Long Distance Wedding: Setting the Date, Most Popular Months For Wedding By State

Determine which months are popular.

For destination weddings, this process is relatively simple. A tour company or travel agent can usually tell you the high and low seasons for a specific location. Generally, tropical sites (the Caribbean, Hawaii, and so on) are busiest from mid-December to mid-April. Hence, the hotel rates are highest then, with Christmas, February, and March especially on the expensive side.
Meanwhile, bargains can be had in off-r months such as May through November. Interestingly, the weather often has little to do with a month's popularity in some tropical spots. For example, in Hawaii, the time of the year with the most rain is right near Christmas, yet this is the highest of high tourist times. The rainy season in the Caribbean is generally in the fall, although the rain isn't so extreme as to ruin your honeymoon. The bottom line: do some research on the site (the back of this book has some helpful tips for certain sites plus references for travel resources).
While the weather may not matter much in the tropics, it certainly affects the popularity of nuptials here in the United States. As you can see from the following chart, the most (and least) popular months for weddings can vary gready by region. Climate and religious influences seem to affect which months are busiest. Despite the many differences, there are a few common points. With the exception of Hawaii, every state reports June in its top three. Conversely, January is always among the least popular months. Of course, wedding merchants still have to pay their mortgages during those slow months, and as a result, many are willing to offer discounts during such times.
The chart on the next two pages gives you the low-down, state-by-state.

MOST /LEAST POPULAR MONTHS FOR WEDDINGS BY STATE

	STATE	Most Popular Months	Least Popular Months
	NEW ENGLAND:
	Maine	July, August, June	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	New Hampshire	July, August, June	Feb., Mar., Jan.
	Vermont	July, August, June	Mar., Feb., Jan.
	Massachusetts	June, Oct., Sept.	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Rhode Island	Sept., June, Oct.	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Connecticut	June, Oct., Sept.	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	MIDDLE ATLANTIC:
	New York	June, August, July	Feb., Jan., Mar.
	New Jersey	Oct., June, May	Feb., Jan., Mar.
	Pennsylvania	June, Oct, Sept.	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	EAST NORTH CENTRAL:
	Ohio	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Indiana	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Illinois	June, August, Sept.	Feb., Jan., April
	Michigan	August, June, July	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Wisconsin	June, August, July	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	WEST NORTH CENTRAL:
	Minnesota	June, August, Sept.	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Iowa	June, August, July	Jan., Feb., Mai-.
	Missouri	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	North Dakota	June, July, August	Jan., Mar., Feb.
	South Dakota	June, August, July	Feb., Jan., Mar.
	Nebraska	June, August, July	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Kansas	June, July, May	Feb., Jan., Mar.
	SOUTH ATLANTIC:
	Delaware	June, May, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Maryland	June, May, July	Feb., Jan., Mar.
	Wash. D.C.	June, Sept., August	Feb., Mar., Jan.
	Virginia	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	West Virginia	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	North Carolina	June, July, August	Jan., Mar., Feb.
	South Carolina	July, June, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Georgia	June, July, December Jan., Feb., Mar.
	Florida	December, June, July Jan., Nov., Feb.
STATE	Most Popular Months	Least Popular Months
EAST SOUTH CENTRAL:
Kentucky	June July, May	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Tennessee	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Alabama	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Mississippi	June, July, December	Jan., Feb., Mar.
WEST SOUTH CENTRAL:
Arkansas	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Oct.
Louisiana	June, July, December	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Oklahoma	June, May, August	Jan., Oct., Nov.
Texas	June, July, September	Jan., Feb., Nov.
MOUNTAIN:
Montana	June, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Idaho	August, July, June	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Wyoming	August, June, July	Jan., Mar., Feb.
Colorado	June, August, September Jan., April, Feb.
New Mexico	May, June, August	Jan., Nov., Oct.
Arizona	June, May, December	Feb., Oct., Jan.
Utah	August, June, September Jan., Feb., April
Nevada	July, June, April	Jan., Feb., Mar.
PACIFIC:
Washington	August, June, July	Jan., Feb., Nov.
Oregon	August, June, July	Jan., Feb., Nov.
California	June, August, September	Jan., Feb., Mar.
Alaska	August, July, June	Jan., Mar., Nov.
Hawaii	December, July, August	Jan., Feb., Mar.
US (TOTAL)	June, August, July	Jan., Feb., Mar.

