If you can fit in one of the short, "commando" style visits that we describe above, do it. Even just one or two days at the wedding location will be worth the effort.

GONZO STRATEGIES TO MAXIMIZE YOUR VISIT

CONFIRM ALL APPOINTMENTS. A day or so before the appointment, call the merchant to confirm the time, address/location, directions, and the name of the person you are meeting with. Ask about parking (location and cost, if applicable). Confirming appointments is crucial to heading off merchant "no-shows" and other delays that will waste your time.

CLUSTER APPOINTMENTS IN THE SAME LOCATION. When scheduling, try to visit businesses in the same part of town in sequence to minimize travel time. Eliminating long trips back and forth between downtown and the suburbs will maximize the use of your time.

SCHEDULE ABOUT THIRTY TO FORTY-FIVE MINUTES TO MEET WITH EACH PROSPECT. That's really all you need. (Caterers and reception sites might take more time, while bakers need the least.)

LEAVE PLENTY OF TRAVEL TIME. Most oi your appointments will be between morning and evening rush hours, but beware of the surprise traffic jam. Leaving a good fifteen minutes to find parking, the right suite number, and so on is prudent. For evening appointments, watch out for evening rush-hour traffic.

START EARLY AND GO LATE! Some merchants will do early morning appointments (8 am) and others offer special evening appointments (6, 7, or 8 pm)! Ask if they will make a special effort to meet when you have an opening. We are always impressed by merchants who go the extra mile to make evening appointments.

KEEP TO THE SCHEDULE. Wear a watch and warn long-winded merchants that you have another appointment to go to. Be polite, but avoid long speeches on your background, and so on. Get down to business!

MIX IT UP TO AVOID BURN-OUT. Don't schedule three photographer appointments all in a row—you'll go nuts with "photo overload." Follow up a photographer visit with a caterer, then a reception site, and so on.

BUY OR BORROW A GOOD MAP. Even if you think you know the city, you don't have any time to get lost. Use colored sticker dots or markers to pinpoint locations of appointments.

TRY TO AVOID HOLIDAY TIMES OF THE YEAR. There's a double whammy that may stymie your best efforts to research your wedding during a Christmas vacation. First, some merchants are doing the same thing you are: taking a vacation. Others, such as caterers and entertainers, are darn busy with, all those holiday parties. Another troublesome time of the year is August (beware the summer vacations). Valentines' Day (and the week before) is a crazy time for florists. If you must do your trip during a holiday period, call ahead to see who will be there and who's off on vacation. Be patient and well organized.

Long Distance Wedding: Surrogate Planners

2009-06-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

Surrogate Planners

It was a dark and stormy night. You know, we've always wanted to start a post like that. But the truth is, planning a long-distance or destination wedding without some help can be a stormy affair. The good news is you don't have to plan this whole she-bang alone.

That's where surrogate planners come in. For a long-distance wedding, a friend or relative at the wed-ding location may offer to help you tie the knot. Or you can turn your wedding over to a professional bridal consultant. Destination weddings add a different twist: you need one person who's both a bridal consultant and an experienced travel agent. Fortunately, we found several companies that fit both bills. Well tell you about these later, but first lets talk about the one unpredictable (but lovable) element that most weddings have: Mom.

FRIENDS & FAMILY

Mom

Did you realize that there are four types of Moms? At least there are four types as far as wedding planning goes. See which one of these categories fits your Mom:

MOMS WHO WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME. She probably doesn't have any more time to plan than you do. Find out Mom's schedule and how much time she can realistically devote to helping you plan. You may have to rely on other friends and relatives to some degree if Mom is very busy with her job.

MOMS WHO DON'T WORK OUTSIDE OF HOME. Don't be fooled—she works for a living too, she just doesn't punch a time clock. Commitments to various projects could limit her time. Often, however, this Mom will have more holes in her schedule throughout the day and may be more flexible with her time. Be realistic with her about how much planning your wedding will take. The average wedding takes about one hundred hours to plan—that's a major commitment for any Mom.

PROCRASTINATING MOMS. Perhaps the trickiest Mom to deal with, the procrastinator puts off decisions, fails to make timely deposits with bridal merchants, and creates other minor disasters. If your mom is like this and you don't like bugging her, you may want to make any arrangements and deposits directly with the businesses. Give this Mom a detailed schedule to help her stay on track with your plans.

OVER-ACHIEVING MOMS. Occasionally we run into Moms who end up running the whole show without deferring to your (and your fiance's) desires. If you fear your Mom is like this, consider keeping up constant communication. Send magazine pictures, photos, and detailed letters at every step to make sure your tastes are accommodated. You may need to sit this Mom down for a long talk before conflicts occur. One tip: make sure that all contracts are in the bride's name and that any changes must be made with your approval, saving you from any unauthorized changes by well-meaning parents.

Friends

Are they reliable? Remember when Sue promised to style your hair for senior prom but never showed up, leaving you in the lurch (you had to call the neighbor who curled your hair in an imitation of Shirley Temple)? Before you choose a friend to be your surrogate, consider how reliable he or she has been in the past.

Do they have the time?
Planning a wedding is time-consuming. Crucial to successful planning is being honest with, them about-how much work this will involve and what-your expectations are.

ACTION PLANS

How do you help mom or your friend accomplish all the tasks you need to have done to plan your wedding? Consider developing an 'Action Plan" that specifically outlines not only the goals, but also steps and deadlines to be met to achieve these goals.

For example, our sample action plan details hiring a photographer. Having your mother or friend visit with one photographer may require travel time, actual meeting time, and follow up visits or phone calls. In other words, each prospective visit could require one to two hours of your surrogate's time. If your surrogate only has a couple of hours a week to devote to your wedding, don't expect them to visit four photographers in one week.

The secret to good goal setting is to consult extensively with the person who is actually doing the work. Nothing kills a good action plan faster than unrealistic completion dates. On the other hand, time is of the essence if you want to hire the best services. Create an action plan for every major project (the florist, the photographer, the baker, and so on.)

SAMPLE ACTION PLAN
GOAL Hire a Photographer
STRATEGY Visit three photographers from the "hot prospect list".
ACTION STEPS
* Make appointments with each prospect (the actual photographer who is available for the wedding date—not a "marketing representative")
—Target Completion Date: April 15
* Confirm with bride regarding key questions to ask photographer (package sizes, shooting schedule, etc.)
* Visit photographers A, B, and C
—Target Completion Date: April 30
* After each visit, fax or mail materials to bride
—Decision Date: May 10
* Contact photographer chosen, mail deposit check
—Completion Date: May 11
Action plans to book other merchants might include visits to other weddings to preview entertainers, see floral set-ups, etc. Taste testings with bakers and caterers should be arranged in advance, by phone.

CONFLICTS: HIDDEN AGENDAS AND REGIONAL TRADITIONS

Hidden Agendas

Most hidden agendas are benign conflicts of priorities. These occur, for example, when the surrogate planner wants you to choose a live band rather than a DJ because of their personal preference. Hence you tend to only get information on several great live bands and nothing about DJs.

Another kind of interference is blatantly instructing the vendors to change the wedding to what the surrogate planner prefers. One bride's mother didn't like the color scheme the bride picked, so she contacted the florist and tried to have the flowers changed to her tastes without the bride's knowledge. Avoid these conflicts by making sure that all the contracts detail that the bride and groom will make all final decisions. No changes can be made without your written approval.

Divorces

Weddings are often used as a battleground for divorced parents who want to "get back" at each other by using your wedding.

Regional "Traditions"

These traditions may also be a source of potential conflict with the surrogate planner. One Florida bride called us about a conflict she had with her surrogate planner (her future mother-in-law). The wedding was planned for Pennsylvania, the groom's home state. Apparently, at every wedding the surrogate planner had attended in this locale, a keyboardist played standards during the sit-down dinner. The bride, however, preferred to have a string quartet rather than "Frank Sinatra with a drum machine," as she put it. This disagreement erupted into a major argument with the mother-in-law, who claimed that this was just the way things were done there and the bride shouldn't rock the boat.

This story points up an important lesson: in every town, "experts" will tell you the wedding and reception must be done this way or else. No exceptions. In the South, nearly every reception has a groom's cake. In the East, receptions must be sit-down dinners or else you have no class. In the West, cocktail receptions with hors d'oeuvres (or a buffet) are the only civilized thing to do. In rural parts of the United States, small weddings with an equally small "cake and punch" reception held in the church hall are common. No dancing. No fancy dinner.

Sometimes brides planning a wedding in another part of the country feel like an alien who has landed on Mars. The point is: don't sweat it. Recognize that every part of this country has different ideas about throwing a party—which is what a wedding is anyway.

Listen to the local "etiquette experts." Nod your head in agreement. And then do exactly what you want to do anyway. Go ahead—have a groom's cake for your New Hampshire wedding. Go for an Italian buffet in New Orleans. This is your day, and your money—so it's your call.

WHAT IF MOM IS AT POINT A AND THE WEDDING IS AT POINT B?
What if the wedding is being planned in the city the bride lives in, and the mother is the out-of-towner? In this case, there seems to be a big emotional tug for the mother to try to help out with the wedding. A lot of the planning is going to have to be approximated by mail or by fax. For example, magazine pages of different gowns or invitation samples can be mailed back and forth.
If the mother can make a pre-wedding trip, see our next posts about on-site visits for tips on the best use of her time. If Mom can't visit the wedding location, consider having the bride and groom rent a video camera to shoot the reception site or the florist setting up a wedding. Many bands and DJs are now offering either tapes or videos of their music which could be exchanged as well.

Borrowing a photograph of the wedding cake design or a caterer s spread is another possibility. If this is an option, be sure to return these photos to the baker or caterer m a timely fashion.
In one extreme case, a mom m North Carolina was planning to go to her daughter's Ohio wedding site an entire month in advance of the wedding date to help with the plans. Not everyone can manage this (she was a teacher with the summer oft), but perhaps some moms would be able to make it in a week or two prior to the event.

We urge moms to try to be a calming influence on these visits and over the phone. Constantly boost the bride's confidence during this extremely stressful time. The goal is to try to help, not hinder the proceedings.

BRIDAL CONSULTANTS: HELPING HAND OR MONEY PIT?
Bridal "consultants" are the darlings of bridal magazines—but are they really necessary? When Modern Bride magazine published an article on "50 Ways to Stretch Your Wedding Dollars," in October 1991, we couldn't stop laughing after reading their number one tip: "hire a professional wedding planner."

Based on our research, the last thing a bridal consultant does is save you money. That's because they generally aren't free. True, there are some shrewd negotiators out there who can dicker with vendors to slightly lower your wedding bills. However, in our research, we found the extra fee for a wedding planner tends to negate any savings.

So why hire one? Consultants can be valuable in helping plan two types of weddings: exceedingly large weddings (two hundred guests or more) and long-distance events.

For the long-distance bride who cannot visit the wedding location or whose mother or friends can't spare the time, a bridal consultant may be a wise investment. The key is finding an experienced planner who will listen to your ideas and desires and follow your directions. This sounds easier than it is in reality.

Finding an experienced bridal consultant

Ask for referrals from recent brides and bridal, merchants. An established consultant will have a track record and a word-of-mouth following. A good rule of thumb is to look for a consultant who has at least fifty weddings under her belt.

Contact professional organizations for local members. The Association of Bridal Consultants (ABC) is a nationwide group. One caution: The ABC does not screen members for experience level, so you'll have to do this on your own. Another group is the Association of Certified Professional Wedding Planners. Last, but not least, check the yellow pages under Wedding Consultants.

Screening bridal consultants
Have a face-to-face meeting with the consultant if possible. Even if you can't meet in person, prepare a list of your expectations and goals for your wedding. Ask them who are their recommended vendors. How did they select these businesses? How did they evaluate the merchant's work? Why does the consultant trust them?

Ask the consultant for a list of references. Make sure these are the last three or four weddings the consultant has planned. Inexperienced planners will not be able to give you many references. See if the consultant listens to what you say. Your wedding planner should be an excellent communicator, especially since most of your contact will be via the telephone. Ask if the consultant has a fax machine for immediate communication.

The number one problem that afflicts bridal consultants is "controlitis," a strange disease in which the planner molds the wedding in her tastes, instead of the bride's. Telltale signs of this problem are usually apparent at the initial meeting. For example, one Georgia bride told us she was shocked when her consultant ignored her desire for an hors d'oeuvre reception, instead suggesting that a sit-down dinner was the only "proper" way to go. In other cases, the consultant may suggest superfluous add-ons (like a cake-knife corsage) that indicate that they're not really understanding what you want this party to be.

What do professional planners really do for you?

If you plan to hire a bridal planner, be explicit about the services you want him or her to perform. Here are examples of the levels of service available from professional bridal consultants:

REHEARSAL AND CEREMONY COORDINATION. These consultants only show up for the rehearsal and ceremony to help see you through the initial steps. Since this requires the least amount of work for the planner, the fee should be commensurate (perhaps $50
to $200)

COMPLETE WEDDING DAY COORDINATION. These consultants run the whole day, from rehearsal the night before through the end of the reception. Their job is to coordinate all the vendors at your wedding and reception, making sure they show up and perform their jobs correctly. This level of service is more expensive than just ceremony-only coordination but is often less than the full-sendee option described next. Possible fees can run $100 to $500.

FULL-SERVICE. Here, consultants do all the research for your wedding from the day you walk into their office. While the other consultants mentioned above may offer suggestions of businesses to use, the full-service coordinator basically does all the shopping for you.
In other words, she finds businesses that are right for your wedding and hires them on your behalf (hopefully with your written approval). As a result, this bridal consultant has the most control over the outcome of your wedding. She should be at the rehearsal, the ceremony, and the reception, overseeing every last detail.

Fees for "full-service" wedding planning vary widely from planner to planner. Some charge a percentage of the wedding costs (say, 10 to 15 fifteen of your wedding budget). Others work on an hourly basis (perhaps $25 to $100 per hour). Therefore, the consultant's tab for an average $15,000 wedding could run $1500 to $2500.

Many professional planners claim to be able to save the bride money when planning a wedding. The pitch is "we have negotiating power since we represent repeat business for the vendor." If the merchant expects to get future referrals, they better do a good job for the planner. While a few very good consultants may save you money, in reality, their fee negates any savings they may accomplish.

Nonetheless, consultants may be a godsend for couples who don't have time and/or can't visit the wedding location themselves. The key is to carefully screen the planner to make sure this all-powerful player in your wedding is on the right team.
Did you know that many other merchants offer free or low-cost wedding coordination services?

Here are some examples.

CHURCH COORDINATORS. These are folks (usually volunteers) who will coordinate just the rehearsal and ceremony for you. Their services are usually free and may even include pinning on corsages and boutonnières the day of the wedding.

FLORISTS. Occasionally we run across florists who are willing to hang out at the wedding to pin on corsages and boutonnières and fluff the bride's train before she heads down the aisle. Not all florists offer this and those who do may charge a fee. Be sure to ask if there is an extra fee—get it in writing !

CATERERS. Caterers, on the other hand, usually only offer to coordinate the reception. Many caterers will guide you through all the necessary events of the evening: opening the buffet (or serving the food), calling for the cake cutting, arranging with the band for the first dance, timing the toast and scheduling the bouquet and garter toss. If you are on a tight budget, caterers can be very helpful in this regard and often do the cooroonating for free. Again, get any promises in writing.

DESTINATION WEDDING PLANNERS
The country's economy may be going to hell in a handbasket, but there is one bright spot: savvy entrepreneurs who find untapped consumer demand and, against all the odds, create a business to fill it. Take the destination wedding. It may sound like fun to run away and marry on a secluded tropical beach, but how does one actually do this? In steps the destination wedding planner, a relatively recent genetic mutation from the standard wedding consultant. Combining the sawy of a travel agent and the moxie of a bridal consultant, the destination wedding planner slashes though red tape, finds the romantic ceremony sites, and puts together the whole she-bang. Of course, there are not many of these folks. In fact, we found just a handful. Here's a run-down of the best of the bunch.

HOTEL/RE SORT CONCIERGES
Another helpful surrogate planner is the concierge at a hotel or resort. What would a concierge know about weddings? A lot, as it turns out. When we visited Maui to research this book, our concierge at the Kaanapali Alii condo complex was an experienced wedding planner—they do at least a dozen weddings a year. It turns out that many resorts now offer wedding packages and have specially trained concierges or wedding planners to handle all the details.
Of course, there are a few pros and cons to going with a concierge to help plan your wedding. Here's a run-down:

Pros
LOW-COST. Many concierges offer wedding planning as a free or low-cost service—as long as you book a stay at that resort or hotel. Furthermore, there is no mark-up of the services (photographer, florist) that you might book.

HANDLING THE HASSLES. Of course, a concierge should be able to walk you through the marriage license process. He or she may have "special contacts" at the marriage license bureau to speed the process along.

Cons
WEDDING EXPERIENCE CAN VARY. Turnover of these positions at resorts may mean you get an inexperienced concierge. We'd ask how long the concierge has planned weddings at the location, as well as questions about tire marriage license process. If you get the feeling this person is too new to the job, you might as well go with a professional planner instead.

LIMITED CHOICES OF CEREMONY SITES. Typically, concierges will only help set a wedding "on-site" of the property. This is fine if the resort or hotel has a dramatic vista, gazebo, or some other amenity to hold a wedding by. However, if you want a secluded beach, the concierge may not be able to help.

Long Distance Wedding: Screening Merchants (Part II)

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Catering/Reception Sites

WILL YOU (THE CATERING MANAGER OR REPRESENTATIVE) BE PRESENT AT MY RECEPTION?
It's funny how even the best laid plans can go awry. That perfect menu you planned for months is suddenly out the window when you notice, to your shock and horror, that waiters are rolling out the wrong dish. You ordered prime rib but they're serving Chicken Cordon Bleu!
Sound far fetched? Happens more often than you think. How you prevent this from happening to you is by asking if the catering manager will be present at your reception (at least through the meal). And get it in writing. All those promises the catering manager makes to you aren't worth a dime if there is no on-site damage control in case things go awry.

Destination Wedding Planners

DO YOU HAVE AN ON-SITE COORDINATOR TO HELP WITH LAST-MINUTE PROBLEMS? '
You're in Hawaii and all ready for your wedding . . . but wait! The minister is a no-show. Or the hotel lost your reservations. What can you do now?

A good destination wedding planner will have a coordinator there on-site to help you with such last minute problems. If there's no one on-site, you'd have to call back to the States and hope to catch the planner at their office—with time differences that might be a challenge. Another plus to planners who have on-site coordinators: you're more likely to get higher-quality services.
If you are booking your destination wedding through a travel tour company, ask if they have a local office or contact to help with any problems.

SUBTLE SIGNS OF A GOOD WEDDING MERCHANT
There are several telltale signs that you are dealing with a reputable, customer-focused company. First, you'll note that your calls are returned quickly (within the next business day). Materials should also be mailed promptly—check the postmark date to see when that price list was really mailed.

Of course, another sign of professionalism is that the company mails the right materials! When you request a contract, do you merely get a marketing brochure? As far fetched as it sounds, many disorganized businesses routinely mail the wrong stuff to brides.

Finally, check out how professional the materials are. While fancy stationery does not insure you're going to get high quality products or services, it does indicate the company has invested in their image. Easy-to-read materials with clear type and professional layout are a positive sign.

THE REFERENCE GAME: GETTING THE MOST OUT OF REFERENCE CHECKING
Any reputable company should be willing to give you references of past clients. But what value are these anyway? And why should you take the time to check them?
It's true that reference-checking is somewhat time-consuming. Calling a few past customers will take a good fifteen to thirty minutes of your time (and your long-distance money).
Why should you make this investment? For the most important elements of your wedding (the photography, for example), it may be the only way to feel comfortable with spending large sums of your wedding budget. In a sense, this is a technique to lower "buyer remorse," the sinking feeling that you made the wrong decision after you sign the deal.

What about that old line that "the merchant will only give me references from happy clients. You never hear from the unhappy ones." This is true and here's how you get around this: ask the company for the names (and phone numbers) of their three most recent brides! Obviously, if they pick three customers from way back in 1989, you are getting a distorted picture. This will also reveal how busy they have been lately— a company who can't give you a client reference from last month must not be too busy. A bad sign, for sure.

Once you have the recent customer on the phone, how can truly get the best information from him or her? Will people be honest, even if they were unhappy? To understand how to deal with this situation, put yourself in the shoes of the reference. The phone is ringing at dinner time . . . it's been a long hard day . . and now there's some yahoo on the phone who you've never met, asking about that darn wedding.

The point is: be smooth. Identify yourself as a future bride and tell them you were given their name by (fill-in-the-blank company). Ask a few general questions about their wedding to break the ice.

The key to getting the feedback you want is not to ask "yes or no" questions. Don't ask "Are you happy with the pictures?" The obvious cop-out will be a quick "yes." Instead, probe gently for any areas of possible problems.
Here are some of our time-tested questions for reference checks:
"Was there anything you would have changed with the (photography, etc.)?"
"How did the merchant handle any special requests you made?"
"Were there any promises that the merchant failed to keep?" "If you had to do it over, would you hire this business again?"
Listen carefully for any hesitation in the person's voice. Ask follow-up questions if you don't understand their answers.

THE PRICE QUOTE RUN-AROUND
If we had to pick one thing that most surprised us about researching the "bridal market," it would have to be the Price Quote Run-Around. No doubt you'll encounter this phenomenon at least once along your planning journey. What is it? Basically, it's the inexplicable and incredibly stupid practice of some merchants who don't want to give out prices by phone.
Now this seems counter intuitive, to say the least. Using the warped thinking of these businesses, consumers are supposed to part with large sums of money entirely on faith. Yea, sure.

There are several possible (albeit weak) excuses for this behavior. First, we've discovered some merchants who are paranoid that their competition is spying on them. As if their pricing is some proprietary secret formula! To avoid this, try not to bring up price in your first questions. Ask them about their background and wedding experience. Then hit them with the money questions.
Perhaps the most common cause of Price Quote Run-Around is that some bridal merchants are afraid of scaring you away. If you knew their prices, then you might run off, screaming. Hence, their goal is to try to get you into their office/studio for an "in-person" sales consultation. In this controlled environment, they can dazzle you with their wares, temporarily numbing your brain. At that point, they whip out the price list. If you don't sign immediately, a little emotional arm-
twisting might be employed: "Oh, now you want the very best for your wedding day, don't you? You only get married once! This is your special day!"

The sales technique is to wear you down. And it is generally effective. Except if you are planning long distance. This tends to throw a wrench in the well-oiled sales machinery . . . "you mean, you want prices over the phone? Geez, I don't know if can give you a quote for your wedding over the phone.''''

Perhaps the biggest lie is "we can't give you a price since we customize all our weddings." Give us a break—nearly all businesses have price lists (even though they may not be for public consumption). An exception may be florists, but even these guys can give ball-park figures for certain items (bride's bouquet, altar arrangement, etc.). By specifying a few flowers you are looking for, you can often get some figures to give you an idea of how much money you'll be parting with.

The best strategy: tell them from the start that you are calling (and planning) long-distance. You want to give them your business, but you need to know some pricing information first. If they say they must meet you in person, tell them you'll be glad to—if they pay the airfare to fly you in. That'll give them the hint.

Beware of "low-ball" price quotes. Here a business uses an enticingly low price to bait you in, like a $499 package for a wedding video. Then, you notice in the fme print that lots of littie extras cost lots of big extra bucks. In one case, we heard about a video company that advertised the above price. But, wouldn't you know it, litde things like microphones to capture the ceremony audio were an extra $50. Each. And, the videographer suggests lots of microphones for the best sound. Requesting materials in writing to lay out details like these is a way around this rip-off.
The bottom line is: use a little of that consumer assertiveness. The best cure for the Price Quote Run-Around is to take the wedding merchant by the nose and tell them what you want. Remember, you're paying them that hard-earned money—not the other way around.

USING THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU
Most cities and town have a Better Business Bureau, a free service that's professed goal is to help foster happy consumers (and better businesses, as the name implies).
In screening businesses, you can call the local BBB to see if they have any complaints on file. This way can spot merchants who have a bad track record before you plunk down your deposit.
Sounds simple. So, what's the catch, you say? Well, the catch is that the BBB is funded by merchants and subsequendy bends over backwards to make sure it gives businesses a "fair shot" at fixing their record. To understand how this can protect bad merchants, let's look at the complaint process.

If you believe you've been duped by a company, you write the BBB and file a complaint. The bureau forwards this complaint to the merchant and gives them ten days to respond. What happens next is most interesting.

Most of the time, the merchant will respond and attempt to defend themselves. If the merchant offers just about any excuse, the BBB will usually decide on behalf of—guess who—the merchant. As a result, if you call the BBB and ask about that merchant, you'll hear that there are no unresolved complaints in the merchant's file. There may have been twenty-seven com- plaints in the past year, but if the company offers any lame excuse, they can have a clean record. As a result, it is fairly rare to find any merchant who has a "bad record" at the BBB. They certainly have to be very stupid—ignoring the bureau's letters and so on. This probably explains why we discovered several disreputable bridal merchants who have absolutely clean BBB files.
Furthermore, there is another loophole that merchants can drive a truck through at the BBB. Even if the merchant has a complaint, they can join the BBB and have their record sponged clean! Typically, the report you will get on this company says they have been a member since (a certain date—as in last Tuesday) and since that time, there have been no com- plaints. Never mind that there could have been several nasty problems before this. Since the BBB exists on merchant-funded membership fees, you can see the conflict here.

Does this mean the BBB is worthless? Of course not. We do recommend checking out each wedding merchant's track record with the BBB. Any unresolved complaints are obvious red flags. However, a "clean" bill of health does not mean your screening job is over.

Long Distance Wedding: Screening Merchants (Part I)

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Okay, admittedly, that last post was the easy stuff. Sure, coming up with a list of "hot prospects" takes some legwork, a little homework, and perhaps some time at the local library. But this is where the rubber really meets the road—when you screen through your list to find the "right" site, photographer, caterer, and so on for your wedding.

But how do you do this long distance? Well, we believe it can be done, with some careful screening. By asking the right questions, you can often separate the cream from the rest of the crop.

At this point, we are going to assume that you are in one of two categories—those couples who are:

ABLE TO VISIT YOUR WEDDING LOCATION AT LEAST ONCE. Hence you will use this post to screen your list of prospects. This will narrow down your choices to one to three merchants per category that you later personally visit
STUCK AT "HOME BASE." Without being able to visit your wedding location, you have two choices: choosing merchants by phone or using a "surrogate" planner to do the on-site visits for you.

Either way you must narrow down that list of "hot prospects" to a final list of "real possibilities."

Here's how you do it:

PHONE SCREENING: ASKING THE TOUGH QUESTIONS
The phone is certainly an imperfect machine. While you can hear the voice of that photographer, you can't see the facial expressions when he rolls his eyes at the mention of your ceremony site. Sometimes you can't even speak to the owner and are sidetracked by a pesky "gatekeeper" disguised as a "marketing representative" or merely a receptionist instructed to intercept all calls.

As a long-distance bride and groom, you have no choice but to use the phone. Despite the drawbacks, phone screening can still provide clues as to whether this merchant is worthy of your business. Here are our steps to screening merchants by phone:

The First Call

IMMEDIATELY TELL THEM YOU'RE PLANNING A LONG-DISTANCE OR DESTINATION WEDDING. This way you probably won't be put on hold. It also signals the merchant that you can't just "drop in" for more information.

TELL THEM HOW YOU HEARD ABOUT THEM. Doing this puts the merchant at ease. If they know you were referred by a past client, this provides a common frame of reference. If you saw a big promotion or ad they did, this makes them happy that their marketing dollars are working.
Either way, they'll hopefully drop their guard and give you the information you need.

ASK IF THEY HAVE YOUR WEDDING DATE OPEN. Don't waste lots of time (and money) finding out all about a merchant who may already be booked for your date. While some businesses can only do one wedding a weekend (photographers, for example),. others can do multiple events (florists and bakeries). As a side note, don't get discouraged if a few merchants are already booked—just move along to the other names on the list.

REQUEST THEY MAIL A PRICE LIST, BROCHURES, CONTRACT and any other promotional materials. Most professional business- es will have these materials on hand. Tell them to send it as soon as possible. If you have a fax, have them fax it to you (and mail a hard copy), Unfortunately, getting prices is not as easy as it sounds (see the "price quote run-around" section later in this post.)

ASK TO SPEAK TO THE OWNER or manager if you get the run-around. Sometimes you don't get tire top banana when you first call and may be "screened" by a well-meaning assis- tant. However, if they balk at sending you information or are difficult to deal with, just go to the top.

Second Call

CLARIFY ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PRICE LIST OR CONTRACT. Most agree-ments and price lists have at least one or two ambiguous points. What type of album comes with that photo package? Is there a delivery or set-up fee? Asking point-blank if there are any other fees that are not listed is a good way to ferret out any hidden charges.

ASK SOME OF OUR KILLER SCREENING QUESTIONS. Below is our list of "Killer Screening Questions," so named because we believe they cut through the clutter.

GIVE THEM AN IDEA OF YOUR BUDGET AND GAUGE THEIR REACTION. Listen carefully! There may be silence if your budget is below their "standard fees." Other times, the merchant can't restrain their enthusiasm. If they say they don't have anything for that price, ask them if they can design a "custom package" for your wedding. This is a subtle way of saying "work with me and I'll give you my business."

IF YOU PLAN TO VISIT THE WEDDING LOCATION, INFORM THEM OF YOUR IMPENDING VISIT and ask if you can set up an appointment. Read later on on-site visits for tips on the timing of appointments.

ASK IF THEY WILL HOLD YOUR DATE UNTIL YOU SEE THEM (or make a decision to hire them by phone). Suggest they call you if some other bride is interested in the date—this is a common courtesy professionals will extend to potential clients.

WHAT IS THE SMALLEST DEPOSIT I CAN PUT DOWN? Most merchants will only hold a date if you give them a deposit. This may be only $25 or as much as several hundred dollars. Our best advice: always pay by credit card. This will enable you to get a possible refund (or credit on your bill) if the merchant disappears or fails to deliver what is promised.

ASK FOR A FEW REFERENCES FROM RECENT BRIDES. Get the phone numbers of recent past customers. Later in this post we will tell you how to check these references.

IF THINGS ARE GOING WELL, ASK FOR SOME REFERRALS of other wedding professionals. This enables you to get some of those "domino referrals" mentioned in the previous post.

KILLER QUESTIONS
If you read our book Bridal Bargains or any bridal magazine, you are probably familiar with the many questions to ask various merchants. In most cases, we assume you are going to ask many of those questions in a lengthy face-to-face meeting. When you plan long distance, however, your first "meeting" with the business will be over the phone. In order to save you money on long-distance phone bills, here are some of our "killer questions" to cut to the chase, so to speak. By honing in on these questions, you'll be able to weed out the inappropriate merchants.

Photographer/ Video

WHICH PHOTOGRAPHER OR VIDEOGRAPHER IS AVAILABLE FOR MY DATE?
CAN I HAVE THAT NAME IN WRITING IN THE CONTRACT?
The biggest scam with photography studios are those that promise expert photography and then only deliver amateur prints. How. is this done? After baiting you into a contract with the studio, your wedding is assigned to a "stringer" or no-name associate who just graduated from photography school last week. -The resulting pictures are, to say the least, a major disappointment.

Protect yourself by asking the above question at the outset. If the photographer refuses to identify who is available for your wedding date, move along to the next studio. If he or she says they are available for your wedding, getting that commitment in writing will be crucial.

Florist

DO YOU MERELY DROP OFF THE FLOWERS OR WILL YOU STAY UNTIL THE START OF THE CEREMONY?
This question gauges the extent of service that the florist offers. What does it mean for you if the florist just "drops off" the flowers? Well, what if your cousin decides he wants a boutonnière, leaving a groomsman flower-less? What if the altar flowers aren't what you ordered? If the florist just drops off the flowers, then your ability to fix problems is limited.

An indication of their commitment to weddings is whether they stay until the start of the ceremony. We often find that florists who offer this "full-service" also just happen to offer the best wedding flowers overall. Not only do they pin on corsages and boutonnières, but they also do last minute fixes—making sure everything is as desired. Florists who just drop off flowers may be stretching themselves too thin, rushing to do too many weddings on a Saturday.

Does it cost extra for this "full service"? Surprisingly, many florists who do stay until the ceremony starts don't charge any more than the "dropoff" guys. Even if they do charge an extra fee ($25 to $50), it may be well worth the additional cost.

Cakes

ARE YOUR CAKES BAKED FROM SCRATCH OR A MIX?
You might be surprised to learn that many commercial bakeries use "shortcuts" for their wedding cakes. The most notice- able shortcut is making the cake from a mix. Instead of using fresh ingredients, bakeries just add water and eggs to pre-made mixes—the results are cakes that lack texture and flavor. We've always been shocked at how many big, "famous" bakeries who use mixes. Obviously, mixes enable a bakery to do big volume, cranking out a dozen or more cakes a week.

HOW SOON BEFORE THE WEDDING ARE CAKES BAKED?
Are they frozen? Another shortcut bakers may use is to bake a large number of cakes several weeks in advance of the delivery date. Then, the cakes are frozen until a few days before the event, when they are thawed and decorated. As you can imagine, any cake that is frozen almost always loses moisture in the transition. Once again, bakeries who do this are trying to build volume. Even if the cakes are from scratch, freezing can destroy that advantage. We recommend you choose a bakery that bakes its cakes from scratch a day or two before the event.

Entertainers

IF YOU HAVE A DEMO TAPE, WAS IT RECORDED LIVE OR IN THE STUDIO?
The latest scam making the rounds in the wedding music world is what we call the "Milli Vanilli" demo tape. Just like the infamous duo that faked their album, these wedding entertainers are faking their demo tapes! A Boston musician tipped us off to this scam, charging that several area bands were using different "studio" musicians (not actual band members) to record fantastic soundtracks for those audio and video demo tapes.

Even if the actual band is playing the music, audio tapes can be altered with studio wizardry. Reverb can be added to give a sax solo more presence and machines can actually improve the background harmonies. The bottom line about all these tricks: see the band live to see if they are really worth their asking price. If you can't see them during one of your on-site visits, have a surrogate planner attend a reception or party where they are playing.

DO YOU HAVE DIFFERENT BAND MEMBERS OR DJ CREWS THAT PLAY RECEPTIONS?
WHO'S AVAILABLE TO DO MY WEDDING?
Some dishonest band leaders or agents use "pickup" bands to dupe consumers. By putting together bands together at the last moment (picking up a drummer here, a keyboardist there), they are able play more events. The problem: unrehearsed musicians thrown together at the last moment tend to sound a step or two below your neighborhood teenage garage band. Asking who will be playing your wedding (and getting background experience information on those players) will prevent problems. The most honest band leaders will put in writing the musicians who will be at your wedding.

Similarly, disc jockeys run a version of this rip-off by using several "crews" to do multiple receptions. If you are the unlucky bride and groom, you might get a second-string DJ who is just learning the ropes. As with any entertainer, confirm who will be the actual DJ at your reception. Seeing potential DJs play before booking is prudent, since the quality may vary greatly from one crew to another. Sometimes the DJ equipment may vary, too: the company has a good system they send out to some, weddings, while other clients get the "back-up" system—which sounds like a back-up system.

Long Distance Wedding: Tracking Down the Best Bridal Prospects (Part III)

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Pseudo-wedding planners
This is an interesting category—a hybrid of magazines and wedding planners. Resembling a large paperback book, these fill-in-the-blank planners have spaces to record guest lists, wedding arrangements and so on. Interspersed in the checklists are ads for local bridal merchants. The biggest player in this market is the "Wedding Pages," which has planners for over 80 different cities. To order, call 1-800-843-4983. The Wedding Pages is free but there is a catch: your name goes on a mailing list to merchants in your wedding location. Soon, your mailbox may be filled with unsolicited pitches for bridal shops, photographers, and the like.

"DOMINO REFERRALS."
BEST FOR: Everything, especially photographers and caterers or reception sites. Who makes the best-tasting wedding cakes? Why not ask someone who attends hundreds of weddings and tastes just as many cakes?

Who is this person, you ask? How about a wedding photographer! That's right, most wedding photographers sneak a taste at receptions. Any photographer who's been around the block should be able to give you at least two to three names of good bakers whose cakes taste as good as they look.

What about a good florist? Asking ceremony site coordinators or caterers will probably turn up a few good prospects. That's because they've seen the florist's work up close and personal. They know who's been late and who's been on time.

You get the picture. "Domino referrals" involve networking with wedding professionals to find other prospects. One couple we spoke to in Los Angeles was planning a wedding in Rhode Island and used this method to find nearly everyone they needed. A band leader recommended several wonderful reception sites, a photographer turned them on to a great videographer, and so on.
The drawbacks to domino referrals: As you can imagine, this method does have a few problems. First, you must find one good merchant to start with. Then, you can use "domino referrals" to help find others.

Political infighting in the wedding business is intense. Competitors jostle for position by aligning themselves with cliques of other merchants—hence you may only get referrals of a certain "type" of business. High-end photographers may only direct you to the most expensive cake baker in town, for example. To avoid this, tell them exactly what you are looking for in terms of quality and price range.

Finally, the major pitfall of domino referrals is the kickback problem. In the Northeast and in some parts of California, catering managers at reception sites receive kickbacks for referring couples to local merchants. For example, one harpist in the San Francisco Bay Area told us that a popular reception site charged musicians a $500 fee to be included on their "recommended list." Of course, this list didn't dis-close to brides that the recom-mended bands and DJs had really paid for the privilege of being on the list. The kickback problem also occasionally crops up with wed-ding planners and some bridal shops. Some unscrupulous mer-chants collect thousands of dollars in "finder's" fees. Wedding busi nesses who are willing to pay these commissions are probably desper ate for work-—not a good sign. If you suspect something's up, ask the merchant if they are receiving a "commission" for every bride they refer.

Nonetheless, we find that the "domino referral" method can result in some very high quality leads. But who do you ask to refer whom? Here's a table with some suggestions:

Ask this merchant	To refer you to these businesses!
Photographers	Videographers, bakers, bands,
	DJs, reception sites, caterers
Videographers	Photographers, reception sites,
	caterers, Bands/DJ's
Caterers	Florists, bakers, bands,
	DJs, reception sites
Bridal Shops	Photographers, invitation stores
Bands/DJs	Reception sites, bakers, caterers
Bakeries	Florists, reception sites
Florists	Bakeries, reception sites

Bridal Shows.

BEST FOR: A few creative ideas, but not much else. Bridal shows and fairs are an interesting experience, but unfortunately, not very helpful for long-distance brides.

What is a bridal show? For the uninitiated, these events are essentially a combination trade fair and fashion show. Bridal merchants set up booths and hawk their wares—from photography to catering, flowers to cakes. A fashion show with the latest gowns is usually the bait the promoters use to get brides into the trade fair.

Typically held on a Sunday afternoon, these shows can range from a small gathering at a local hotel to a massive event that rivals a political convention in size and scope. In fact, in Houston, a local bridal show sets up in the city's huge convention center and draws 15,000 attendants. The aisles at that show were mobbed and made the event something more to be endured than enjoyed.

When are bridal shows held? Most are in January (which just coincidentally corresponds to the peak engagement times of Christmas and Valentine's Day). A few bridal fairs are held in the late summer and early fall.

How can I find out about shows? Shows are typically advertised in local newspapers—check your Sunday paper near the wedding announcements. One national company that does shows in several major cities is the Bridal Expo. Call 1-800-544-3970 for their latest schedule.
Should I attend a show in the wedding location? Or at my : home base? That's a tricky question. First, if you happen to be visiting the wedding location when a show is going on, you may be tempted to go. However, your precious time may be more productively spent checking out reception sites, photographers, and other merchants. Using the above sources may yield higher-quality leads than the merchants you'd meet at bridal shows (see pluses and minuses of bridal shows listed below).

Of course, if you're in town on a Sunday and have nothing else to do, attending a show can't hurt. If you are at your "home base," attending a show is more for gathering ideas than for identifying specific merchants.

PLUSES AND MINUSES OF ATTENDING A BRIDAL SHOW
The Upside: \

ONE-STOP SHOPPING LETS YOU SEE MANY MERCHANTS IN A SHORT TIME. Instead of wasting your time driving all over town only to find merchants who don't fit your needs, a show enables you to do a quick "screen" of what's out there.
FASHION SHOWS ARE FUN. Frankly, this is why many brides and grooms go to these shows anyway, to see those fancy $5000 gowns. Seeing what those dresses look like live and in person provides good entertainment.