Note: Months are listed in order of popularity. For example, "July, August, June" means that July is the #1 month, followed by August, then June. The least popular month is listed first, followed by the second least popular and so on.
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources

In New England, it is interesting to note that differences even occur within the region. In northern New England, for example, July appears to be most popular, followed by August and finally June. Southern New England must have an affinity for fall weddings, since October and September show up in the top #3—beating out the traditional summer months. In Rhode Island, for example, September weddings outnumber June affairs. Perhaps this is due to the number of churches in New England that do not have air conditioning, making summer nuptials less attractive.
This trend continues further down the coast, with New Jersey and Pennsylvania reporting October as a top-three month. New York, however, appears more traditional with summer months capturing the top spots.

Further to the west in the Midwest and Great Plains, traditional June/summer weddings seem to reign unchallenged. The only exceptions may be Minnesota and Illinois, which report September as one of the top months. Kansas is the only state in the Great Plains to cite May as a popular bridal time.

In the mid-Atlantic, we note that May also is popular with Delaware and Maryland couples. As you travel further south, something funny happens. The big popularity of Christmas weddings make December busy in states like Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Florida. In fact, December is the #1 month for nuptials in Florida—no doubt many brides and grooms bring down their relatives from cold northern climates to combine a vacation and wedding in the sunshine state.

While December is hot, so to speak, in the south, it's neighboring month November is much less popular. In Texas and Oklahoma, early spring warmth in March probably explains why that month's- weddings-outnumber November—a change from the rest of the United States.

Out in the mountain states, it's definitely a mixed bag. Dry August weather probably contributes to that month's popularity in Idaho, Utah, and Wyoming. Late spring snow storms seems to have discouraged brides in Colorado and Utah from considering April for weddings. On the other hand, this might be good news for brides interested in planning a spring destination wedding/ski honeymoon in the Rockies.
The Desert Southwest is a prime example of how weddings are affected by the weather. Most weddings in Arizona are spread out rather evenly throughout the year. December is a popular month to tie the knot, while October and February are not. In New Mexico, fall weddings also appear out, while late spring nuptials in May are in.
In the Pacific Northwest, soggy June weather makes that month less popular. Instead, August is tops in Washington and Oregon. California has more traditional June weddings, although September nuptials appear to be strong.

Pick an off day of the week or time of day.

If you still want to get married in a peak bridal month but you'd like to save money, choosing an off day of the week like Friday night or Sunday can be a good.strategy for long-distance brides. Also, a morning or afternoon wedding on Saturday may offer some of the same advantages.

Many services offer discounts for non-Saturday night weddings and receptions. Another advantage is that you have less competition for the best businesses, churches and reception sites if you pick off days of the week or times of the day.

Eighty percent of all weddings occur on Saturdays. Occasionally, you may run up against religious restrictions for certain times. Jews cannot marry on the Sab-bath (sundown Friday to sundown Saturday). In Oklahoma, many churches prohibit Saturday night weddings, making Friday night and Saturday afternoon the most popular times to wed. (One bride explained this to us by noting that most churches want to make sure the church is clean for Sunday services.)

The choice of a wedding day is fraught with different challenges for destination brides. For example, you can get married any day of the week in Hawaii—but the marriage license bureau is only open Monday through Friday. Hence, if you arrive on a Saturday, you can't get married on a Sunday since you won't be able to get a license until Monday. Similarly, some states and countries have waiting periods and residency requirements.

Avoid holidays.

Granted, holiday weekends (Labor Day, Memorial Day, Christmas, etc.) may seem convenient to you, but they're just as convenient for thousands of other brides. Again, the key is to avoid competition, so unless you absolutely must plan your wedding on a holiday due to time constraints, stay away from them.

Plan far enough in advance.

Whether you choose a slower time of the year (or the week) or a popular holiday date, planning well in advance is imperative. This gives you time to shop around, collect bids and evaluate packages and businesses. If you plan to visit your wedding location, advance planning will help you avoid a waste of your precious time and money.

In the high season, brides planning a destination wedding should leave a good six months to line up the details. While slower times of the year may require less planning (say, three months), the choice wedding/honeymoon sites book up quickly. Long-distance brides need more time to pull together the event, especially if there are one hundred or more guests expected. In major metropolitan areas, planning twelve to eighteen months in advance for a June wedding is not unrealistic. In smaller metro areas, leaving nine to eleven months of preparation time for the peak wedding season is preferable. Slower times of the year require slightly less advance planning—in major cities, six to nine months and in small towns, four to six months.
What if you don't have that much time? Don't despair. Some hustiing and help from friends and family may be able to get the job done. However, you may have to make compromises to accommodate the short time frame. For example, you may have your heart set on marrying in a restored mansion, but by the time you contact the appropriate sites, they may all be booked and you'll have to settle for an alternative plan. Flexibility is the key in setting a date for your wedding.
Theoretically, a destination wedding could be planned on a moment's notice. If there are two seats available, the airlines would love to fly you to Jamaica with one day's notice. That's because you're going to pay a zillion dollars for the privilege. Of course, the best fares require twenty-one or thirty-day advance purchase. In addition, you may need more time (filing periods, document translations) to get a marriage license in some countries.