The Downside:

CROWDS! Unfortunately, most bridal shows are mobbed.
A FANCY BOOTH DOES NOT GUARANTEE A COMPETENT BUSINESS. Merchants spend hundreds, if not thousands of dollars to make their booth stand-out. Unfortunately, this effort does not always extend to making their customers satisfied. For example, at one show, we met a photographer who we thought was very professional—smartly dressed, pretty booth, attractive photo display albums. Then we visited her studio a cluttered mess in a low-rent part of town. The lesson? Always go to visit the merchant after the show at their shop, office, or studio to find out if they are really worth the asking price. Never book a merchant during a bridal show.
SHOWS TEND TO ATTRACT LOW-QUALITY OR UNTESTED MERCHANTS. If you're looking for the best wedding merchants in town, a bridal show isn't always where to find them. That's because the best tend to work by word-of-mouth. So who's at these shows? Often, it's young companies trying to establish a reputation. While this is OK, you don't want someone learning the ropes at your wedding. Also in attendance may be "low-quality" merchants who are desperate for work.
DISCOUNTERS AREN'T INVITED. Looking for a shop that discounts gowns? A deal on invitations? Don't expect to find them at most bridal shows, since most show promoters ban these companies to appease full-price competitors. For example, we found most bridal shows have banned Discount Bridal Service from exhibiting for the sole reason that they offer discounts to brides! Full-price shops would rather resort to these dirty tricks than to compete with the discounters head-to-head.

TIPS FOR ATTENDING BRIDAL SHOWS AND FAIRS

WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES. Convention centers often have concrete floors—murder on feet if you're in heels. Sneakers are the best bet.
TAKE A CAMERA AND SNAP PICTURES of interesting stuff like floral arrangements and wedding cakes. If you have a small video camera, bring this too.
THE DOOR PRIZE TRAP. Be aware that when a merchant asks you to sign up for a door prize that you are also signing up for a mailing list. If you want to protect your privacy, pass by that chance at winning fifty pink, personalized napkins.
PRESS FOR PRICES. Some businesses will pass out price lists, others are more coy. These companies (which just so happen to be more expensive) feel they may scare you off if they tell you what they really cost. Instead, they want to lure you into their studio, office, or shop for a one-on-one sales presentation. Before you set up any appointment, get the company to be specific on prices. Don't let them get away with stuff like "our prices start at $1000." What does that buy you? Tell them you're planning a longdistance wedding and don't have any time for such games.

REFERRAL SERVICES SPRING UP ACROSS COUNTRY .
In the past few years, several "referral" services have sprung up for brides. Some are legitimate, while others are thinly veiled scams. How can you tell the difference?

Here's an example of a good referral service:
The Wedding Library in Orange, GA TJI (714/997-1579) is a free service to brides. Merchants pay a fee to be listed, but the referral company owner told us they check references and screen out the less reputable firms. On the other hand is a DJ company in Dallas that claims to be a "referral company." Instead of providing brides with the names of reputable companies, the DJ comes to your home for a heavy-sales pressure pitch to let them do your entire wedding—they contract with a cake baker, photographer, and so on. Another twist on this scam are advertising publications that offer "free referral" phone lines. When you call, you get "referred" to companies that just so happen to be their advertisers. Is there any screening of merchants or checking of references? Probably not.

What's the lesson? Check out the "referral" company by asking a few questions. Key among these is how they get paid and how they screen any businesses. So what's the best source for merchants to help you plan your long-distance wedding? We believe the highest-quality leads come from "domino referrals" by recently married couples or other wedding professionals. The yellow pages can help you if you get stuck and tourism or visitor's bureaus can lead you to an off-the-beaten-path reception site.

Less helpful but somewhat useful are wedding ad publications and books. Local newspapers can clue you into sales and special bridal editions provide a good overview of who's hot. Finally, bridal shows and fairs can expose you to a wide variety of merchants (and ideas) in one afternoon.
The goal here is to come up with two to three top candidates for each bridal category: ceremony/reception site, caterer, florist, photographer, band, DJ, videographer, and more. But what do you do after you have that list?

Long Distance Wedding: Tracking Down the Best Bridal Prospects (Part II)

2009-06-29T13:09:00.000-07:00

Where Do I Look?
Now that you have a copy of the yellow pages (or have located a Phonefiche), where do you begin? First, let us start by saying that each directory publisher has their own idea of indexing. As a result, in one phone book, you can find tuxedo rental places under "Tuxedos" while another lists them under "Formalwear Rentals-Men."

Here's a tip: look at the index in the back. Most topics are referenced and this will save you much time. There are three general sections you want to find:

WEDDINGS SUPPLIES AND SERVICES: Perhaps the most important category to locate, this section will be a potpourri of different merchants who are targeting the bridal market. You'll find florists, photographers, entertainers, bridal shops, and more. While there are many bakeries in most cities, the bakeries listed here will be more apt to specialize in wedding cakes, for example. Nearby this section could be another category, "Wedding Arrangement Services," a big catch-all for some all-in-one companies and wedding planners (although these businesses may also be under "Wedding Consultants.") In one yellow pages, we found more useful leads under "wedding arrangements" than the "wedding supplies and services" heading. Nonetheless, copy all of these sections.
BRIDAL SHOPS. You'll note that we recommend you buy your bridal gown in your hometown and not in the wedding location. So why should you copy this section? That's because bridal shops are great sources for other service referrals. Later, we'll talk about how your surrogate planner can canvas these stores for business cards and local advertising publications. Also, bridal shops tend to sponsor (dominate is anodier word that comes to mind) local bridal fairs, as we'll explore later.
PHOTOGRAPHERS-PORTRAIT. Directories tend to divide photographers into two categories: commercial and portrait. Wedding photographers tend to be classified into die latter section.
OTHER STUFF. While you're more likely to find merchants who specialize in weddings listed in "Weddings Supplies and Services," other sections may have bigger ads (and more information) about some of the same companies. Key categories may include "Bakers-Retail," "Caterers," "Florists," "Entertainers" (or "Disc Jockeys" or "Orchestras & Bands"), and "Video Production Services." (Category headings will vary, of course.)

How Do I Narrow This Down?
The number of listings in the Yellow Pages can be daunting. For example, in the Dallas, Texas, directory under "Photographers-Portrait," there are a whopping 253 listings! How do you narrow this down?

KEY ON "WEDDING SPECIALISTS." For example, with photographers, note how many studios list weddings first in their ad. Some list "families" and "children" before weddings—wonder what their priority is?
Remember this isn't the "end all." You're going to use the yellow pages as a cross-reference—for example, to find an address or more info about a company you find through another of our sources. Don't get discouraged by the large number of prospects—we'll narrow them down shortly.

6 TRUTHS ABOUT THE YELLOW PAGES
WHERE'S THE ADDRESS? You'll notice that some listings omit address information, giving just a phone number. Typically this flags an "out-of-home" company. Is this bad? Not necessarily. Some very talented merchants work from home. In some cases, however, it may be illegal—bakers and caterers are forbidden to operate out of their homes by some municipalities.

A BIG AD DOES NOT MEAN "HIGH QUALITY." It probably means "high volume." That's because those large ads are very expensive. To pay off those ad bills, the business may have to do big volume.

EVERY BUSINESS THAT HAS A BUSINESS PHONE TYPICALLY GETS A FREE LISTING IN THE YELLOW PAGES. You'll notice that some companies just have a plain vanilla listing— no ad or even bold print. That's because it's free. Some businesses put their money into other marketing outlets while others don't advertise at all and work by word-of-mouth referrals.

INFORMATION CAN BE OUT-OF-DATE. Yellow pages typically stay "on the market" for a year. In that time, listings can become out of date. Businesses disappear, locations change and more. Always call ahead to verify information before making a trip.

THE PERSONAL "NAME." Look for companies that list the owner's name in the business name. Why? Because the best services exist on the owner's personal reputation. When we encounter a "generic name" business we wonder what they're hiding? Inexperience? A faceless corporation? For example, "McCoy's Photography" or "Wedding Cakes by Carol" are better prospects than "City Photographers" or "The Wedding Cake Bakery."

AD CLAIMS ARE NOT CLOSELY MONITORED FOR TRUTHFULNESS. As you might have guessed, claims made in directory advertising are rarely verified by the publisher. "Free estimates" may really mean "free if you spend $1000." "Wedding Experts" may turn out to be "brand new in the business."

Local Newspapers.

BEST FOR: trendy and top quality bridal stores and services. The newspaper in your wedding location may be a surprising source for merchant leads. Here are three examples:

Special Wedding Sections
Mainly filled with ads (and sometimes with mind-numbing "advertorial" stories), these sections usually appear in January or early spring. If the section is not purely ads, note who the editors and reporters talk to as sources—these businesses are probably considered at the top of their field. Be aware that fashion editors typically stress exclusive (read: expensive) bridal shops and services.

How do you get your hands on one of these? It may be as simple as calling the newspaper—try the advertising department, since they typically keep extra copies as sales tools. If that fails, call the editorial department and speak to the feature section. If they won't send you a copy, ask for the issue date and have a friend hunt it down in the local library (or see if your library carries that paper).

Sunday Bridal Advertising
For some reason, bridal businesses tend to advertise on Sundays. Some papers even have boxed "wedding directories" with local ads—these usually appear in the feature or lifestyle section. Most of the ads appear after Christmas and run into the spring; this is the prime "wedding planning season."

Wedding Announcements
Want a sneaky way to find the best bands for receptions? Check out the wedding announcements of other brides and grooms. Typically running on Sundays, some of these announcements are quite lengthy, listing the bride, groom, families, what the bride wore and (you guessed it) which musician(s) played at the ceremony and reception! Since these lengthy descriptions . (which are actually paid ads) are often taken out by society-type families, the bands may be pricey, but what the heck. At least you know who is considered "hot." Note: here's a way to find the names of some of the photographers who do those "high society" weddings. Some of these announcements have large pictures of the bride. If you look in the corner, the photographer may have signed his or her name.

FRIENDS AND RELATIVES.

BEST FOR: just about everything, but screen the referrals carefully. If you have any friends or relatives at the wedding location, ask them if they have any suggestions. Okay, we realize that your grandmother may not know who the hot wedding photographers are in town, but she may have a friend whose granddaughter got married recently. Investing time in tracking down these leads may pay off big time down the line.

One limitation of this approach is, of course, the "clashing tastes" problem. While you might have found a recent bride who can give you referrals, her wedding may have been substantially different than yours will be. Hence, some of her choices may not fit your needs. If you don't know the person real well, ask a couple of innocuous questions:

Was your wedding large? While you don't need an exact guest count, this clues you into whether the event was similar in size and scope to what you are planning.

Where did you hold it? Whether a posh hotel or simple park site, this will give you the idea what type of price range the other bride shopped in.

Obviously, you need to do this not to be snobby, but to tell if the types of services you are looking for are similar to the ones the friend or relative used. A florist referral who did small bouquets for a garden wedding may not be able handle a large hotel wedding with elaborate table centerpieces.

NATIONAL BRIDAL MAGAZINES
As consumer advocates, we're not big fans of the national bridal magazines. The advice is often so out-of-touch, it's quite sad. During the height of the last recession, the magazines ran pictorials featuring gowns that averaged $2000 in price! Most of the articles are slanted toward weddings in the northeast, heavily recommending sit-down dinners, for example. According to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, the magazines (including industry leader Bride's) also admitted to blocking ads from discounters and gown renters. While these rags do take ads from men's tux rental firms, women looking for rentals are out of luck!

So why have we even mentioned them here? Despite their flaws, most of the magazines do have regional advertising sections, with ads from "local merchants." Most brides are unaware that the magazines have several regional editions. If you're in California, you get the "western edition" with a special ad section from local merchants. You'll note many of the gown ads list stores in that part of the country. According to our research, the biggest regional sections are in the Northeast versions, followed by the West. The South and Midwest regional ad sections are much smaller.

Of course, getting the "northeast edition" of a bridal magazine isn't easy if you live in say, Florida. You may have to have a friend send you a copy via the mail or pick one up when you visit the wedding location.

How can you use the magazines without lining their coffers? Visit your local library—most carry a bridal magazine or two. That way you can glean the information you need without giving your money to these publishers.

LOCAL BRIDAL BOOKS AND MAGAZINES
This category hits close to home—that's how we got into this crazy wedding business to begin with. We wrote a series of regional wedding guides to cities in Texas, Colorado, and California.
Now there are dozens of local bridal publications out there to help you plan your wedding. Here's an overview of what is available:

Books
At last count, we found about fifteen paperback books that are local "wedding guides." Most offer information about local bridal merchants and wedding sites. Some are true consumer guides (with no advertising) while others are filled with glossy ads. Beware of those books that are disguised as unbiased editorial, but are really paid-for ads by the merchants. For example, we found one bridal guide for Portland, Oregon that said it contained "factual and descriptive information on area (bridal) businesses." What the publisher forgot to say was that not only did each business pay up to $1000 per page to be in the book, but the merchants also wrote their own copy. Hence, most of the information turns out to be puff pieces about how great every merchant is.

Nevertheless, if you take these books with a grain of salt, they may be helpful in identifying a few potential sources. Most books are for major cities—if you're planning for a smaller metro area, you may be out of luck. How can you find them? Most books are available from local bookstores or from bridal shops. For a listing of the most current regional books, seek out "Books in Print" at your local library. Look under "Weddings" in the subject guide for a complete list. You may be able to find the publisher's phone number to order a book by phone.

Magazines
In the past few years, a whole crop of local bridal magazines has sprung up like weeds. Usually found in big metro areas, these glossy magazines are filled with ads from local bridal merchants. New England Bride is a prime example in the Northeast. Unlike books, most of these magazines have no pretense about providing consumer information—they are simply a vehicle for merchants to flout their wares. Most articles provide generic etiquette advice or vapid observations about the local wedding scene. On the upside, local bridal magazines at least provide a starting place to find good merchants.

Some articles are "advertorials" for merchants— ads disguised as editorial articles. For example, one recent issue of a regional bridal magazine touted the advantages of shopping for a band or DJ via videotape. Surprisingly, next to the article was an ad for a music agency whose major selling point is a large library of videos of local bands!

Regional bridal magazines are a little tricky to find. Try local bridal shops or perhaps a newsstand with a large collection of regional periodicals.

Long Distance Wedding: Tracking Down the Best Bridal Prospects (Part I)

2009-06-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

Perhaps the greatest anxiety in planning a long-distance or destination wedding is finding all the stores and services you need. If you are hundreds (if not thousands) of miles away, how can you find a good ceremony or reception site, photographer, caterer, florist, band, or DJ? What about the wedding cake— which bakery bakes the best? For destination weddings, which resort offers the best package and location to tie the knot? How can you find a good photographer in another country?

Now, if you actually lived in the place where the wedding would be, how would you find these guys? Well, you probably would have attended a few weddings or at least have a friend or two that could give a referral. Perhaps a colleague at the office could recommend a great caterer. Maybe a local bridal fair would provide more leads. Since you have the luxury of living right there, you could spend time visiting many prospects. Even if such leads turned out to be duds, you could chalk up the time spent as a learning experience.

For a long-distance wedding, you must shop smarter—you probably won't have lots of extra time to visit merchants who don't fit your needs. This planning process needs to be executed with exact precision: you need to quickly identify the right services for your wedding and book them as soon as possible.

For destination weddings, there is an even even greater challenge: planning an entire wedding (and perhaps reception) without meeting one of the service providers. The entire proceedings must be planned on faith. As a result, if you want to plan a wedding in Hawaii or some other destination location, we strongly advise you consider the services of a professional wedding travel planner. Also, the last section of this book lists several popular destinations with costs and other helpful information.

On the other hand, long-distance brides can go one of two paths: you can turn the planning over to a bridal consultant or you can plan it yourself with the help of friends and family. The rest of this series focuses on how you can plan a long-distance wedding on your own.

The first step in the "do-it-yourself" planning process is coming up with a list of sources. The goal is to develop a list of the highest-quality services that offer prices within your budget. Specifically, this post focuses on finding a ceremony and/or reception site, photographer, videographer, entertainer(s) for the ceremony and reception, florist, caterer, and cake baker.

Why this process can be challenging:
The "wedding industry" is fragmented into many small mom-and-pop stores and services. If they advertise at all, it may be a small ad in the Yellow Pages or a wedding-related publication. Referrals from past customers are a prime source of new business. Many of the best photographers, for example, exist on word-of-mouth only. Small marketing budgets lead many quality companies to do bridal fairs and other promotional events.

What this Means For You:
As a result, you must know where to look to find the best services. Here are our best sources:

TOP SOURCES
Local Organizations

BEST FOR: Ceremony and Reception Sites. Without being there, how can you find the best places for reception sites? If you are not getting married in a church, what other ceremony sites are available?

VISITOR'S AND TOURISM BUREAUS may have lists of facilities available for weddings. In one city, we found a visitor's bureau that had a $2 list of fifty sites— complete with capacities and rental fees! Caution: these lists are also for businesses looking for meeting places. While some sites may make for great meetings, they may not have the appropriate ambience for weddings. Be sure to ask whether the sites paid to be part of the listing. To see if your wedding location has a visitor's or tourism bureau, look at the "government" listings in the telephone book. Or call city hall.

HISTORICAL SOCIETIES can help you in a couple of ways. First of all, many of these nonprofit organizations operate sites as a fund raiser. Some are spectacular restored mansions in prime locations. These groups may also have lists of other historical buildings available for receptions. Caution: while these sites are beautiful, they may also be quite pricey. And quite busy—many may be booked up several months in advance. Most societies are listed in the white pages in the phone book.

PARKS & RECREATION DEPARTMENTS: For listings of city-owned park facilities, contact city or county Parks and Recreation Departments. Many have brochures that list the various sites, rental fees, capacities and more. Since most cities and towns have several park sites, ask them what are the top three sites in terms of popularity for weddings or receptions. This may narrow down the list. Caution: the quality can range widely here. Be sure you inquire about "climate control": some sites may not have air conditioning or heating. Popular spots will probably be very affordable but also in high demand (book as soon as possible).

CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE MAY BE ABLE TO PROVIDE REFERRALS FOR LOCAL WEDDING MERCHANTS. Our experience shows the quality of chambers varies widely from town to town. Some may have directories of local merchants available for a low cost; others may know nothing. Caution: treat any advertising-sponsored publication with a healthy dose of skepticism. Sometimes, these publications are PR puff pieces that provide little real information—-just a starting point for more investigation.

YELLOW PAGES

BEST FOR: Just about everything. Without a doubt, the yellow pages directory for your wedding location will be a valuable resource. This comprehensive source will give you a broad overview of what's out there. You've probably already realized this, but did you know that the complete yellow pages for nearly every city in the United States are as close as- your public library? Once you've got your hands on one, what are the tricks to using it effectively?

Types of Yellow Pages
Believe it or not, the words "yellow pages" are. not copyrighted. Anyone can put together a directory of businesses and call it a "yellow pages." The best (and most complete) yellow pages are published by the "Baby Bells" (typically your local phone company) such as NYNEX, Southwestern Bell, US West, and so on. Also, be aware that most yellow pages come in both "consumer" and "business-to-business" versions. You want the "consumer" version—the other won't be of much help.

Finding the Yellow Pages
Actually, this isn't as difficult as it sounds. Most local phone companies that publish directories will send you a copy at a nominal fee. Here's an interesting note: US West (one of the seven "Baby Bells") will ship you any phone is book from any city in the United States. For US West's own directories (from Rocky Mountain states), prices run $7 to $22. Other cities are more expensive—for example, we priced the Chicago Yellow Pages at $40, and Los Angeles at $38. As you might expect, the big-ger the town, the more expensive the book. To order, call US West Direct at 1-800-422-8793. Delivery from Denver takes about ten days and they'll send you a bill (so you don't need a credit card to order—nice touch).

Long Distance Wedding: Home City

2009-06-29T11:20:00.000-07:00

Three major areas of your wedding may be planned in your home city. These include the wedding apparel (bridal and bridesmaids dresses), the invitations, and the personal wedding flowers.

APPAREL

The Wedding Gown

When you're a long-distance or destination bride, searching for a gown requires a few adjustments. First, you must be careful about the "wedding date" that you give to the dress shop. Second, long lead times may make finding a dress in the right "season" somewhat vexing. Finally, what about Mom? How can you get her input when she's not in town? And how are you going to get the gown from your home base to the wedding location? Here are some tips for making this process go as smoothly as possible.
When buying a wedding gown, consider lying about your wedding date.

Why would you do this? First, let's look at how long it takes to order and receive a wedding gown from a traditional bridal shop. It takes as much as two to four months (with some manufacturers up to six) to get in a special-order gown. Then you'll need to leave about a month for alterations and fittings. We recommend allow-ring still another month for screw-ups on the part of the shop. Finally, add in time if you plan to ship the dress to the wedding location.

Total time needed: for shopping, start a year in advance. Order the dress at least six months before the wedding, if not earlier. (For those of you without this much time, we suggest thinking about buying a dress off the rack.)

But why lie about your date? Well, we have spoken to many a bride who has tried to order a gown from a shop early (say July for a wedding the following summer) and was told, "Honey, come back in January and we can help you then."

That's right, many shops lull brides into believing they don't need to plan that far in advance. And as often as not, the dress arrives weeks late (say, two days before the wedding) and the alterations must be rushed. Considering the time needed to travel to the wedding location, you can't afford to have this happen. So, lie about your date (saying that it is four to six weeks earlier than it actually is) and give yourself extra breathing room to save your sanity during this stressful process.

One common bridal industry tactic that compounds this problem: shops that intentionally delay placing your dress order with the manufacturer. Why do they do this? Who knows. Perhaps they are using your dress deposit to pay their utility bills. Whatever the reason, they know your wedding is not for a few months, so why not put off ordering your dress until you "really need it."

That's exactly what one Texas bride told us about her recent order of a $1,200 gown. The bridal shop owner promised her dress by July for her October wedding. When it didn't come in, the shop owner said, "What's the rush? Your wedding isn't for three months." Of course, the bride had told the owner about a bridal portrait sitting she was planning for August when she placed the order—the dress needed to be altered in time for the sitting. Only after harassing the owner for days did the bride finally get her gown—in early August.

One more point: if you don't feel comfortable about lying, consider giving your real date and requiring the shop to give you a delivery date in writing (a smart tip for any dress order). This is not a common practice and they may refuse to do so. However, if they . do agree, you have some legal protection if they fail to deliver the dress on time.

Seasonality.

We know what you're thinking now: how can I choose a dress nine months to a year in advance and get a dress that will reflect the season of my actual wedding date?
Of course, if you're shopping a year in advance, you will be shopping during the same season as your future wedding. However, you may find only winter-style dresses with long sleeves, for example—nice, except for the fact that you are getting married in the summer. Similarly, dress shopping in the spring may only turn up short-sleeve styles.

Fortunately, there are ways around this problem. Many designers realize that it pays to keep some styles in their repertoire throughout the year. The number of short-sleeve or long-sleeve options may be smaller when shopping "out of season" but many are still available. Look through older bridal magazines to find styles, then see if they can be ordered.

Also, when looking for a short sleeve dress during long-sleeve season, consider asking what the extra charge would be to have the sleeves shortened. Or order the dress as is and take it to an experienced seamstress to have it altered. Stay away from fabrics that are going to be obviously hotter in summer as well. For example, you won't want to wear a heavy, slipper satin in August. Fabric finishes can also be changed by special request— there may be an extra charge, however.
If you're planning a destination wedding, keep in mind the climate of the wedding location. Check with your travel agent or wedding planner for tips on the best gown for the time of year that you'll tie the knot.

You want input from Mom, but she's so far away.

We have several ideas for involving Mom in this special gown purchase. For example, although many shops prohibit taking pictures of gowns, you could sneak a camera into the dressing room, get rid of the salesperson (you may need a friend to help here) and take a picture.

Also, use the bridal magazines as a resource. You can either send pages back and forth, or have Mom buy the same issue and talk about designs over the phone.
If you can't rely on these methods, simply bring one close friend (whose judgment you trust) to the bridal shop. This will certainly help protect you from overzealous salespeople whose idea of sophistication is an explosion of pink ruffles.
Transporting the gown.

This is one of the most oft-asked questions we get from brides planning a long distance wedding. After all, they say, how do you get that huge twenty-foot train on a plane?

FIRST, CONSIDER DOUBLE-BAGGING THE DRESS. Usually when you buy a dress from a full-service shop, they give you one of those heavy plastic bags made especially for bridal gowns. Consider buying a second bag (they cost from $10 to $20 each) to protect against any rips, tears, or splits in the first bag.
IF YOU'RE TAKING THE DRESS ON A PLANE: DON'T CHECK YOUR DRESS. In fact, see if you can hang it in one of the garment compartments. If not, lay it as flat as possible in the overhead compartment (you'll have to have the wrinkles steamed out anyway at the wedding location, so don't be too concerned).
CONSIDER UPS. If you can't take the dress on a plane or don't want to be bothered with the hassle, ship it via United Parcel Service. UPS offers reliable shipping service to any domestic address in the United States. (While UPS also ships internationally, you may want to play it safe and bring your dress on the plane if you're planning an overseas wedding).

Here's how you do it:

LEAVE YOURSELF AT LEAST SEVEN WORKING DAYS (twice that in December) for shipping time.
INSURE THE GOWN FOR FULL VALUE.
MAKE SURE THE PERSON YOU'RE SENDING IT TO IS GOING TO BE HOME DURING THE DAY.
ASK UPS WHAT NORMAL DELIVERY TIME IS to your friend's/relative's house. Tell the person on the receiving end when the dress will arrive.
PACKING: NEVER USE NEWSPAPER. Stuff bodice and sleeves with tissue paper; wrap in acid-free tissue paper (available at most craft stores); fill the box with plastic peanuts.
IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT, GO "SECOND DAY AIR." UPS handles air packages more gently than "ground" shipments, plus you'll know exactly when it will arrive (the cost is two to four times' more than regular ground service).

When it gets there.

Find a competent cleaner or bridal shop in your wedding city that can steam your wedding dress for you. (Note we didn't say press—don't let anyone touch your gown with an iron! The delicate fabric and lace of most gowns rules out ironing. Besides, scorch marks aren't very becoming). Often friends and family can come up with suggestions or look in the Yellow Pages.

Hanger hazards.

If you ship your dress several weeks before your wedding, lay it flat in a spare room. DON'T hang the dress for longer than a day or two. The weight of the dress and train can cause it to stretch out in the shoulders.

BRIDESMAIDS

How much advanced planning for bridesmaids?

Keep in mind that ordering a bridesmaids dress is very similar to buying a bridal gown. If you order a dress from a traditional shop, most designs will require anywhere from two to three months to get in (some manufacturers require up to six months, believe it or not).
Thankfully, a few designers are now offering faster service. For example, Alfred Angelo stocks four styles of bridesmaids gowns available for immediate delivery in sizes 4 to 44. Jordan also offers "jet service" for fast delivery in sizes up to 42. Even so, "jet service" may still mean a two-week wait. Check a bridal magazine for the name of a bridal shop near you that carries these designers.

Add in time for alterations and fittings (one month). Hence, you may still need to plan two months out to order from these "speedy" manufacturers and four months from the standard designers.

Where are the bridesmaids?

If they live at your home base, you can shop for the bridesmaids dresses locally.
If the bridesmaids live either at the wedding location or are scattered across the country, we recommend using Discount Bridal Service (DBS). This nationwide mail-order discounter has done for bridesmaids dresses what Land's End did for casual clothes.

The best strategy is to shop bridal shops and look through bridal magazines to fine the style you like. Get all the bridesmaids' sizes (typically bust, waist, and hips) and order the dresses from your local DBS rep.

If you have any questions about sizing, your local rep should be able to answer them. When you order a dress through Discount Bridal Service, the company does require a 100 percent deposit. This often requires a leap of faith on your part, but after researching the company thoroughly, we've found them to be reputable.
What are the advantage of using DBS for bridesmaids? They offer 20 to 25 percent discounts on the gowns (since the average bridesmaids dress is $150, your attendants could save $30 to $38 or more each). There is a charge for shipping and insurance starting at $14 per dress. Each dress is shipped directly to each bridesmaid.
Typically, dresses ordered through Discount Bridal Service take anywhere from twelve to sixteen weeks to arrive (up to six months for Bianchi, Jim Hjelm, and Eve of Milady). Each bridesmaid will then need to have the dress altered where she lives. To find a good seamstress, have each bridesmaid contact her local Discount Bridal Service representative for suggestions.

THE LATEST BRIDAL APPAREL SCAM
Recently we've been hearing reports from brides (and bridal shop employees) across the country about a new scam: bait-and-switch sample gowns.

INSTEAD OF ORDERING A NEW DRESS AS PROMISED, some shops are trying to pawn off used, sample gowns on unsuspecting brides. One ex-bridal shop employee in Chicago claimed the practice is widespread there. Here are our suggestions for foiling this scam.
TAKE A NEEDLE AND A PIECE OF COLORED THREAD WITH YOU TO THE BRIDAL SHOP. After the salesperson leaves the dressing room, sew the thread into an inconspicuous part of the sample gown. Check for the thread when you receive your gown to be sure it isn't the old sample you tried on months ago.
SNEAK A CAMERA INTO THE DRESSING ROOM with you, then have a friend distract the sales person. Snap pictures of the gown, then compare this to the dress when it comes in. Most shops prohibit any pictures, so you'll have to be discreet about this.
A VARIATION ON THIS SCAM OCCURS WHEN SHOPS DELIVER YOU A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DRESS than the one you ordered and, surprise surprise, the original sample has disappeared so you can't compare the two. Bridal shops are counting on the fact that your memory may not be so good after several months between ordering and receiving the gown. Again, snap a picture of the dress. If this isn't possible, try to find a magazine picture of the gown you ordered and compare it to the dress when it comes in.

INVITATIONS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS
While invitations may seem like a minor detail, the average invitation bill can run $300 or more. Fortunately this is another task that you can do at your home base. There are several points to consider, however, for "far and away" weddings.

Timing.

Generally, it takes ten days to two months to order invitations; most designs require four to six weeks. Unfortunately, one out of three orders comes in from the printer with mistakes made by the printer and will have to be reprinted. Our advice: check your order carefully when it arrives before paying the balance.

Leaving at least a one-month buffer zone, plus mailing time, will ensure your invitations will arrive in good time. Hence, we recommend ordering the invitations four to five months before the wedding date for long-distance events. Destination weddings that have guests will have similar requirements. If you're planning a couple-only wedding at a faraway location,, no invitations are necessary, but you'll probably want to order announcements to let your friends and family know the news. Announcements and invitations look similar, but an invitation's wording invites guests to the wedding, while an announcement just announces that you've already tied the knot. Hence, announcements do not have response cards, maps, or reception cards—saving you about 20 to 30 percent off the total printing bill.

Be prepared.

Have the correct spellings of streets and locations in the wedding city when you go to place the order. Also, make sure you know how to spell everyone's names correctly (one bride we interviewed misspelled her fiance's middle name and the invitation needed to be reprinted at substantial extra cost).

Consider having the order written up but not placed until a copy can be sent (or faxed) to the rest of your family, for proofreading. This way you can eliminate the possibility of spelling errors. If j you're planning a destination wedding and want the location of the ceremony on the announcement, check with your travel agent or wedding planner to confirm the exact spelling.

There's nothing like a good map to help direct guests to a hard to find ceremony or reception location. One tip to save money: see if the sites have pre-made maps (or a template) so you don't have to have them designed and printed. If not, go to the American Automobile Association (AAA) and get a recent map of the area. This way, you can avoid any map errors as well.

Mailing.

A close encounter with the U.S. Post Office is never a fun experience. Here are some guidelines to smooth the process.
Invitations for long-distance weddings. Since almost all the invitations you will be mailing will be to people who don't live at your home base, send them out at least six to eight weeks in advance. (For holiday weekends, consider mailing eight to ten weeks before the wedding). If many guests will be flying in for the wedding, consider mailing out a pre-invitation "newsletter" several months in advance. Include basic information about the date, place, time, hotel information, and so on. A postcard will also do the trick and only costs 19c to mail.
Announcements for destination weddings. Announcements can be mailed any time after you come back from your wedding.

FLOWERS

If you consider flowers a high-priority item for your wedding, but you don't want to deal long-distance with a florist you've never met, here's an interesting option: Have the bouquets made in your "home base" town and then carry (or ship) them to the wedding location. How does that work, you ask? If you use silk or dried arrangements, these can be made up in advance and easily transported.

Advantages of silk or dried flowers.

Basically, you oversee the colors and style of your bouquet from start to finish. If you don't like the design, you can change it, substituting different flowers or colors as you like.

You also have the advantage of knowing what the flowers will look like weeks before the wedding— removing one item from your list of many worries and concerns.
Finally, often silk and dried arrangements will save you some money. This is especially true if you find a discounter or make the arrangements yourself. For example, many local crafts stores have full-service floral arranging services that are a fraction of retail prices. We've priced an elaborate bridal bouquet of high-quality silk roses at just $50—at a retail florist, this could run $150 for fresh flowers. Also, the bouquets will last forever—they don't have to be dried or pressed to preserve your memories. Dried flowers offer a Victorian look at an affordable price—most are 10 to 20 percent less than fresh flowers.

Have the major arrangements designed with fresh flowers.

Examples include the altar or ceremony site flowers and reception site arrangements for the buffet table, guest tables, cake decorations, and so on. Be sure to coordinate carefully with the wedding location florist if you choose this option. Consider sending that florist samples of flowers and colors your local florist will be using to make the silk or dried flower bouquets. The result will be a smooth, coordinated look for all the flowers.

Key on local customs.

Flowers for the destination wedding are usually limited to the bride's bouquet and perhaps a boutonnière with the groom. Typically, the setting (on a bluff overlooking the Caribbean, for example) provides all the other ambiance.

Remember that the selection of fresh flowers available in other countries and locations may vary widely from that in the United States. And we suggest going with the flow—have a bridal bouquet that reflects the local flora of your destination wedding site. For example, bridal bouquets in Mexico are more likely to be sprays of tropical blooms like Bird of Paradise. You'll be hard pressed to find, for example, lilies of the valley (a delicate bloom that thrives in the cool and wet climates of North America), so we say why fight it? Ask a destination wedding planner for tips on local floral customs.

As you have learned, you can buy the invitations, dress and even flowers at home. But there are some items that must be done at the wedding location. But how can you find a good photographer, for example, long distance? Read on

Long Distance Wedding: Setting the Date, Most Popular Months For Wedding By State

2009-06-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

Determine which months are popular.

For destination weddings, this process is relatively simple. A tour company or travel agent can usually tell you the high and low seasons for a specific location. Generally, tropical sites (the Caribbean, Hawaii, and so on) are busiest from mid-December to mid-April. Hence, the hotel rates are highest then, with Christmas, February, and March especially on the expensive side.
Meanwhile, bargains can be had in off-r months such as May through November. Interestingly, the weather often has little to do with a month's popularity in some tropical spots. For example, in Hawaii, the time of the year with the most rain is right near Christmas, yet this is the highest of high tourist times. The rainy season in the Caribbean is generally in the fall, although the rain isn't so extreme as to ruin your honeymoon. The bottom line: do some research on the site (the back of this book has some helpful tips for certain sites plus references for travel resources).
While the weather may not matter much in the tropics, it certainly affects the popularity of nuptials here in the United States. As you can see from the following chart, the most (and least) popular months for weddings can vary gready by region. Climate and religious influences seem to affect which months are busiest. Despite the many differences, there are a few common points. With the exception of Hawaii, every state reports June in its top three. Conversely, January is always among the least popular months. Of course, wedding merchants still have to pay their mortgages during those slow months, and as a result, many are willing to offer discounts during such times.
The chart on the next two pages gives you the low-down, state-by-state.

MOST /LEAST POPULAR MONTHS FOR WEDDINGS BY STATE

	STATE	*Most Popular Months*	*Least Popular Months*
	NEW ENGLAND:
	Maine	July, August, June	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	New Hampshire	July, August, June	Feb., Mar., Jan.
	Vermont	July, August, June	Mar., Feb., Jan.
	Massachusetts	June, Oct., Sept.	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Rhode Island	Sept., June, Oct.	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Connecticut	June, Oct., Sept.	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	MIDDLE ATLANTIC:
	New York	June, August, July	Feb., Jan., Mar.
	New Jersey	Oct., June, May	Feb., Jan., Mar.
	Pennsylvania	June, Oct, Sept.	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	EAST NORTH CENTRAL:
	Ohio	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Indiana	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Illinois	June, August, Sept.	Feb., Jan., April
	Michigan	August, June, July	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Wisconsin	June, August, July	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	WEST NORTH CENTRAL:
	Minnesota	June, August, Sept.	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Iowa	June, August, July	Jan., Feb., Mai-.
	Missouri	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	North Dakota	June, July, August	Jan., Mar., Feb.
	South Dakota	June, August, July	Feb., Jan., Mar.
	Nebraska	June, August, July	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Kansas	June, July, May	Feb., Jan., Mar.
	SOUTH ATLANTIC:
	Delaware	June, May, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Maryland	June, May, July	Feb., Jan., Mar.
	Wash. D.C.	June, Sept., August	Feb., Mar., Jan.
	Virginia	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	West Virginia	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	North Carolina	June, July, August	Jan., Mar., Feb.
	South Carolina	July, June, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Georgia	June, July, December Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Florida	December, June, July Jan., Nov., Feb.
STATE	*Most Popular Months*	*Least Popular Months*
EAST SOUTH CENTRAL:
Kentucky	June July, May	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Tennessee	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Alabama	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Mississippi	June, July, December	Jan., Feb., Mar.
WEST SOUTH CENTRAL:
Arkansas	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Oct.
Louisiana	June, July, December	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Oklahoma	June, May, August	Jan., Oct., Nov.
Texas	June, July, September	Jan., Feb., Nov.
MOUNTAIN:
Montana	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Idaho	August, July, June	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Wyoming	August, June, July	Jan., Mar., Feb.
Colorado	June, August, September Jan., April, Feb.
New Mexico	May, June, August	Jan., Nov., Oct.
Arizona	June, May, December	Feb., Oct., Jan.
Utah	August, June, September Jan., Feb., April
Nevada	July, June, April	Jan., Feb., Mar.
PACIFIC:
Washington	August, June, July	Jan., Feb., Nov.
Oregon	August, June, July	Jan., Feb., Nov.
California	June, August, September	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Alaska	August, July, June	Jan., Mar., Nov.
Hawaii	December, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
US (TOTAL)	June, August, July	Jan., Feb., Mar.

Note: Months are listed in order of popularity. For example, "July, August, June" means that July is the #1 month, followed by August, then June. The least popular month is listed first, followed by the second least popular and so on.
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources

In New England, it is interesting to note that differences even occur within the region. In northern New England, for example, July appears to be most popular, followed by August and finally June. Southern New England must have an affinity for fall weddings, since October and September show up in the top #3—beating out the traditional summer months. In Rhode Island, for example, September weddings outnumber June affairs. Perhaps this is due to the number of churches in New England that do not have air conditioning, making summer nuptials less attractive.
This trend continues further down the coast, with New Jersey and Pennsylvania reporting October as a top-three month. New York, however, appears more traditional with summer months capturing the top spots.

Further to the west in the Midwest and Great Plains, traditional June/summer weddings seem to reign unchallenged. The only exceptions may be Minnesota and Illinois, which report September as one of the top months. Kansas is the only state in the Great Plains to cite May as a popular bridal time.

In the mid-Atlantic, we note that May also is popular with Delaware and Maryland couples. As you travel further south, something funny happens. The big popularity of Christmas weddings make December busy in states like Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Florida. In fact, December is the #1 month for nuptials in Florida—no doubt many brides and grooms bring down their relatives from cold northern climates to combine a vacation and wedding in the sunshine state.

While December is hot, so to speak, in the south, it's neighboring month November is much less popular. In Texas and Oklahoma, early spring warmth in March probably explains why that month's- weddings-outnumber November—a change from the rest of the United States.