The bottom line: whether you are planning a wedding in your hometown or in some exotic tropical location, it's best to leave several months to plan.

Wedding Etiquette: Wedding Anniversaries

Most people like to celebrate wedding anniversaries with presents and perhaps have an evening out at a favorite restaurant or theater.

Traditionally, certain materials are associated with individual years in the course of a marriage, the idea being that anniversary presents in those years should be made out of those particular materials. So, if you want to uphold the custom - flowers and boxes of chocolates notwithstanding - the list below gives the materials generally associated with each year. They do vary slightly, however; paper is sometimes given for the first year, leather for the twelfth, ivory for the fourteenth, wool for the fortieth, and silk for the forty-fifth.

Anniversary Wedding
First Cotton or Paper
Second Paper
Third Leather
Fourth Silk or Flowers
Fifth Wood
Sixth Sugar
Seventh Wool or Copper
Eighth Bronze
Ninth Pottery
Tenth Tin
Eleventh Steel
Twelfth Silk and Fine Linen or Leather
Thirteenth Lace
Fourteenth Ivory
Fifteenth Crystal
Twentieth China
Twenty-fifth Silver
Thirtieth Pearl
Thirty-fifth Coral
Fortieth Ruby
Forty-fifth Sapphire
Fiftieth Gold
Fifty-fifth Emerald
Sixtieth Diamond
Seventieth Platinum
Seventy-fifth Diamond

Wedding Etiquette: Wedding Superstitions, Lucky Dates For Weddings

Most of us like to play the superstition game at one time or another and weddings, in particular, come in for a whole: range of sayings and warnings - which are fun if you take them with a pinch of salt! When it comes to deciding on the date it is considered unlucky to marry on your birthday; however, it is considered particularly lucky if husband and wife share the same birthday although they must be a year or two apart.

The Bride
There are many sayings related to the bride. The need for her to wear 'something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue' at the wedding is well known. It is generally considered unlucky for the bride to make her own dress - even professional dressmakers rarely do - and it is even more unlucky to try on the full bridal array too soon, especially if she sees herself in full-length mirror. She can, of course, leave off a glove or a shoe out of respect for the old tradition!

Did you know that an old veil is thought to be luckier than new one? This is particularly true if borrowed from a woman who is happily married, or if it is an heirloom from the brides family. The good fortune and/or fertility of the earlier marriages pass with the veil to its new wearer.

The colour of the bride's dress is supposed to be a faithful portent of the future:
White is a symbol of purity and virtues.
Green typifies youth, hope and happiness.
Red is a sign of vigour, courage and great
passion. (There may be a touch of jealousy, however.)
Violet denotes dignity, pride and high ideals.

The wedding procession is not overlooked. The bride must leave her home by the front door with her right foot foremost. It is considered lucky if the sun shines, if she sees a rainbow on the way, or meets a black cat or a chimney sweep 'in his blacks'.
The modern custom of sending a piece of wedding cake to friends and relatives not present at the reception has its roots in a desire for them to share its luck-bringing properties. One old saying advises the bride to keep a piece of the cake; if she does her husband will be faithful to her.

The following dates are reckoned to be especially lucky for weddings:
January 2 4 11 19 21
February 1 3 10 19 21
March 3 5 12 20 23
April 2 4 12 20 22
May 2 4 12 20 23
June 1 3 11 19 21
July 1 3 12 19 21
August 2 11 18 20 31
September 1 9 16 18 28
October 15 18 27 29
November 5 11 13 22 25
December 1 8 10 19 23


Other superstitions about the wedding day are of a more general nature.