Out in the mountain states, it's definitely a mixed bag. Dry August weather probably contributes to that month's popularity in Idaho, Utah, and Wyoming. Late spring snow storms seems to have discouraged brides in Colorado and Utah from considering April for weddings. On the other hand, this might be good news for brides interested in planning a spring destination wedding/ski honeymoon in the Rockies.
The Desert Southwest is a prime example of how weddings are affected by the weather. Most weddings in Arizona are spread out rather evenly throughout the year. December is a popular month to tie the knot, while October and February are not. In New Mexico, fall weddings also appear out, while late spring nuptials in May are in.
In the Pacific Northwest, soggy June weather makes that month less popular. Instead, August is tops in Washington and Oregon. California has more traditional June weddings, although September nuptials appear to be strong.

Pick an off day of the week or time of day.

If you still want to get married in a peak bridal month but you'd like to save money, choosing an off day of the week like Friday night or Sunday can be a good.strategy for long-distance brides. Also, a morning or afternoon wedding on Saturday may offer some of the same advantages.

Many services offer discounts for non-Saturday night weddings and receptions. Another advantage is that you have less competition for the best businesses, churches and reception sites if you pick off days of the week or times of the day.

Eighty percent of all weddings occur on Saturdays. Occasionally, you may run up against religious restrictions for certain times. Jews cannot marry on the Sab-bath (sundown Friday to sundown Saturday). In Oklahoma, many churches prohibit Saturday night weddings, making Friday night and Saturday afternoon the most popular times to wed. (One bride explained this to us by noting that most churches want to make sure the church is clean for Sunday services.)

The choice of a wedding day is fraught with different challenges for destination brides. For example, you can get married any day of the week in Hawaii—but the marriage license bureau is only open Monday through Friday. Hence, if you arrive on a Saturday, you can't get married on a Sunday since you won't be able to get a license until Monday. Similarly, some states and countries have waiting periods and residency requirements.

Avoid holidays.

Granted, holiday weekends (Labor Day, Memorial Day, Christmas, etc.) may seem convenient to you, but they're just as convenient for thousands of other brides. Again, the key is to avoid competition, so unless you absolutely must plan your wedding on a holiday due to time constraints, stay away from them.

Plan far enough in advance.

Whether you choose a slower time of the year (or the week) or a popular holiday date, planning well in advance is imperative. This gives you time to shop around, collect bids and evaluate packages and businesses. If you plan to visit your wedding location, advance planning will help you avoid a waste of your precious time and money.

In the high season, brides planning a destination wedding should leave a good six months to line up the details. While slower times of the year may require less planning (say, three months), the choice wedding/honeymoon sites book up quickly. Long-distance brides need more time to pull together the event, especially if there are one hundred or more guests expected. In major metropolitan areas, planning twelve to eighteen months in advance for a June wedding is not unrealistic. In smaller metro areas, leaving nine to eleven months of preparation time for the peak wedding season is preferable. Slower times of the year require slightly less advance planning—in major cities, six to nine months and in small towns, four to six months.
What if you don't have that much time? Don't despair. Some hustiing and help from friends and family may be able to get the job done. However, you may have to make compromises to accommodate the short time frame. For example, you may have your heart set on marrying in a restored mansion, but by the time you contact the appropriate sites, they may all be booked and you'll have to settle for an alternative plan. Flexibility is the key in setting a date for your wedding.
Theoretically, a destination wedding could be planned on a moment's notice. If there are two seats available, the airlines would love to fly you to Jamaica with one day's notice. That's because you're going to pay a zillion dollars for the privilege. Of course, the best fares require twenty-one or thirty-day advance purchase. In addition, you may need more time (filing periods, document translations) to get a marriage license in some countries.

The bottom line: whether you are planning a wedding in your hometown or in some exotic tropical location, it's best to leave several months to plan.

Wedding Etiquette: Wedding Anniversaries

2009-06-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

Most people like to celebrate wedding anniversaries with presents and perhaps have an evening out at a favorite restaurant or theater.

Traditionally, certain materials are associated with individual years in the course of a marriage, the idea being that anniversary presents in those years should be made out of those particular materials. So, if you want to uphold the custom - flowers and boxes of chocolates notwithstanding - the list below gives the materials generally associated with each year. They do vary slightly, however; paper is sometimes given for the first year, leather for the twelfth, ivory for the fourteenth, wool for the fortieth, and silk for the forty-fifth.

Anniversary Wedding
First Cotton or Paper
Second Paper
Third Leather
Fourth Silk or Flowers
Fifth Wood
Sixth Sugar
Seventh Wool or Copper
Eighth Bronze
Ninth Pottery
Tenth Tin
Eleventh Steel
Twelfth Silk and Fine Linen or Leather
Thirteenth Lace
Fourteenth Ivory
Fifteenth Crystal
Twentieth China
Twenty-fifth Silver
Thirtieth Pearl
Thirty-fifth Coral
Fortieth Ruby
Forty-fifth Sapphire
Fiftieth Gold
Fifty-fifth Emerald
Sixtieth Diamond
Seventieth Platinum
Seventy-fifth Diamond

Wedding Etiquette: Wedding Superstitions, Lucky Dates For Weddings

2009-06-08T14:19:00.000-07:00

Most of us like to play the superstition game at one time or another and weddings, in particular, come in for a whole: range of sayings and warnings - which are fun if you take them with a pinch of salt! When it comes to deciding on the date it is considered unlucky to marry on your birthday; however, it is considered particularly lucky if husband and wife share the same birthday although they must be a year or two apart.

The Bride
There are many sayings related to the bride. The need for her to wear 'something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue' at the wedding is well known. It is generally considered unlucky for the bride to make her own dress - even professional dressmakers rarely do - and it is even more unlucky to try on the full bridal array too soon, especially if she sees herself in full-length mirror. She can, of course, leave off a glove or a shoe out of respect for the old tradition!

Did you know that an old veil is thought to be luckier than new one? This is particularly true if borrowed from a woman who is happily married, or if it is an heirloom from the brides family. The good fortune and/or fertility of the earlier marriages pass with the veil to its new wearer.

The colour of the bride's dress is supposed to be a faithful portent of the future:
White is a symbol of purity and virtues.
Green typifies youth, hope and happiness.
Red is a sign of vigour, courage and great
passion. (There may be a touch of jealousy, however.)
Violet denotes dignity, pride and high ideals.

The wedding procession is not overlooked. The bride must leave her home by the front door with her right foot foremost. It is considered lucky if the sun shines, if she sees a rainbow on the way, or meets a black cat or a chimney sweep 'in his blacks'.
The modern custom of sending a piece of wedding cake to friends and relatives not present at the reception has its roots in a desire for them to share its luck-bringing properties. One old saying advises the bride to keep a piece of the cake; if she does her husband will be faithful to her.

The following dates are reckoned to be especially lucky for weddings:
January 2 4 11 19 21
February 1 3 10 19 21
March 3 5 12 20 23
April 2 4 12 20 22
May 2 4 12 20 23
June 1 3 11 19 21
July 1 3 12 19 21
August 2 11 18 20 31
September 1 9 16 18 28
October 15 18 27 29
November 5 11 13 22 25
December 1 8 10 19 23

Other superstitions about the wedding day are of a more general nature.

'Happy the bride whom the sun shines on' may be a well-known saying. But did you know that one thing said to guard against rain is to feed your cat on the morning of the wedding? (If you're getting married in Germany, however, steer clear of cats. Each drop of rain is looked upon as a blessing on the marriage.)
It is a good sign if the bride is woken on the day by the song of a bird, and also if she discovers a spider in the folds of her dress!
It is bad luck to break anything - especially a mirror - on the wedding morning, or to lose the heel of a shoe.
With each glance in the mirror, the bride is supposed to add something to her make-up or clothing, even if it is only, -a pair of gloves.
It is bad luck for the couple to meet in the morning before the wedding, but good luck if they smile at each other when they meet in the church.
A bride is not supposed to weep before the marriage but she may do so as much as she likes afterwards this pros^es that she is not a witch, who could shed only three tears ; from her left eye.
If the bride sees a lamb, a dove, a spider, a toad or black cat on her way to the church it is a sign of good luck but it is reckoned a very bad sign if she encounters a funeral party or if a pig crosses the road in front of the wedding car

The Bridegroom
Rather fewer superstitions surround the conduct of the bridegroom on his wedding day.
All will be well as long as he does not see his bride in her wedding dress before he meets her in the church, and does not drop the ring before putting it on her finger. If she has to help him in this, he may expect to be ruled by her in the future. It is also considered unlucky to buy the engagement and wedding rings on the same day.

The bridegroom should pay the church fees (through the best man) with an odd sum of money, carry a small mascot in his pocket and on no account turn back.for anything after leaving for the church.

After the honeymoon, the husband should carry his wife over the threshold of their new home. When this is done, both will be rewarded with all the good fortune they could wish for.

The Bridesmaids
Finally, for the bridesmaids, there is one very well known saying: 'Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride'.

Wedding Etiquette: Honeymoon

2009-06-08T14:11:00.000-07:00

If the wedding ceremony and reception need careful thought and planning, so does the first trip that the bride and bridegroom will take together as a married couple. Most people will want to have a honeymoon, and the tradition of beginning the honeymoon;: immediately after the wedding is still followed by many couples^ today.
Apart from the question of cost, the most important factor is to take a honeymoon which will appeal to both of you. A honeymoon in which the interests of one partner are followed while the other trails along with little enthusiasm is hardly the best way to start married life. So there should be a discussion well before .the wedding; read through the brochures together, and book the holiday well in advance.

When thinking about where to go for the honeymoon remember to take into account the date of the wedding. If you are getting married in the winter months, and you want sun, you will have to pay for it. Alternatively, you could opt for a honeymoon in a city, such as London or Paris, where the attractions are not so dependent on the weather.

Do not be shy about admitting your new status some travel firms offer honeymoon trips complete with free "champagne and four-poster beds, and hotels will often make a special effort to see that the honeymoon stay is as enjoyable as possible
Honeymoons abroad also mean you have to cheek on passports, travel tickets, travellers' cheques, hotel reservations foreign currency and medical insurance, as well as any inoculation that may be required. Do not leave it all to the last minute You will have enough to do in the run-up to the wedding without worrying about the possible after-effects of an injection against cholera!

Finally, do not be too surprised if the honeymoon does not live up to all your expectations. The first few weeks of marriage are rarely without their problems. Two adults who have already developed personalities and ways of their own have to learn to adjust to one another. Relax, take things as they come, and you will soon find yourself looking back with affection on what will almost certainly be one of the most memorable holidays of your life.

Wedding Etiquette: Marriage Ceremony (Part II)

2009-06-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

ROMAN CATHOLIC WEDDINGS
As with all marriages outside the Church of England, the couple must give notice of their intention to marry to the local Superintendent Registrar (or registrars if they live in different districts). Often the priest or one of his parishioners will be authorized to register the marriage, in which case the registrar is not required to be present at the wedding.

The marriage ceremony may be conducted during Mass (called a Nuptial Mass) or outside Mass, usually when one of the couple is not a Roman Catholic. However, the rite of marriage is the same in either case.

The priest first addresses the bride and bridegroom on the significance of marriage within the Church: it is regarded as a sacrament which will 'enrich and strengthen' them so that the union will be one of 'mutual and lasting fidelity'.

The couple have to declare no lawful impediment to marriage; they promise to be faithful to each other and to accept that they bring up children within the Roman Catholic faith. The priest invites them to declare their consent to marry 'according to the rite of our Holy Mother the Church', to which each replies 'I will'.

Right hands joined, the couple then call upon the congregation to witness the marriage, and make their vows: 'to have and to hold from this day forward ... till death do us part'.

The priest confirms them in marriage and the rings are blessed and exchanged - or only one may be given - using the following words:

'I (Christian name only) take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.'

JEWISH WEDDINGS
When Jewish people marry, they are required to give notice to the registrar, but the marriage may be solemnized in a synagogue or private house. When a synagogue or house is used, the secretary of the synagogue to which the man belongs must take down the necessary particulars.

The ceremony, when held in a synagogue, varies in the form it takes. The bride and bridegroom stand under a canopy - a chuppah - which is a reminder of the time when the Israelites were forced to live in tents. The couple's parents join in the ceremony by standing under the canopy with them and supporting them. Behind are their relations and friends. The best man stands behind and to the left of the bridegroom.

The rabbi delivers a short address to the couple. Then the bridegroom turns to the bride, who stands to his right, and before placing the ring on her finger, says, 'Behold, thou art consecrated unto me by this ring, according to the law of Moses and of Israel.' The bride should wear no other rings or jewellery, not even her engagement ring.

The next step is the reading and signing of the Hebrew marriage contract. The man promises to be a true and faithful husband, and to protect, support, love, honor and cherish his bride. She promises to be true and faithful and to love, honor and cherish him.

Following the vows, the Seven Benedictions are recited and the couple drink wine, twice from the same vessel; then the bridegroom dashes the glass to the ground. Drinking the wine reminds the couple that they are required to share each other's pleasures and halve each other's troubles. The broken glass symbolizes the weakness of marriage without love.

Before the ceremony is concluded, the following covenant is signed:
'On the ... day of the week, the ... day of the month of... in the year ... corresponding to the ... of... the holy covenant of marriage was entered into, in between the bridegroom, and his bride, ...

'The said bridegroom made the following declaration to his bride: "Be thou my wife according to the Law of Moses and of Israel. I faithfully promise that I will be a true husband unto thee. I will honor and cherish thee; I will work for thee; I will protect and support thee; and will provide all that is necessary for thy due sustenance, even as it beseemeth a Jewish husband to do. I also take upon myself all such further obligations for thy maintenance during thy lifetime as are prescribed by our religious statutes".

'And the said bride plighted her troth unto him, in affection and with sincerity,, and has thus taken upon herself the fulfillment of all the duties incumbent upon a Jewish wife.
'This covenant of marriage was duly executed and witnessed this day according to the usage of Israel'.

QUAKER WEDDINGS
When a Society of Friends wedding is to take place, the arrangements come under the care of the Society's registering officer for the area concerned.

It should be noted that besides giving notice to the registering officer, notice must also be given to the local Superintendent Registrar in the usual way.

The Society's registering officer will ensure that the Quaker regulations are followed and that, if they are satisfactorily completed, the meeting for worship to solemnise the marriage is duly approved.

At the ceremony, the usual custom is for the bride and bridegroom to sit surrounded by their relations and friends, and then for the two to stand at a moment when they feel it is right. Holding hands, the man makes the following declaration:

'Friends, I take this my friend, to be my wife, promising through divine assistance, to be unto her a loving and faithful husband so long as we both on earth shall live.'

The bride makes a similar declaration. A certificate is then signed by the couple and two witnesses, stating that the couple made the necessary declarations, that they fulfilled the legal obligations and were duly married. All those present are invited to sign the certificate after the meeting is over. No ring need appear at the ceremony, but sometimes one ring is given or rings may be exchanged after the declaration.

WEDDINGS ABROAD
A fairly recent innovation is to travel abroad to get wed. There are travel companies who will arrange the whole package deal for you. The favorite destinations are some of the islands of the West Indies, the Seychelles, Mauritius and Mexico. It could be seen as traveling to your honeymoon destination first, then getting married.

Some couples may take members of their family or friends with them, but if they arrive alone the travel companies may organize a best man and bridesmaids, in addition to all the legal arrangements, hotel and travel, and 'extras' such as flowers, wedding cake, reception and video of the ceremony.

If the idea of marrying abroad appeals to you, but you would prefer to make the arrangements yourself, you should be especially careful. The problems you might encounter are numerous and will involve you in a great deal of correspondence with the various authorities.

THE RECEPTION
After the wedding ceremony comes the reception and in the case of the traditional English wedding this follows a certain pattern. It may be a very large reception with hundreds of guests or a small, informal gathering, but in either case there is a very similar pattern to the proceedings.

The first decision regarding the reception, which needs to.be made some months in advance of the wedding, is where the reception should be held: hall, hotel or house. With a large number^of guests, the choice is between hall and hotel, and m either case an. early booking will be necessary. An average size house can prob-r ably accommodate only 30 or 40 guests, but there is an attractive alternative if the house has a large garden. It is possible to hare marquees which can be set up a few days beforehand and which contain all the necessary fittings such as lights and wooden or mat flooring.

A decision about the catering arrangements will probably be made at the same time as the choice of venue is decided Naturally a reception held in a hotel will mean that the hotel will arrange everything at an inclusive charge per guest. It will also provide rooms in which the bride and groom will be able to change their clothes during the reception.

Unless some members of the family are particularly adept at catering, it is probably wise to call in specialist caterers, whether the reception is in a hall or a private house. It might seem feasible to lay on a tasty spread for 30 or so guests in a small, informal gathering at home, but with a hundred and one other things to think of on the big day, the professional touch can often-be- worth the extra cost. A booking in a local hall no doubt provides the most options: outside caterers or do-it-yourself, sit-down meal or buffet. What the hall might not have is a suitable room in which the bride and groom can change into their going-away outfits, so a suitable arrangement will need to be made.

A Formal Reception
A formal or semi-formal reception will have a receiving line to welcome the guests. This usually consists of the bride's mother and father, the bridegroom's mother and father and the bride and bridegroom themselves - in that order. This applies whether or not either set of parents is divorced. New partners are not normally included in the receiving line. The best man is not always included as he is usually the last to leave church, but if he does arrive in time he should be included after the groom.

Each guest is greeted by name or by politely asking their name. The bride and groom introduce each other to the guests when necessary or convenient. Generally it is sufficient for each guest to identify themselves to the first in the line. This is the traditional way, but today receiving lines tend to be more spontaneous and faster moving. If a large number of guests has been invited and you want to speed up proceedings, the bride and bridegroom can do the receiving on their own.

On entering, the guests are usually presented with a glass of wine or an aperitif, and when the last guest has been received everyone looks at the seating plan to find out where they are placed. The toastmaster (or best man) guides the guests to their seats. The processional order is: bride and groom, bride's father with groom's mother, bride's mother with groom's father, chief bridesmaid (with best man if he is available), bridesmaids, page boys, ushers, then guests. Sometimes seating arrangements are left to the guests to make their own choices. If there are separate bar and dining areas, early arrivals can wait comfortably in the bar until everyone is assembled.

Seating arrangements vary according to the number of guests and the layout of the tables. For a formal reception, however, there will be a 'top table' for the principal members of the wedding party and the attendants (see Checklist 6.1). Since it is an honor to sit at the top table, be careful not to hurt anyone's feelings by including a guest who is not also a member of the wedding party. An aunt who has flown in from Australia for the wedding may, however, be classed as an exception!

The bride and the two mothers usually work out how best to seat the other guests. If there are complications due to a parental divorce, seating arrangements at the top table should be discussed with all the parties concerned. Depending on how co-operative they are likely to be, there should be no problem in finding everyone a place. You will probably want to aim at some interchanging between the families, but not so much that no one knows what to say to each other.

If traditional arrangements seem inappropriate the solution may be to have a room full of separate tables: this can create a much more relaxed and successful atmosphere as long as the guests are grouped tactfully with a good mix of men and women.

If the bride's parents are divorced and she has been brought up by her mother and a stepfather, he may be asked to make the first speech and propose the main toast. However, the exact arrangements will vary according to the individual circumstances and should be discussed and agreed beforehand.

The most important thing is that personal feelings about ex-partners do not get out of hand and interfere with the success of the wedding. If the situation is handled with dignity and understanding, there is no reason why they should.

If a minister is present they must be invited to say grace and should have been approached in advance. If there is no minister present, grace may be said by the bride's father, for which the best man or toastmaster requests silence. The bride and. groom are the first to be served or to serve themselves.
After the last course is over (or alternatively, about halfway through proceedings), the cake-cutting ceremony and the toasts and speeches take place.

If there is no official toastmaster present, the best man introduces the speakers.
The first to speak is the bride's father who stands and says a few words before proposing the main toast: 'Health and happiness to the bride and bridegroom.' The bridegroom responds briefly, thanking the bride's parents and the guests, and ends by proposing a toast to the health of the bridesmaids. The best man follows by replying for the bridesmaids and reading out the congratulatory telemessages and cards. The bride may also elect to say a few words.

All the speeches should be kept short and informal. If they can be witty without being offensive, so much the better. However, a sincere approach often goes down just as well, so if you have any doubts about your abilities as a humorist, it is best to avoid jokes!

The cake should have been ordered some weeks before and delivered to the reception on the day of the wedding. Icing on a traditional wedding cake can be very thick so it will help if this is already cut through. The bride holds the knife in her right hand, with the bridegroom's right hand on hers, and her left hand on top. After the first slice has been successfully dealt with, the cake can be taken away and cut into smaller pieces for the guests to eat with their coffee. You may wish to rescue the top tier to keep for a christening. Use cake boxes to send pieces of the cake to people who could not attend the wedding.

If there is to be dancing, the bride and bridegroom will be first on to the floor, followed by the chief bridesmaid and the best man, then the parents of the bride and groom and members of the two families.

After a while spent chatting to the guests, the couple slip away to change into their going-away clothes, returning for a few minutes to say their final goodbyes before going on honeymoon. Traditionally, just before they leave, the bride tosses her bouquet to a bridesmaid or a young female guest who, tradition has it, will be the next in line for marriage.

At the end of the reception the best man collects the groom's clothes and checks that nothing has been left behind by male guests. He ensures that the wedding cards and any messages are returned to the bride's mother. The host, hostess and best man are the last to leave.

CHECKLIST: SEATING PLACES AT THE RECEPTION

Variations on the seating may be made, although the top table is usually reserved for the wedding party.. Alternating the sexes is usual. The families can be mixed

CHECKLIST: AT THE RECEPTION
As the guests arrive they should be greeted by:
The bride's mother and father
The groom's mother and father
The bride and groom
Attendants and ushers should offer drinks and chat pleasantly
The best man guides guests to the seating plan
The hostess (the bride's mother) should give the signal for the wedding breakfast to begin
If champagne is used for toasts only, it should be left until after the meal and served just before the speeches begin
The best man or toastmaster requests silence for grace
The minister or the bride's father says grace
After the meal, the best man or the toastmaster calls upon the bride's father to speak
The bride's father gives a speech and proposes the toast to 'The bride and groom'
The bridegroom responds, gives a speech and proposes a toast to 'The bridesmaids'

THE RECEPTION
The best man responds on behalf of the bridesmaids, gives a speech, reads out a selection of telemessages and cards and gives the programme for the rest of the reception
The bride and groom cut the cake
The bride and groom lead the dancing, followed by the chief bridesmaid and the best man, and the parents of the bride and groom
The best man oversees the decoration of
the going-away car, ensuring that no damage is done
The best man organises transport for the bride and groom and hands over the documents
The bride and groom change into their going-away outfits
The best man places the luggage in the going-away car
The bride and groom say their goodbyes
The bride tosses her bouquet

Wedding Etiquette: Marriage Ceremony (Part I)

2009-06-08T13:36:00.000-07:00

Before the ceremony itself takes place, there will almost certainly be an opportunity to attend a rehearsal in the church. The minister will run through all the details of the service and explain the roles of each of the principal members of the wedding party.

It is best if the whole wedding party can attend the rehearsal, but if that is not possible it will help if the best man can be present so that he can later advise anyone who is unsure of the correct procedures.

CHURCH OF ENGLAND WEDDINGS
If you are getting married in an Anglican church, you should have already discussed with the minister whether the service is to be traditional or if it is to be conducted according to an Alternative Service Book version. The minister may have his or her own very definite opinions about this, but both ceremonies are very moving.

If the parents of either the bride or the bridegroom are divorced, a little tact and co-operation all round will help to ensure that the wedding is still a happy occasion, both for them, and for the couple about to be married.

In these circumstances the seating arrangements at the church are slightly altered. If the bride's parents are divorced, her mother will be shown to the first pew on the left-hand side of the church. She may be with her new husband, or, if she has not remarried, with a close relative. The bride's father takes his seat in the second or third pew, also with his new partner if he has remarried. The same arrangements apply to the bridegroom's parents if they are divorced.
Twenty minutes or so before a Church of England wedding is due to begin, the guests will start to arrive. The bride's family and friends are conducted to the left-hand seats of the church and the bridegroom's family and friends to those on the right. The bridegroom and the best man are seated in the front pew on the right-hand side. The bride's mother usually travels to the church with the bridesmaids, who remain in the church porch until the bride and her father arrive.
When the bride has taken her place at the church entrance, the organist will play the entrance music. At this point the congregation rises. The bride takes her father's right arm and they walk down the aisle followed by the bridesmaids. If it is a full choral service the minister may meet the bride in the porch and the procession will be led by the choir, followed by the minister, the bride and her father and the bridesmaids.

The bridegroom and the best man meet the party at the chancel steps. The bride stands on the left of the bridegroom, and her father to her left, but slightly to the rear. The best man positions himself on the right of the bridegroom and, like the father, slightly to the rear. (After the bride's father has given away his daughter, he can take his seat next to his wife in the front pew. The best man can also step to one side after he has presented the ring.)

At this point the chief bridesmaid steps forward to take the bride's bouquet or, if there are no bridesmaids, it may be handed to her father, who in turn may give it to his wife. The bouquet should be returned to the bride before she leaves the church, usually at the signing of the register.

The ceremony then begins. The minister first explains the significance of marriage according to the Scriptures. He or she then calls on the congregation - and the bride and bridegroom - to declare if there is any reason why the couple may not lawfully marry.

The minister then asks each of the couple in turn whether they promise to love, comfort, honour and forsaking all others (in the modern version) protect the other ... 'as long as you both shall live', to which they reply 'I will'.

The bridegroom takes the bride's right hand in his, and they exchange vows 'to have and to hold, from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death us do part'.

The best man gives the ring to the minister, and the bridegroom places it on the third finger of the bride's left hand, or sometimes rings are exchanged. The bridegroom then makes his promise to the bride as follows (in the modern version):

'I give you this ring
as a sign of our marriage.
With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you,
within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.'

The bride responds with the same promise, beginning 'I receive this ring ...' and the minister then pronounces them man and wife. After the marriage, and before signing the register, the minister will sometimes give a short address, especially if one or both of the married couple are known to him or her.

When the service is ended, the wedding party move into the vestry to sign the register. The best man and the chief bridesmaid usually act as the two witnesses. Everyone has a chance to relax now, and one or two photographs are usually taken at the signing.

Coming out of the church, the bride takes the left arm of the bridegroom; they are followed by any small bridesmaids; the chief bridesmaid and the best man; the bride's mother and the bridegroom's father; the bridegroom's mother and the bride's father; and other bridesmaids, often escorted by the ushers. Relatives leave next, followed by special guests and then friends.

Outside, there will be a good deal of milling around as the wedding photographs are taken. Confetti (if it is permitted) will most likely be thrown when the bride and bridegroom decide it is time to leave for the reception.

PLACES DURING THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND CEREMONY

1. Minister
2. Bride
3. Bridegroom
4. Bride's father
5. Best man
6. Chief bridesmaid
7. Bridesmaids

1. Minister
2. Bride
3. Bridegroom
4. Chief bridesmaid
5. Best man
6. Bridesmaids
7. Bride's mother
8. Groom's father
9. Groom's mother
10. Bride's father

REGISTER OFFICE WEDDINGS
The reasons that couples opt for a register office wedding are various, not least of them, of course, being financial. The cost of a full-scale church wedding is now said to average more than £6,000 (at 1998 prices). No matter how that sort of cost is shared, many couples obviously feel that there is a strong case in favour of a register office wedding.

Because there are generally size limitations in a register office there will be room for only a small number of guests to accompany the couple and their two witnesses. Everybody should arrive about ten minutes before the ceremony to ensure that it starts on time, as there will probably be another wedding following shortly. The tradition of the bride arriving with her father is not always, followed; sometimes the bride and groom arrive together.

The ceremony takes about ten to 15 minutes and will be conducted by the Superintendent Registrar. The couple must state that they know of no legal impediment to marrying and will be reminded of the solemn and binding nature of the vows which they will repeat after the registrar. The ring or rings are exchanged and the relevant documents signed by the couple and the witnesses.

APPROVED PREMISES WEDDINGS
The Marriage Act 1994 changed the law in two ways; firstly, local authorities may license 'suitable premises' for the solemnisation of marriage, and secondly there is no need to live in the district in which the marriage is to take place.

It is the intention of The Marriage (Approved Premises) Regulations 1995 to allow civil marriages to take place regularly in hotels, stately homes, civic halls and similar 'suitable premises' without compromising the fundamental principles of English marriage law and maintaining the solemnity of the occasion. A private residential house is unlikely to be an appropriate building as it would not be known to the public as a marriage venue or regularly be available for use. The Regulations preclude marriages from taking place in the open air, in a marquee or any other temporary structure or in most forms of transport. A directory of registered premises in England and Wales is kept by the Marriages Section, P.O.Box 2, Southport, Merseyside, PR8 2JD (telephone 01704 569824).

Couples who choose approved premises generally have the ceremony at the reception venue, since this is much more convenient for the wedding party and guests.
The setting must not resemble a church in any way; for example, prayer books would probably not be allowed. The marriage room must be separate from any other activity on the premises and accessible to the public without charge so that they may witness the marriage and be able to make any objections. No food or drink may be sold or consumed in the marriage room for one hour before or during the ceremony.

As for a register office, the ceremony must not include any religious elements. Any reading, words, music or performance which forms part of a civil ceremony of marriage must be secular. • Many Superintendent Registrars insist on confining the ceremony to include only the legal elements, with perhaps one or two very minor additions, and conduct the proceedings in registered premises rooms in the same way as they do in register offices.

On arrival at the approved premises, the Superintendent Registrar meets the couple privately to explain the procedure. Meanwhile guests gather in the marriage room. The Superintendent Registrar, the bride and groom then enter and the ceremony takes place. After the register is signed and the ceremony is ended, the Superintendent Registrar leaves the premises.

FREE CHURCH WEDDINGS
Most of the Free Church buildings have been registered by a Superintendent of Marriages as buildings in which marriages may be solemnised. Ministers of these churches, be they United Reformed, Baptist, Methodist or other Protestant churches, are generally registered as 'authorised' persons to conduct the marriage service and to act as the registrar, which simply means keeping the marriage register. If such authorisation has not been obtained, a Superintendent Registrar or his or her deputy must be present to record the wedding, although the minister may still conduct the ceremony. Alternatively, a civil ceremony may be conducted by the Superintendent Registrar in his or her office.

The order of service is very similar to that used in the Church of England, with variations within the different denominations. After the bridal procession arrives in front of the minister, together with the bridegroom and best man, the service begins with a declaration of intent. The bride and groom in turn will say:

I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I.....may not be joined in matrimony to .....'

After the minister has asked the congregation if they know of any lawful objection to the marriage, the couple exchange vows and proceed with the ceremony of the ring followed by the blessing. After the service the newlyweds and two witnesses sign the register.

The question of remarriage of divorced people is very much a matter for each minister considering each case on its merits. He or she may have very strong views on the subject or may be willing to give careful consideration to the matter and agree to conduct a church service.

Wedding Etiquette: Bride, Bridegroom, Best Man, Bridesmaides and Pages, Ushers Duties (Part III)

2009-06-08T13:32:00.000-07:00

THE BRIDE'S FATHER
Although traditionally the bride's mother organizes the wedding, no doubt she will be assisted in many ways by her husband, since there is a considerable amount of preparation involved and decisions to be made. Many couples may share the organization.

Duties
On the subject of dress the bride's father complies with the bridegroom. If the groom decides that the order of dress will be morning suits, then all the male attendants are required to dress in the same way, including the bride's father and the bridegroom's father.

The main duty of the bride's father is to give his daughter away on her wedding day. When she is ready to leave the house, he accompanies her to the church, then escorts her down the aisle. At the appropriate time in the service, when the minister asks who is giving the bride away, he will take his daughter's right hand and place it in the hand of the minister.

When the service is over he will join the bridegroom's mother as the wedding party proceeds to the vestry for the signing of the register. He also accompanies her out of church, then rejoins his wife.

Once the newlyweds have departed, the bride's parents need to be the next to leave the church to be ready to greet the guests at the reception.

The next duty of the bride's father is to say grace if there is no minister present. He makes a short speech after the meal. Some information on speechmaking appears towards the end of this post. The bride's father and mother are the last to leave the reception.

Expenditure
When it comes to wedding costs, it might be easier to list the items that the bride's father (or in reality, these days, the bride's parents) does not pay for, as traditionally he pays for almost everything on the occasion of his daughter's wedding. Very often nowadays, however, the groom or the groom's father will offer to contribute some part of the cost. The bride's father's main expense will probably be the reception and this is often the area where the bridegroom's father offers to share the cost.

The first bill for the bride's father may be for the engagement party. Then he will have the cost of printing invitations and order-of-service sheets, followed by the bride's dress and attendants' outfits, wedding cake, flowers for the church and reception, cars and photographer.

He will probably buy a new suit or hire morning dress, his wife will have a new outfit, and there will be many other small incidental expenses.

Older couples and those who have lived together generally pay for the wedding themselves. It would be inappropriate to expect retired parents to take on the financial responsibility.

TOASTS AND SPEECHES
Something which many dread and renders others totally dumb is speechmaking. The thought of standing up and 'saying a few words' fills many hearts with fear. If you feel that 'the speech' is a major obstacle, a copy of Wedding Speeches and Toasts by Barbara Jeffery, Wedding Speeches by Lee Jarvis or Mitch Murray's One-Liners for Weddings will prove to be a great help. Apart from guidance on writing and presenting speeches, there are specimens that you can use or adapt as your own.

Order and Content of Speeches
Toasts and speeches are generally made at the end of the wedding breakfast and it may well fall to the best man to act as toastmaster.

1. The bride's father will be called upon first. It is traditional for the . bride's father to propose the toast to the bride and groom, but if the bride's mother is a widow the toast should be made by a relative of mature years (an uncle, for example, or an old family friend). Specific content of the speech obviously depends on the relationship of the speaker to the bride, but a speech made by the bride's father will normally include the following main points:

a. how proud he and his wife are of their daughter;
b. a welcome to his new son-in-law, with perhaps the old saw about gaining a son not losing a daughter;
c. a welcome to the bridegroom's parents;
d. words of wisdom and good wishes to the newlyweds;
e. how confident he and his wife are that the couple's future together will be happy;
f. a toast to the bride and bridegroom.
2. The bridegroom will reply on behalf of his bride and himself along the following lines:
a. thanking his father-in-law for his comments;
b. thanking the bride's parents for giving him their daughter in marriage and for the wedding;
c. thanking his own parents for what they have done;
d. thanking the guests for coming and for their gifts;
e. saying how wonderful his bride is, and how fortunate he is;
f. acknowledging the invaluable help given by his best man;
g. thanking all helpers who have made the day a success;
h. expressing regret if a close family member or a close friend is unavoidably absent;
i. proposing a toast to the bridesmaids.
He may make presentations of the gifts to the attendants if he has not already done so.

3. The best man replies on behalf of the bridesmaids, expressing:
a. the thanks of the bridesmaids for the toast, adding a few complimentary remarks of his own;
b. the thanks of the bridesmaids for their presents;
c. how lucky the groom is to have won such a bride;
d. what a good chap he is anyway and it is what he deserves;
e. congratulatory wishes from a selection of telemessages and cards received;
f. the programme for the rest of the reception.

It is acceptable to group together those telemessages and cards which bear the same or similar good wishes and read the sentiment once only, adding the names of the senders.

The points given are very general ones. It is advisable for speechmakers to find out early on what aspects they will be expected to cover in their speeches, and if there are any awkward areas (e.g. family feuds, divorce or separation in the family etc.) that should be avoided.

Jokes are acceptable provided they are not 'blue' or likely to offend any guests. Aim to speak for a maximum of five minutes; you will be surprised how long five minutes can be when you are standing in front of an audience!

After the three traditional speeches other guests may wish to say a few words; perhaps the bridegroom's father and sometimes the bride. It is essential that the best man or toastmaster ascertains beforehand whether there are likely to be any other speakers so that he can call upon them before the guests relax, thinking that the speeches have finished.

The toast to the bride and groom at a bride's second marriage may still be proposed by the bride's father, but this is unusual; he is not after all giving his daughter away in marriage this time. It would more likely be proposed by a male friend. There are normally only two speeches - this one and the groom's response.

How to Say It
Once you have a draft of your speech prepared to approximately the right length, keep it with you so you can look at it from time to time, and update it as you gain any new information that you wish to include. Do not try to learn it by heart. Instead, get thoroughly familiar with it, so that you can speak it naturally, glancing at your 'script' from time to time to refresh your memory. You will need to speak a little more slowly and distinctly than normal, but never shout and, if you have a regional accent, do not try to change it.

Rehearsing in front of a mirror, taping your voice as you speak, can be very useful in boosting your self-confidence. A video of your speech will be helpful in assessing your performance and will highlight any irritating habits you are unaware of, which might annoy the guests.

Points to Remember:

Prepare your speech well beforehand. Compile it in large writing, in dark ink, or print clearly. It is useful to highlight pauses and paragraph starts in colour so you can see these at a glance.
Keep it short. Five minutes is maximum.
Do not include 'blue' jokes.
Do not refer to the honeymoon, any previous marriage or liaisons, future family or sex.
Try not to repeat yourself or over-use the same words or phrases.
Make sure you have your speech with you when you arrive at the reception.
Do not drink too much before you present your speech.
Go to the lavatory in good time before making your speech.
Speak a little more slowly and clearly than normal, and do not forget to breathe!
Do not deviate from your prepared speech. You could end up saying something you regret.

CHECKLIST: THE BRIDE
Preparations (*with the bridegroom; * *with the bride's mother)
Discuss with minister*
Church decorations
Music
Organist
Choir
Bells
Order of service
Fees
Confetti
Photographs in church
Video in church
Choose chief bridesmaid/matron of honor
Choose bridesmaids
Choose pages
Draw up guest list**
Arrange for wedding dress and accessories
Buy
Make
Hire

Arrange for outfits for bridesmaids and pages
Buy
Make
Hire
Book hairdressing appointment
Order wedding cake and arrange for delivery**
Order bouquets for self and bridesmaids and arrange for delivery**
Order sprays for bride's and groom's mothers, and buttonholes for bridegroom, bride's and groom's fathers, best man and ushers, and arrange for delivery**
Select and book photographer**
Order wedding cars for wedding party to church and to reception**
Write wedding present list
Choose wedding breakfast menu**
Choose wines**
Arrange press announcement**
Choose going-away outfit and luggage
Write thank-you letters for presents as they arrive
Pack for honeymoon
Attend rehearsal

On the day
Give gifts to bridesmaids
Take luggage and going-away outfit to reception

At the church
Arrive last on father's right arm and proceed up the aisle followed by bridesmaids
At chancel steps give bouquet and gloves to chief bridesmaid
Allow chief bridesmaid to lift veil
After service, with bridegroom follow minister to sign register
Leave church with bridegroom
After photographs, leave first with bridegroom for reception
At the reception
Greet guests with bridegroom after parents
With groom, cut cake
After reception, change into going-away outfit
Save flower from bouquet, and toss bouquet on leaving

CHECKLIST: THE BRIDEGROOM
Preparations (*with bride)
Arrange for registrar or clergy*
Choose best man
Choose ushers
Buy wedding ring*
Arrange and pay for wedding outfit
Buy
Hire
Plan, book and pay for honeymoon
Organize and pay for stag party
Arrange and pay for car from reception
Buy bridesmaids' gifts
Buy best man's gift
Write speech for reception

Pay for:
Flowers of bride and attendants
Buttonholes and sprays
Car for self and best man to church
Car for bride and self to reception
Choose going-away outfit and luggage
Pack for honeymoon
Attend rehearsal

On the day
Give gift to best man
Give money to best man for church fees
Take luggage and going-away outfit to reception
Take going-away car to reception

At the church
Arrive with best man at..............o'clock
Step up to altar when bride arrives
After service, with bride follow minister to sign register
Leave church with bride
After photographs, leave first with bride for reception

At the reception
Greet guests with bride after parents
Respond to toast 'The bride and groom'
give speech and propose toast to 'The bridesmaids'
With bride, cut cake
After reception, change into going-away outfit
Collect documents etc. from best man

CHECKLIST: THE BEST MAN
Preparations
Send formally written reply to invitation within three days of its receipt
Discuss wedding plans with bride, groom and chief bridesmaid
Help to choose ushers
Arrange for own outfit
Buy
Hire
Check that groom and ushers have organized their outfits
Explain duties to ushers
Write speech for reception and check with bride about specific people to be mentioned
Help to organize stag party
Check parking facilities at church and reception
Purchase wedding present and car decorations
Check groom has all necessary documents for wedding and honeymoon
Arrange for car to take groom and self to church
Note details of emergency taxi firms
Check routes to groom's home, to church and to the reception venue
Attend rehearsal