• 'Happy the bride whom the sun shines on' may be a well-known saying. But did you know that one thing said to guard against rain is to feed your cat on the morning of the wedding? (If you're getting married in Germany, however, steer clear of cats. Each drop of rain is looked upon as a blessing on the marriage.)
• It is a good sign if the bride is woken on the day by the song of a bird, and also if she discovers a spider in the folds of her dress!
• It is bad luck to break anything - especially a mirror - on the wedding morning, or to lose the heel of a shoe.
• With each glance in the mirror, the bride is supposed to add something to her make-up or clothing, even if it is only, -a pair of gloves.
• It is bad luck for the couple to meet in the morning before the wedding, but good luck if they smile at each other when they meet in the church.
• A bride is not supposed to weep before the marriage but she may do so as much as she likes afterwards this pros^es that she is not a witch, who could shed only three tears ; from her left eye.
• If the bride sees a lamb, a dove, a spider, a toad or black cat on her way to the church it is a sign of good luck but it is reckoned a very bad sign if she encounters a funeral party or if a pig crosses the road in front of the wedding car

The Bridegroom
Rather fewer superstitions surround the conduct of the bridegroom on his wedding day.
All will be well as long as he does not see his bride in her wedding dress before he meets her in the church, and does not drop the ring before putting it on her finger. If she has to help him in this, he may expect to be ruled by her in the future. It is also considered unlucky to buy the engagement and wedding rings on the same day.

The bridegroom should pay the church fees (through the best man) with an odd sum of money, carry a small mascot in his pocket and on no account turn back.for anything after leaving for the church.

After the honeymoon, the husband should carry his wife over the threshold of their new home. When this is done, both will be rewarded with all the good fortune they could wish for.

The Bridesmaids
Finally, for the bridesmaids, there is one very well known saying: 'Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride'.

Wedding Etiquette: Honeymoon

If the wedding ceremony and reception need careful thought and planning, so does the first trip that the bride and bridegroom will take together as a married couple. Most people will want to have a honeymoon, and the tradition of beginning the honeymoon;: immediately after the wedding is still followed by many couples^ today.
Apart from the question of cost, the most important factor is to take a honeymoon which will appeal to both of you. A honeymoon in which the interests of one partner are followed while the other trails along with little enthusiasm is hardly the best way to start married life. So there should be a discussion well before .the wedding; read through the brochures together, and book the holiday well in advance.

When thinking about where to go for the honeymoon remember to take into account the date of the wedding. If you are getting married in the winter months, and you want sun, you will have to pay for it. Alternatively, you could opt for a honeymoon in a city, such as London or Paris, where the attractions are not so dependent on the weather.

Do not be shy about admitting your new status some travel firms offer honeymoon trips complete with free "champagne and four-poster beds, and hotels will often make a special effort to see that the honeymoon stay is as enjoyable as possible
Honeymoons abroad also mean you have to cheek on passports, travel tickets, travellers' cheques, hotel reservations foreign currency and medical insurance, as well as any inoculation that may be required. Do not leave it all to the last minute You will have enough to do in the run-up to the wedding without worrying about the possible after-effects of an injection against cholera!

Finally, do not be too surprised if the honeymoon does not live up to all your expectations. The first few weeks of marriage are rarely without their problems. Two adults who have already developed personalities and ways of their own have to learn to adjust to one another. Relax, take things as they come, and you will soon find yourself looking back with affection on what will almost certainly be one of the most memorable holidays of your life.

Wedding Etiquette: Marriage Ceremony (Part II)

ROMAN CATHOLIC WEDDINGS
As with all marriages outside the Church of England, the couple must give notice of their intention to marry to the local Superintendent Registrar (or registrars if they live in different districts). Often the priest or one of his parishioners will be authorized to register the marriage, in which case the registrar is not required to be present at the wedding.

The marriage ceremony may be conducted during Mass (called a Nuptial Mass) or outside Mass, usually when one of the couple is not a Roman Catholic. However, the rite of marriage is the same in either case.

The priest first addresses the bride and bridegroom on the significance of marriage within the Church: it is regarded as a sacrament which will 'enrich and strengthen' them so that the union will be one of 'mutual and lasting fidelity'.

The couple have to declare no lawful impediment to marriage; they promise to be faithful to each other and to accept that they bring up children within the Roman Catholic faith. The priest invites them to declare their consent to marry 'according to the rite of our Holy Mother the Church', to which each replies 'I will'.

Right hands joined, the couple then call upon the congregation to witness the marriage, and make their vows: 'to have and to hold from this day forward ... till death do us part'.

The priest confirms them in marriage and the rings are blessed and exchanged - or only one may be given - using the following words:

'I (Christian name only) take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.'

JEWISH WEDDINGS
When Jewish people marry, they are required to give notice to the registrar, but the marriage may be solemnized in a synagogue or private house. When a synagogue or house is used, the secretary of the synagogue to which the man belongs must take down the necessary particulars.