On the day
Check that bridegroom's luggage is ready
Check that bridegroom's change of clothes is ready
Arrange for going-away car to be parked at reception and keep keys
Have tickets and documents for honeymoon
Have cash for church fees
Keep wedding rings safe
Have documents for wedding
Collect buttonholes from bride's mother and take to church
Collect telemessages, cards and order-of-service sheets from bride's mother
Collect bridegroom at........o'clock and take to church

At the church
Ensure that ushers know duties
Hand order-of-service sheets to ushers
Make sure bridegroom, groom's father, self and ushers have buttonholes, and bride's and groom's mothers have sprays
Pay fees to minister
Wait on right of groom and hand over ring or rings at appropriate time
After service, with chief bridesmaid follow bride and groom to sign register
Take charge of groom's hat and gloves in church
Leave church with chief bridesmaid
Usher couple and principal parties to places for photographs
Make sure ushers have arranged transport for guests to reception
After photographs, see couple to car to take them to reception
Leave for reception with bridesmaids after bride and groom, or wait till last

At the reception
Join the end of the receiving line or take charge of guests' coats
Offer drinks to guests
Take charge of any late wedding presents
Collect and vet telemessages and cards
Guide guests to seating plan
Request silence for grace
Call on speakers if there is no toastmaster
Respond to toast of 'The bridesmaids', give speech, read telemessages and cards, give programme for rest of reception
Place luggage in car for honeymoon
Oversee decoration of the going-away car
Hand over documents, keys etc. for the honeymoon
See couple to car after reception
Take charge of groom's wedding outfit

After the wedding
Return wedding outfits of groom and self if hired

CHECKLIST: THE USHERS
Preparations
Arrange for own outfits
Buy
Hire At the church
Arrive at the church at.................o' clock
Collect order-of-service sheets from g best man
Conduct guests to their pews and hand out order-of-service sheets
Ensure guests have transport to reception

At the reception
Offer drinks to guests

After the wedding
Return outfits if hired

CHECKLIST: THE CHIEF BRIDESMAID (MATRON OF HONOR)
Preparations
Arrange for own outfit
Attend rehearsal

On the day
Help to dress the bride for the ceremony
Make sure bouquets are ready for bride and bridesmaids
Look after bridesmaids and pages

At the church
Assemble with bridesmaids and pages in church porch
Arrange bride's dress, veil and train for procession up the aisle
Take bride's bouquet and gloves at chancel steps
Lift bride's veil
After service, with best man follow bride and groom to sign register
Return bouquet and gloves to bride in vestry
Leave church with best man after bride and groom
After photographs, leave for reception with best man and other bridesmaids, after bride and groom

At the reception
Offer drinks to guests
Check that bride's going-away outfit is ready
Check that bride's luggage is ready
Help bride change into going-away clothes
See bride to car

After the wedding
Return bride's and own outfit if hired

CHECKLIST: THE BRIDE'S MOTHER
Preparations (**with bride)
Draw up guest list**
Arrange printing of invitations
Arrange printing of order-of-service cards
Send invitations
List acceptances received
Draw up final guest list
Prepare seating plan
Arrange wedding outfit
Buy
Make
Order bouquets for bride and bridesmaids and arrange for delivery* *
Order sprays for self and groom's mother, and buttonholes for bridegroom, bride's and groom's fathers, best man and ushers, and arrange for delivery* *
Arrange church decorations
Select and book photographer* *
Make arrangements for reception at.....................
Home
Hotel
Restaurant
Private hall

Make catering arrangements
Self
Professional caterers
Choose wedding breakfast menu* *
Choose wines**
Arrange for table decorations
Arrange accommodation for guests
Arrange for printed napkins
Arrange for printed place setting cards
Arrange for musicians/entertainment
Order wedding cars for wedding party to church and to reception
Order wedding cake and arrange for delivery* *
Buy wedding cake boxes
Arrange for neighbour to lock house after bride and father have left
Attend rehearsal

At the church
Arrive before the bride at........o' clock
After service, with groom's father follow bride's father and groom's mother to sign register
Leave church with groom's father
After photographs, leave for reception with husband after bridesmaids

At the reception
With bride's father, greet guests
When all guests have arrived, give signal for wedding breakfast to begin
Arrange display of gifts
Arrange changing room for bride
Arrange display of proof photographs
Take orders for photographs from family and guests

After the wedding
Send pieces of cake to relatives/friends who could not attend wedding
Give order to photographer
Collect and distribute photographs

CHECKLIST: THE BRIDE'S FATHER
Preparations
Arrange for wedding outfit Buy Hire
Write speech for reception Pay for (usually shared with wife):
Reception
Flowers to decorate church and reception
Wedding dress
Wedding cake
Photographer
Wedding cars
Press announcement.
Hairdressing
Invitations and order-of-service printing
Keep buttonhole at home when other sprays/ buttonholes taken to church
Attend rehearsal

At the church
Arrive last with bride on right arm and proceed up aisle
At appropriate moment, give bride's right hand to minister
After service, with groom's mother follow best man and chief bridesmaid to sign register
Leave church with groom's mother
After photographs, leave for reception with
wife after bridesmaids

At the reception
With bride's mother greet guests
Say grace if there is no minister present
When called by best man, give speech and propose toast to bride and groom
Wait until all guests have departed before leaving the reception

Wedding Etiquette: Bride, Bridegroom, Best Man, Bridesmaides and Pages, Ushers Duties (Part II)

2009-06-08T13:29:00.000-07:00

Duties of Chief Bridesmaid (or Matron of Honor)
Her initial task might be to assist the bride in her choice of wedding dress and perhaps help decide on the bridesmaids' dresses. She will assist the bride as much as possible with the wedding planning and preparations.

On the wedding day she will go to the bride's house in the morning and help her with her preparations: dressing, make-up, hair etc. She can also help any younger bridesmaids to dress and give them some last-minute instructions. The bridesmaids and pages then proceed to the church and wait at the entrance.

When the bride arrives at the church, the chief bridesmaid will arrange the bride's dress, veil and train, then follow her in procession down the aisle. She will probably then be handed the bride's bouquet for the duration of the ceremony.

After the service she will accompany the best man in the procession to the vestry for the signing of the register and may be called upon to sign as a witness. She can then return the bride's bouquet to her and, once again accompanied by the best man, follow the bride and groom from the church.

At the reception she has no specific duties, though she might assist the bride in her going-away preparations, take charge of young attendants and help to display and record gifts received.
Expenditure

Traditionally the bride pays for the bridesmaids' outfits, particularly if they are unlikely to be worn again.

The Pages
Page boys are usually between five and eight years old and make a beautiful picture with the bride. The bride arranges for their outfits. They follow the chief bridesmaid up the aisle, wait at the chancel steps and follow the chief bridesmaid and best man out of the church. They leave for the reception with the chief bridesmaid and the best man (if he does not remain behind) and hand out slices of cake at the reception.

Expenditure
As for bridesmaids, the bride generally pays for their outfits.

THE USHERS
The ushers are the best man's helpers. They are traditionally unmarried and are usually brothers or close relatives of the bride and groom.

Duties
The ushers escort the bridesmaids during the course of the day and instruct guests about rules regarding photography and confetti. They should arrive at the church early, three-quarters of an hour before the service is due to start. They are required to distribute buttonholes, greet people at the church entrance, ascertain whether they are guests of the bride or groom, then show them to their seats, handing them order-of-service sheets or prayer books at the same time. Bride's guests are seated on the left of the aisle and the groom's on the right, although if there is an extreme imbalance it is permitted to discreetly even out the numbers.

The front pews are for close family. The groom's parents sit in the second pew from the front. After the ceremony the ushers help the best man to ensure that everyone has transport to the reception. At the reception the ushers help to make the event enjoyable by looking after the guests.

Expenditure
Ushers arrange and usually pay for their own outfits if they can be worn again, but if hired, the groom generally pays.

THE BRIDE'S MOTHER
The bride's mother takes no official part in the ceremony, yet to all intents and purposes she organizes the wedding every step of the way

Duties
The whole thing starts for her with the organisation of the guest list and sending out the invitations. Bearing in mind that she and her husband are footing the bill for many of the wedding day costs, she has to compile a guest list which is fairly balanced for both bride and groom. In fact there are often two lists: one for the wedding service followed by the reception and another for guests invited to the reception only.

Booking the hall or hotel for the reception may be done by her or alternatively by the bride and groom. She will also order the wedding cake, or perhaps even make it herself, arrange for the printing of order-of-service sheets and order wedding cars for the bride and her father, the bridesmaids and, of course, herself and any other guests who require transport from her house to the church. Then she must organize the flowers: buttonholes for the guests, bouquets and decorations for the church and reception. Although the bridegroom traditionally pays for the buttonholes and bouquets for the principal players, it is better if they are all ordered together to maintain a theme of colors or varieties. She will also need to book the photographer and make the catering arrangements for the reception if it is being held in a hall rather than a hotel.

These are just the major items; there are a thousand and one other minor problems to solve and she must ensure that not too many of them cause last-minute panics which might upset the arrangements on her daughter's big day.

On the morning of the wedding, she will help her daughter get ready and attend to all the last-minute details as well as getting herself ready. If the reception is to be held at home she will have considerably more to do in preparing for the returning guests.

She travels to the church with the bridesmaids to arrive before the bride. She is the last one of the 'guests' to enter the church and is escorted to her seat by the chief usher. She sits in the front pew on the left of the aisle.

At the close of the service she joins the bridegroom's father as the wedding party proceeds to the vestry for the signing of the register. She comes out of the church, still with the bridegroom's father, then after the photographs outside the church rejoins her husband. They should be the first, after the newlyweds, to leave for the reception, where they will be first in line to greet the guests as they arrive.

She and her husband, together with the best man, are the last to leave the reception. After the reception, she is responsible for sending slices of cake to those unable to attend and organizing the photograph proofs.

Wedding Etiquette: Bride, Bridegroom, Best Man, Bridesmaides and Pages, Ushers Duties (Part I)

2009-06-08T12:13:00.000-07:00

In this post we look at the duties of the principal players at a traditional English wedding. We have based the timetable of events primarily on a Church of England wedding, but the duties involved still apply to a large extent on whether the wedding is in church, chapel, register office or approved premises and for many other faiths, including Roman Catholic and some Free Churches, although it cannot be applied to foreign nationals marrying in this country or to weddings of members of the Jewish and Quaker faiths.

The marriage ceremony occurs continuously around the country throughout the year. Naturally it becomes more popular during the summer months, especially June, which is named after the goddess Juno, the adored and faithful wife of Jupiter, who is the protector of women and marriage. Juno is said to bestow special blessings on those who wed in her month:

Married in the month of roses - June Life will be one long honeymoon.
Guests who attend weddings, turning up on the wedding day in their best outfits and bearing gifts, have little occasion to think of the preparations that have been under way for many months, and the role of the principal players who will ensure that everything goes smoothly.

There are just half a dozen of these principal players, all playing their part, large or small, and invariably everybody goes away saying what a grand day it was, and didn't the bride look lovely.

The bride is, of course, the undoubted star. It is her day. She is going to be the centre of attention for the entire day; even the groom has a secondary role, and the other players form a supporting cast.

THE BRIDE
Every bride wants to look her best on her wedding day, when she will be the centre of attention for the bridegroom and all the guests, and the feature of wedding photographs and videos.

Duties
Invariably the bride's main concern will be her wedding dress, but there are many other things that she and her mother will need to organise before the big day such as: appointing attendants (chief bridesmaid, bridesmaids and page boys); compiling the guest list; drawing up the guest/gift list and writing thank-you letters; arranging press announcements; compiling a budget; booking the ceremony and reception; ordering the cake; booking the photographer and/or video maker team; booking transport; booking the florist; arranging the 'hen night'.

The bride's main function on this, her special day, is to look beautiful. She will have the assistance of her mother and the chief bridesmaid when she is getting ready. Then, with her father or whoever is giving her away, she leaves for the church, making sure that she does not arrive early.

At the church entrance the chief bridesmaid will arrange the bride's dress, veil and train. The bride then takes her father's right arm and proceeds slowly down the aisle to where the bridegroom and best man are waiting. She then hands her bouquet to the chief bridesmaid so her hands are free for the ring to be put on. At the end of the marriage service, the bride accompanies the groom in the procession to the vestry to sign the register. The bride and groom then lead the procession out of church with the bride on the left arm of her husband.

After the photographs have been taken outside the church, the bride and groom are the first to leave for the reception, where they will shortly be joined by the bride's parents and the groom's parents. Together they form a welcoming line for the arriving guests.

At the end of the meal come the toasts and speeches, and though the bridegroom speaks on behalf of his bride and himself, the bride may wish to say a few words of her own.

At some time the bride throws her bouquet to the waiting bridesmaids, the tradition being that the one who catches it will be the next to marry. Sometimes, of course, the eager, outstretched hands belong to some of the young, unmarried guests! The moment for this ritual is either when the bride is going upstairs to change into her going-away outfit or when she is getting into the car, ready to leave in a shower of confetti.

Expenditure
Traditionally the bride's family pays for the reception; the bride's dress and attendants' outfits; transport for the bride, her father, her mother and the bridesmaids to the church, and for the bride's father and mother and bridesmaids to the reception; flowers for the church and reception; stationery; gift to the groom; hen night.

Families nowadays are more likely to make alternative financial arrangements for some of the major expenses, so although traditionally the bride's father pays for her wedding dress, she may decide that she will pay for her own dress or alternatively for the bridesmaids' dresses.

THE BRIDEGROOM
As mentioned earlier, the bridegroom has only a supporting role on the day. If his earlier decision in the choice of best man was a good one, then he will have saved himself some anxious moments on the day, as a good best man can do a great deal to help the groom throughout the day.

Duties
The groom will liaise with the bride and her mother on most issues concerning the wedding arrangements. He is directly responsible for obtaining the necessary legal documentation by applying to the minister or registrar; choosing and advising his best man; organising outfits for the principal men; organizing the honeymoon; acquiring a wedding ring; organising transport to and from the church and transport from the reception in liaison with his best man; paying for flowers for the bride and attendants, for the buttonholes and sprays; preparing and delivering a speech.

Before the wedding day the groom will decide, probably with the help of his bride-to-be, what the male dress will be. If his choice is morning suit, then the best man, ushers and fathers of the bride and groom will be required to follow suit.

As the wedding draws near many of the groom's male friends and colleagues will be keen to know when and where the stag party will be held. It is advisable, for everybody's sake - and especially the groom's - to have the celebration at least two days before the wedding, so that any after-effects have time to wear off!

The groom will have the best man in attendance on the morning of the wedding, lending him moral support and making sure he gets to the church about 20 minutes before the ceremony is due to start. Before they set off for the church the groom can give the best man the wedding ring and the wedding documents. He may also want the best man to look after other items such as tickets and passports and possibly car keys. If the bride and groom are changing into going-away clothes at the reception, the groom should have these ready to give to the best man.

Having arrived early at the church, the groom now has to endure a waiting and wondering period until the bride's arrival. After the service he accompanies the bride in the procession to the vestry to sign the register. The couple then lead the procession out of church with the bride on the left arm of her husband.

After the photographs have been taken outside the church, the bride and groom are the first to leave for the reception, where they will shortly be joined by the bride's parents and the groom's parents. Together they form a welcoming line for the arriving guests. The recognized order is:
the bride's mother and father the groom's mother and father the bride and groom The bridegroom will be called upon to reply to the toast made by the bride's father and will speak on behalf of his bride and himself. Some information on the subject of speeches will be found towards the end of this post.

Expenditure
The bridegroom's expenditure starts with the engagement ring. Today he is not expected to stand the entire cost of the stag party; everybody present pays a share. Naturally he will pay for his own outfit, whether bought or hired, and if hired he might also pay for the best man's and ushers'. He may wish to buy the best man and other attendants a small gift each as a memento of the occasion.

The bridegroom also pays church or registrar's expenses; he should hand the money to the best man on the wedding morning so he may pay the member of the clergy or verger.

Naturally the groom will pay for his bride's wedding ring and her bouquet, together with those of the bridesmaids; he will also pay for buttonholes for himself and all the principal men, and for sprays for the two mothers. He will also pay for the car to take him and the best man to the church and the car to transport him and his bride to and from the reception.
Last, but by no means least, he will pay for the honeymoon.

THE BEST MAN
In the majority of cases the best man will be either a close friend or relative of the bridegroom. His main function is to look after the groom and to lend his assistance generally to see that the big day goes without a hitch. Together, the bridegroom and best man choose the ushers, whose main role will be to show the wedding guests to their seats in the church, hand out service sheets or prayer books and help the best man make sure that everyone has transport to the reception.

Duties
The best man's main task, of course, is to get the bridegroom to the church on time, but before the wedding day itself he has several important jobs which must not be neglected. Traditionally he has to make sure that everything is in order regarding the groom's clothes, both for the wedding and his going-away clothes. The best man may be entrusted with these and have to take them to the reception if the newlyweds are leaving for their honeymoon directly from there. He may also be asked to look after the bride's suitcase. If suits are being hired it is likely that the bridegroom and best man will go to the hire shop together; if the bridegroom is in a magnanimous mood he may foot the bill for the best man's and ushers' outfits, but the best man and ushers pay for their own suits if they are not hired.

The best man's other major pre-wedding day job is to organize the stag party which, from the men's point of view, of course, is a very important event. The best man should ensure that it is not held on the eve of the wedding, just in case there are any celebratory after-effects.

On the morning of the big day, if order-of-service sheets have been printed, he has to collect them from the bride's mother and get them to the church, or perhaps delegate the job to an usher. Buttonholes for himself, the groom and the ushers could probably be collected at the same time, together with any telemessages or cards for the couple.

He then sets off for the groom's house where he will take charge of any documents, such as tickets, passports, wedding documents and, of course, the ring.

Having made sure that the groom is looking his best, the best man should get him to the church about 20 minutes before the service is due to start. During the service the best man's prime function is to produce the ring or rings at the appropriate moment. After the service he will accompany the chief bridesmaid in the procession to the vestry for the signing of the register and may be called upon to sign as a witness.

After the photographs are done, the best man has to arrange transport to the reception for all the guests. Alternatively, he may entrust this task to the ushers and accompany the bridesmaids to the reception. If the bride and groom are leaving the reception by car, the best man may have the additional task of parking the car nearby and looking after the keys.

At the reception, the best man requests silence for grace, makes a short speech, reads out a selection of telemessages and cards and tells the guests the rest of the programme for the reception. Some information on speeches will be found towards the end of this post.
If the suits were hired for the wedding the best man will no doubt have to return the bridegroom's, together with his own and possibly those of the ushers.

Expenditure
Apart from buying himself a new suit or hiring an outfit and purchasing a wedding gift for the bride and groom, the best man's expenses are relatively light. The bridegroom will provide him with the money to pay any wedding fees and any other incidental expenses.

THE BRIDESMAIDS AND PAGES
The choice of bridesmaids and pages can sometimes pose problems for the bride, not only in the number of attendants, but their respective ages. Whatever the final choice, the selection of chief bridesmaid will no doubt be decided quite early on in the proceedings. She will probably be a sister or close friend of the bride. If she is already married herself, her title is matron of honor, but her duties remain the same.

Wedding Etiquette: Wedding Preparations (Part II)

2009-06-08T09:53:00.000-07:00

2. Thank-you Letters
Although you can, if you like, ignore the need for a wedding list and perhaps even survive the resultant chaos, the same cannot be said of the need to write thank-you letters. It is so obviously discourteous and hurtful not to thank people who sent you presents that you should be especially careful not to leave anyone out. Whenever possible gifts should be delivered well before the date of the wedding itself and thank-you letters sent personally and promptly, making mention of the gift and something complimentary about its appearance and usefulness.

A methodical approach to the letters is the only answer. Whenever you receive a present, make a note of what it is, who sent it and when it arrived. Write to the person concerned as soon as possible, thanking them for the gift and put a tick against their name when the letter is in the post.

This task traditionally falls to the bride, but if the bridegroom has received any personal gifts, he should reply himself.

Displaying the Presents
It is natural for the guests to want to see the wedding presents, and a display may be arranged at the reception or in the bride's parents' home. There are certain risks involved, however. If the display is to be at an outside reception, perhaps at a big hotel, there may be a chance of some petty thieving from uninvited 'guests'. Moreover, you will be effectively advertising the contents of your future home to anyone who happens to be in the vicinity.