The ceremony, when held in a synagogue, varies in the form it takes. The bride and bridegroom stand under a canopy - a chuppah - which is a reminder of the time when the Israelites were forced to live in tents. The couple's parents join in the ceremony by standing under the canopy with them and supporting them. Behind are their relations and friends. The best man stands behind and to the left of the bridegroom.

The rabbi delivers a short address to the couple. Then the bridegroom turns to the bride, who stands to his right, and before placing the ring on her finger, says, 'Behold, thou art consecrated unto me by this ring, according to the law of Moses and of Israel.' The bride should wear no other rings or jewellery, not even her engagement ring.

The next step is the reading and signing of the Hebrew marriage contract. The man promises to be a true and faithful husband, and to protect, support, love, honor and cherish his bride. She promises to be true and faithful and to love, honor and cherish him.

Following the vows, the Seven Benedictions are recited and the couple drink wine, twice from the same vessel; then the bridegroom dashes the glass to the ground. Drinking the wine reminds the couple that they are required to share each other's pleasures and halve each other's troubles. The broken glass symbolizes the weakness of marriage without love.

Before the ceremony is concluded, the following covenant is signed:
'On the ... day of the week, the ... day of the month of... in the year ... corresponding to the ... of... the holy covenant of marriage was entered into, in between the bridegroom, and his bride, ...

'The said bridegroom made the following declaration to his bride: "Be thou my wife according to the Law of Moses and of Israel. I faithfully promise that I will be a true husband unto thee. I will honor and cherish thee; I will work for thee; I will protect and support thee; and will provide all that is necessary for thy due sustenance, even as it beseemeth a Jewish husband to do. I also take upon myself all such further obligations for thy maintenance during thy lifetime as are prescribed by our religious statutes".

'And the said bride plighted her troth unto him, in affection and with sincerity,, and has thus taken upon herself the fulfillment of all the duties incumbent upon a Jewish wife.
'This covenant of marriage was duly executed and witnessed this day according to the usage of Israel'.

QUAKER WEDDINGS
When a Society of Friends wedding is to take place, the arrangements come under the care of the Society's registering officer for the area concerned.

It should be noted that besides giving notice to the registering officer, notice must also be given to the local Superintendent Registrar in the usual way.

The Society's registering officer will ensure that the Quaker regulations are followed and that, if they are satisfactorily completed, the meeting for worship to solemnise the marriage is duly approved.

At the ceremony, the usual custom is for the bride and bridegroom to sit surrounded by their relations and friends, and then for the two to stand at a moment when they feel it is right. Holding hands, the man makes the following declaration:

'Friends, I take this my friend, to be my wife, promising through divine assistance, to be unto her a loving and faithful husband so long as we both on earth shall live.'

The bride makes a similar declaration. A certificate is then signed by the couple and two witnesses, stating that the couple made the necessary declarations, that they fulfilled the legal obligations and were duly married. All those present are invited to sign the certificate after the meeting is over. No ring need appear at the ceremony, but sometimes one ring is given or rings may be exchanged after the declaration.

WEDDINGS ABROAD
A fairly recent innovation is to travel abroad to get wed. There are travel companies who will arrange the whole package deal for you. The favorite destinations are some of the islands of the West Indies, the Seychelles, Mauritius and Mexico. It could be seen as traveling to your honeymoon destination first, then getting married.

Some couples may take members of their family or friends with them, but if they arrive alone the travel companies may organize a best man and bridesmaids, in addition to all the legal arrangements, hotel and travel, and 'extras' such as flowers, wedding cake, reception and video of the ceremony.

If the idea of marrying abroad appeals to you, but you would prefer to make the arrangements yourself, you should be especially careful. The problems you might encounter are numerous and will involve you in a great deal of correspondence with the various authorities.

THE RECEPTION
After the wedding ceremony comes the reception and in the case of the traditional English wedding this follows a certain pattern. It may be a very large reception with hundreds of guests or a small, informal gathering, but in either case there is a very similar pattern to the proceedings.

The first decision regarding the reception, which needs to.be made some months in advance of the wedding, is where the reception should be held: hall, hotel or house. With a large number^of guests, the choice is between hall and hotel, and m either case an. early booking will be necessary. An average size house can prob-r ably accommodate only 30 or 40 guests, but there is an attractive alternative if the house has a large garden. It is possible to hare marquees which can be set up a few days beforehand and which contain all the necessary fittings such as lights and wooden or mat flooring.