For that reason, it is usually safer to stage the display at a private house. The only snag is that some guests feel embarrassed to see their own relatively inexpensive presents ranged against other more valuable items. It will help if you dispense with the usual custom of using name tags to accompany the presents; if cheques have been received, you should set out cards stating simply 'cheque from ...' without divulging the amounts. The same applies to a display set up at the reception.

THE ENGAGEMENT RING
The giving of an engagement ring is an ancient custom; it is the token of the pledge the couple make and announces to others that the woman's affections are already engaged. It is always worn on the third finger of the left hand. It used to be the practice for the man to present the girl with an engagement ring if she accepted his proposal; today, as mentioned earlier, most couples choose the ring together.

THE WEDDING RING
The act of giving a wedding ring or the exchange of rings is at the heart of the church marriage service and is a part of its ritual and tradition. The wedding ring does not have to be a new one; it can be a family heirloom, an old or antique ring. Wearing the wedding ring before the ceremony is considered unlucky and there is a superstition which says it is unlucky to buy engagement and wedding rings on the same day. Even so, when buying the wedding ring it is a good idea to see if it looks well alongside the engagement ring.

You can follow fashion when choosing the wedding ring, but often a simple, traditional style proves to be the best choice, never looking old-fashioned even after many years.

It is not necessary for the bride to give the groom a gift, but a ring or some other item of jewellery often forms part of the ceremony these days.

DRESSING FOR THE OCCASION

The Bride's Dress
For a church wedding, the traditional dress is white with a train; the dress covers the bride from neck to wrists and ankles, though it may have a see-through net area from collar to bust. A veil is traditionally worn for modesty. There is no ecclesiastical objection to women marrying in trousers but most ministers (and brides) probably prefer to see a dress. Older and second-time brides are entitled to wear white if they wish, though cream is a more usual choice.

It is a custom that the bride's dress is kept a secret before the wedding for good luck.

Choosing a wedding dress that will look and feel absolutely right on the day is one of the most important (and enjoyable) decisions the bride must make during the run-up to the ceremony. The long wedding gown is still very popular and many brides marrying in a register office or on approved premises choose a traditional wedding dress, though probably without a train or long veil. White is still the main choice of color, even for some brides who are pregnant or when the bride and bridegroom have been living together before the wedding.

Wedding dresses can be hired, bought ready made or professionally made for you by a dressmaker. Alternatively, a close friend or relation may offer you the use of her wedding dress. This may be a very good proposition if the style suits you and if any necessary alterations are minimal.

The eventual choice will largely depend on the significance you attach to the dress itself and the sort of wedding you want. You may opt for a traditional white silk or lace dress with headdress and veil, or choose a different color such as cream or oyster, or a patterned dress.

Whichever kind of dress you choose, give yourself plenty of time to look around and try on different examples. You should also allow time for the dress to be altered, if necessary, or made, if you are having one specially designed.
Outfits for Women Attendants

A matron of honor is a married woman attendant; a maid of honor is an unmarried woman attendant. If there is a matron or maid of honor as well as bridesmaids, she will not wear the same dress as the younger attendants.

Dresses for the Bridesmaids
It used to be the bride's privilege to dictate entirely the style of dress worn by her bridesmaids and it was traditional that she or her family paid for them. Today they have a say in the matter and most bridesmaids at least contribute to the cost.

After consulting the bridesmaids, the bride chooses their dresses (and the pages' outfits), the main criteria being that they should complement her own wedding outfit. A dramatic contrast in color, for example, will do little to enhance the bridal procession - or the wedding photographs. It might also look a little odd if the bride appeared in a plain dress while the bridesmaids were adorned with frills and lace. Bear in mind, too, that bridesmaids vary in size, shape and coloring. You are trying to find something to suit them all, so avoid too much finery, or colors that are too strident.

Outfits for the Mothers of the Bride and Groom
In order to avoid disappointment and embarrassment, the mothers should liaise. The bride's mother has first choice.

Male Outfits
Male members of the wedding party include the bridegroom, the best man, the ushers and both fathers, all of whom should dress with the same degree of formality. When the bride wears white traditionally the groom should wear morning dress, and other male members of the wedding party should follow suit. Theoretically, all male guests ought to do likewise, although in practice it is usually only the immediate members of the family who wear this costume.

Generally, morning suits are either all grey, or consist of a black tail coat and pinstripe trousers. They look good in the wedding photographs with traditional accessories such as hats and gloves, although these can be rather a nuisance with more time spent carrying them and getting them mixed up than actually wearing them. The groom and his party are not actually required to wear their top hats, although morning dress is considered incorrect and incomplete unless hats are carried.

Morning suits may be hired or bought off the peg, or you could have one tailor-made. For the majority, however, hiring a suit will be the best answer. Remember that the summer months are the most popular for weddings and formal social functions, so reserve your suit well in advance.

The favourite alternative for most weddings is a well-cut two-or three-piece lounge suit, which will form a welcome addition to the wardrobe after the great event. The principal men should take their cue from the bridegroom when deciding what to wear; they should not outshine him on the big day.

Clothes for Guests
The invitation wording should indicate correct dress. A reception after 6 p.m. can mean evening dress. 'Black tie' means that men wear a black dinner jacket and bow tie; women wear long or evening dress.

The rule that all women in church wear hats has been relaxed, but because of tradition most will like to do so. Similarly, the convention that only those women guests who are in deep family mourning should wear black is no longer observed.
Outfits for Double Weddings

The whole bridal party should dress with the same degree of formality.

THE FLOWERS
Flowers are a very important part of every church wedding. Usually there will be bouquets or posies for the bride and bridesmaids and buttonholes for the principal men, and the church and reception area will be decorated with displays. There may also be sprays and corsages for the two mothers, and the bride may wish to wear a head-dress of fresh flowers or attach just one flower to her hair or veil.

At one time it was considered obligatory for brides to carry white bouquets, but now almost anything goes. A fairly large bouquet suits a formal long dress with a train; a neat posy complements a shorter dress. Bouquets are traditionally carried by the bride and bridesmaids.

Buttonholes are usually worn by the principal men of the wedding party who normally wear white carnations. The groom, best man and fathers sometimes have double red carnations; ushers usually have single red or white buttonholes. The men's buttonhole flowers are worn on the left.

The bouquets can be chosen from a selection of designs suggested by the florist, who will also be the best person to ask about suitable flowers for the church and reception.

If the arranging is not to be carried out professionally, the flowers may still need to be ordered several weeks in advance of the ceremony, especially if the preference is for unusual or out-of-season flowers. They should not be collected until one or two days before the wedding, when the larger displays are arranged. The bouquets, buttonholes and other dress flowers are usually delivered or collected on the morning of the wedding and the dress flowers are distributed at the church before the ceremony.

It will be necessary to get the permission of the minister to decorate the church, so arrange a time when this can be conveniently carried out. He or she may be able to suggest someone who can help in return for a small donation.

It may also be possible to combine with other couples who are getting married in the church on the same day; the minister should be able to supply names and addresses.
When choosing the flowers, remember to take into account the character and size of the church and reception areas. A large, formal display, for example, would look out of place in a small room or a country church. It is also a good idea to have a theme -of colors and/or varieties - running through from the bride's bouquet to the flowers used in the church and reception. As with the wedding dresses, aim for a sympathetic blend of color and form.

If the wedding is to take place in a register office, it may already be decorated with flowers. Check with the Superintendent Registrar. If not, you may be able to arrange for a simple display to be set up before the ceremony.

If the wedding is to take place on approved premises, the proprietor may include the provision of flowers for the register room and reception. Check with them. If not, again you may be able to organize your own displays.

THE PHOTOGRAPHS
Your wedding day will be one of the most memorable days of your life, so it is imperative that you have a beautiful set of photographs to remind you of it.
A professional photographer should be your first choice and you may find that some acquaintance who has recently married can recommend one. Otherwise try looking in the windows of local photographers and see if you can pinpoint anything in the display of their work that attracts you. Ask to see further examples of work and start comparing possible costs.

You will need to agree with the photographer beforehand any specific photographs that you would like to be taken before, during or after the ceremony. Check with the minister or with the proprietor of the approved premises as to whether he or she imposes restrictions on photography inside the church or register office/ room.
In addition to the official photographer, relatives and friends will want to take photographs, but they must not be allowed to interfere with the work of the official photographer. The best man or an usher should politely advise guests.
If the photography is entrusted to an amateur, he or she should be reimbursed for the cost of the film.

VIDEOS
If you are contemplating video coverage of your wedding, you will have to make inquiries of a number of people who offer this service. It may be financially advantageous to use the same firm to take both the still photographs and the video. Once again you will need the minister's or registrar's approval, since the video team may need to visit the church or approved premises to test not only for lighting, but for angles and sound.

THE PRESS
Even if the engagement has not been announced in a newspaper, many couples like to insert a notice (or send a card) giving the time and place of the forthcoming wedding, to appear a few days before the date, so that any casual friends and acquaintances may, if they wish, join in wishing them well at the church, register office or approved premises. Suitable wording would be:

Mr and Mrs David Smith are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter Patricia to Mr Robert Brown at 2.45 p.m. on Saturday, 27 April at All Saints' Church, Kingsgrove. All friends welcome at the church.

Newspapers usually have their own style for entries, so check in the selected one for suitable wording.

The newspaper may also publish an account of the wedding, sometimes by sending a reporter/photographer, but more often by issuing a standard form to be filled in and returned with a photograph after the wedding.

CHECKLIST: SUGGESTED WEDDING LIST
Many of these ideas can be divided into several specific suggestions, for example, glasses can be divided into the various types you would like. You may wish to specify particular colors or styles you would prefer for many items. You will also need to consider the more personal gifts you would like to add.

Kitchen	Dining room
Baking tins and trays	Decanters
Coffee percolator/cafetiere	Dinner service
Cookery book	Glassware
Crockery	Table and chairs
Cruet set	Table linen
Cutlery	Wine corker
Deep fat fryer	Wine rack
Dishwasher
Food processor	Sitting room
Freezer	Bookcase
Kettle	Furniture
Kitchen linen	Magazine rack
Kitchen tools	Standard lamp
Knives	Stereo
Microwave	Table lamp
Oven	TV
Pedal bin	Video recorder
Pressure cooker
Salad bowls	Bedroom
Sandwich toaster	Bed
Saucepans	Bed linen
Scales	Electric blanket
Storage jars and tins	Furniture
Toaster	Lamp
Trays	Mirror
Tumble dryer	Radio alarm
Washing machine
Wok
Bathroom	Lawn mower
Bath mat	Tool box
Bathroom cabinet	Tools
Bath towels	Washing line
Hand towels	Workbench
Flannels
Mirror	Miscellaneous
Paper holder	Candlesticks
Scales	Cushions
Toothbrush holder	Clocks
Towel rail	Luggage set
Waste bin	Ornaments
	Photo album
Garage, Garden and DIY	Radio
Barbecue set	Rugs
Drill	Smoke detector
Garden furniture	Sports equipment
Garden tools	Vases

CHECKLIST: THE PHOTOGRAPHS/VIDEO
Select and book photographer
Select and book video team (if different)
Obtain minister's/registrar's approval for ceremony video
Arrange programme of sequential items for video

Photographs may be requested of:
Bride's dressing table
Before leaving for the wedding
Leaving the house
The best man and groom before the ceremony
Arriving at the church/register room
Inside the church (with minister's permission)/register room
Signing the register (with minister's permission)
Leaving the church/register room
Bride and groom
Couple with parents
Couple with best man, bridesmaids and pages

Wedding Etiquette: Wedding Preparations (Part I)

2009-06-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

The announcement of your engagement is the first step in the process of getting married and marks the beginning of much careful planning and preparation for the wedding day itself.

THE TIME AND PLACE
Once you have decided on the form of ceremony you would like and when it is to take place, you should go to see the minister or registrar concerned so that the proper religious and/or legal arrangements can be made.

At the same time ensure that a suitable venue for the reception will be available on the day you have chosen; in fact, it is often necessary to book the reception before the church. After all, the church can accommodate a number of weddings on one day, but the hall or hotel is probably available for just one.

If you are going to be married in church you should discuss with the minister the details of the ceremony including the style and order of service, whether or not a choir should be present, the music to be played and the possibility of bell-ringing. Also find out about the fees (there are basic legal statutory fees, but other church costs are at the discretion of the minister), and ask if your guests will be allowed to take photos in the church and throw confetti in the church grounds. The minister will want to talk to you about the significance of a church wedding and may invite you to attend a marriage preparation course which takes a broad look at all the issues involved.

In all aspects of the marriage ceremony the minister is the expert and their advice and guidance will be well worth having.

If you have decided on a civil ceremony, however, you should go to see the local Superintendent Registrar as soon as possible. Apart from the legal formalities, you should find out how many guests can be accommodated at the ceremony, particularly if it is to be held in a register office, and whether photographs and confetti are allowed.

Most people who decide to get married in this way do so because they are divorced, want a quiet ceremony with no fuss, or because a marriage in church would conflict with their own beliefs.

LETTERS OF ANNOUNCEMENT
If there are people whom the couple would particularly like informed about their forthcoming marriage, but because of the limitations of the guest list they have not been able to invite them to the wedding, a personal letter is probably the best way to let them know the news.

PERSONAL LETTERS OF INVITATION
Before the formal invitations are sent, relatives and close friends may be informed by personal letter, the wording for which could be:

'You will be glad to hear that Patricia and Robert's wedding has been arranged for 27 April. We shall, of course, be sending you a formal invitation later, but we felt sure you would be delighted to have the news as soon as possible.'

INVITATIONS
Invitations are traditionally from and sent out by the bride's parents as they generally host the occasion (indicating their responsibility for payment of the reception), but if the wedding is being hosted by anyone else, such as the bride and groom themselves,they should take on this task.

The invitations should be sent out well in advance of the date set for the wedding; six to eight weeks is about right. They should be sent out simultaneously, as prospective guests do not like to assume that they are second choice!

The list of guests is usually drawn up by the bride and her mother in consultation with the bridegroom and his parents. The engagement list will serve as a useful guide, although there are sure to be some omissions and additions. Although the best man and attendants will already have been consulted they must also receive invitations to which they should reply formally and promptly. Similarly, the groom's parents should also receive an official invitation. It is courteous to invite the minister to the reception.

The invitations are normally composed in the third person and sent from the bride's parents. Traditionally the invitation is addressed to the wife of the couple or family. The wording on the invitation of those invited can be formal (Mr and Mrs Alan Smith) or less formal (Alan and Ruth Smith) or informal (Alan and Ruth) depending on the formality of the wedding and the relationship with those invited. If there is to be a disco or dance after the reception this should be included, with an indication of suitable dress, S in the bottom right-hand corner of the invitation.
The bride's surname is not normally included but it can be appropriate if it differs from that of the host and hostess. The most popular wording is:

Mr and Mrs David Smith request the pleasure of the company of
(write the name of the guest(s))
at the marriage of their daughter Patricia to
Mr Robert Brown at All Saints' Church
Kingsgrove on Saturday, 27 April at 2.45 p.m. and afterwards at a reception at The Bell Inn, Kingsgrove
RSVP
21 Firhill Lane
Kingsgrove
Kent

For those guests who are being invited to the reception only, you will need evening cards with wording such as:

Mr and Mrs David Smith request the pleasure of the company of
at an Evening Reception
to be held at The Bell Inn, Kingsgrove on Saturday, 27 April at 7 p.m.
to celebrate the marriage of their daughter Patricia to Robert Brown
RSVP
21 Firhill Lane
Kingsgrove
Kent

If the number of guests is quite small, the invitations may be written by hand on suitable and attractive stationery. More often, however, they are printed. Visit a stationer's and have a look at the range of cards and styles of lettering that are available. Black is the traditional color for the lettering. If you want to order reply cards, order-of-service sheets or cake boxes, you can do this at the same time.
When two daughters of the same couple are to be married at the same ceremony, the elder daughter of the two brides is mentioned first.

In the case of a daughter and a niece or god-daughter, the daughter is mentioned first as she is closest in relationship to the host and hostess.
Where two couples are themselves acting as hosts and hostesses, the elder couple is mentioned first.

If the occasion is a second wedding for one or both of the partners - especially after divorce - it is likely to be a much less formal affair. The bride and groom will probably host the wedding and send out invitations with less formal wording such as:

Patricia Smith and Robert Brown invite you to their wedding at All Saints' Church, Kingsgrove, on Saturday, 27 April at 2.45 p.m. and afterwards to a reception at The Bell Inn, Kingsgrove.

In the unfortunate event of a family bereavement or severe illness you will probably want to postpone the wedding, and notices will have to be sent to all those invited to attend. A plain statement of the facts is quite sufficient, with notice of the new date for the wedding, if one has been arranged:

Owing to the recent death (illness') of Mr David Smith, the wedding between Patricia Smith and Mr Robert Brown at All Saints' Church, Kingsgrove, at 2.45 p.m. on Saturday, 27 April, has been postponed to 4 p.m. on Friday, 30 May.
Formal replies to invitations should be sent promptly (within three days of receiving the invitation) and are also traditionally drawn up in the third person.

The following is the usual wording:
Mr and Mrs John Clémence thank Mr and Mrs David Smith for their kind invitation to their daughter's wedding and to the reception and will be most happy to attend.
However, when the guests are very close friends of the host and hostess, a brief, informal thank-you note is acceptable.

WEDDING PRESENTS
Traditionally, relatives send a gift whether or not they attend on the day. Guests attending the ceremony and the reception are expected to donate a gift. A friend need not give a gift if the invitation has been declined and there is no need to send a gift if invited to the ceremony only. Gifts should be sent to the bride at her parents' home before the wedding; if sent afterwards, they should be addressed to both the bride and groom at their home. It is good manners to invite gift donors to the ceremony and usually, though not necessarily, to the reception.

It should be remembered that a wedding guest has no obligation to send the bridal couple a wedding gift, nor should the bride's mother feel that every gift donor should be 'rewarded' with an invitation to the wedding. In practice, however, most guests do send a gift and most donors do get invited to the wedding party. It is in order to send the gift as soon as news of the impending wedding is received.

The business of giving or receiving wedding presents is always a little daunting - to both sides. Visions of dozens of toasters and electric kettles loom before the eyes of the engaged couple, while the guests are naturally concerned that their carefully chosen gifts should be received with the proper appreciation.

Even the best-laid plans go wrong sometimes, but there are some practical steps you can take to ensure that this particular wedding custom turns out happily (as far as possible) for all concerned.

There are really only two rules for the bride to remember:

1. Have a wedding-present list prepared for anyone who wishes to consult it. You should, of course, wait to be asked to submit the list rather than send it automatically with invitations or other wedding correspondence.
2. Be sure to write thank-you letters to everyone who sends you a present.

1. The Wedding List
Once you have compiled a list of the presents that you would like, you should make a number of copies and let people have one when they ask. Ask them, when they have bought their present, to return the list with the item they have bought crossed off. The list can then be handed to somebody else. Although this method is not guaranteed to avoid duplication it is probably bettered only by employing the services of a large store: you compile your list from the items in the store, guests then ring the store, make their purchase and the store adjusts the list. This method has obvious drawbacks but may be worth considering.

The list itself should contain a good number of inexpensive as well as expensive presents, and should run to more items than you actually expect to receive. This avoids the possibility of the last guest to see the list being left to buy the television set!

Traditionally, bed linen for the bridal couple's new home was given by her parents as part of the bride's trousseau. Traditional gifts for the home such as linen, china, glass, cutlery and home accessories are still popular as both the bride and groom benefit, but for the couple who already have these items less traditional gifts are acceptable, if they can be enjoyed by both partners. More expensive gifts such as carpets and furniture are usually reserved for very close relatives or groups of friends banding together to share the cost.

There is, however, no reason why you should think only in terms of fitting out the home. Books, pocket calculators, compact discs or sports equipment may be more useful to you and more urgently required. So do consider what your real needs are before finally drawing up the list.

It used to be considered bad form for anyone other than close family to give money, but today this is not the case. When writing to say thank you it is polite to say how the money will be spent.

It is traditional for members of the wedding party to exchange lasting mementos. The bride and groom exchange gifts, the bride's parents give a gift to the groom, the groom's parents give a gift to the bride, and the groom gives a gift to the best man, the ushers, the bridesmaids and page boys. The bride and groom give a gift to their mothers.