A decision about the catering arrangements will probably be made at the same time as the choice of venue is decided Naturally a reception held in a hotel will mean that the hotel will arrange everything at an inclusive charge per guest. It will also provide rooms in which the bride and groom will be able to change their clothes during the reception.

Unless some members of the family are particularly adept at catering, it is probably wise to call in specialist caterers, whether the reception is in a hall or a private house. It might seem feasible to lay on a tasty spread for 30 or so guests in a small, informal gathering at home, but with a hundred and one other things to think of on the big day, the professional touch can often-be- worth the extra cost. A booking in a local hall no doubt provides the most options: outside caterers or do-it-yourself, sit-down meal or buffet. What the hall might not have is a suitable room in which the bride and groom can change into their going-away outfits, so a suitable arrangement will need to be made.

A Formal Reception
A formal or semi-formal reception will have a receiving line to welcome the guests. This usually consists of the bride's mother and father, the bridegroom's mother and father and the bride and bridegroom themselves - in that order. This applies whether or not either set of parents is divorced. New partners are not normally included in the receiving line. The best man is not always included as he is usually the last to leave church, but if he does arrive in time he should be included after the groom.

Each guest is greeted by name or by politely asking their name. The bride and groom introduce each other to the guests when necessary or convenient. Generally it is sufficient for each guest to identify themselves to the first in the line. This is the traditional way, but today receiving lines tend to be more spontaneous and faster moving. If a large number of guests has been invited and you want to speed up proceedings, the bride and bridegroom can do the receiving on their own.

On entering, the guests are usually presented with a glass of wine or an aperitif, and when the last guest has been received everyone looks at the seating plan to find out where they are placed. The toastmaster (or best man) guides the guests to their seats. The processional order is: bride and groom, bride's father with groom's mother, bride's mother with groom's father, chief bridesmaid (with best man if he is available), bridesmaids, page boys, ushers, then guests. Sometimes seating arrangements are left to the guests to make their own choices. If there are separate bar and dining areas, early arrivals can wait comfortably in the bar until everyone is assembled.

Seating arrangements vary according to the number of guests and the layout of the tables. For a formal reception, however, there will be a 'top table' for the principal members of the wedding party and the attendants (see Checklist 6.1). Since it is an honor to sit at the top table, be careful not to hurt anyone's feelings by including a guest who is not also a member of the wedding party. An aunt who has flown in from Australia for the wedding may, however, be classed as an exception!

The bride and the two mothers usually work out how best to seat the other guests. If there are complications due to a parental divorce, seating arrangements at the top table should be discussed with all the parties concerned. Depending on how co-operative they are likely to be, there should be no problem in finding everyone a place. You will probably want to aim at some interchanging between the families, but not so much that no one knows what to say to each other.

If traditional arrangements seem inappropriate the solution may be to have a room full of separate tables: this can create a much more relaxed and successful atmosphere as long as the guests are grouped tactfully with a good mix of men and women.

If the bride's parents are divorced and she has been brought up by her mother and a stepfather, he may be asked to make the first speech and propose the main toast. However, the exact arrangements will vary according to the individual circumstances and should be discussed and agreed beforehand.

The most important thing is that personal feelings about ex-partners do not get out of hand and interfere with the success of the wedding. If the situation is handled with dignity and understanding, there is no reason why they should.

If a minister is present they must be invited to say grace and should have been approached in advance. If there is no minister present, grace may be said by the bride's father, for which the best man or toastmaster requests silence. The bride and. groom are the first to be served or to serve themselves.
After the last course is over (or alternatively, about halfway through proceedings), the cake-cutting ceremony and the toasts and speeches take place.

If there is no official toastmaster present, the best man introduces the speakers.
The first to speak is the bride's father who stands and says a few words before proposing the main toast: 'Health and happiness to the bride and bridegroom.' The bridegroom responds briefly, thanking the bride's parents and the guests, and ends by proposing a toast to the health of the bridesmaids. The best man follows by replying for the bridesmaids and reading out the congratulatory telemessages and cards. The bride may also elect to say a few words.

All the speeches should be kept short and informal. If they can be witty without being offensive, so much the better. However, a sincere approach often goes down just as well, so if you have any doubts about your abilities as a humorist, it is best to avoid jokes!

The cake should have been ordered some weeks before and delivered to the reception on the day of the wedding. Icing on a traditional wedding cake can be very thick so it will help if this is already cut through. The bride holds the knife in her right hand, with the bridegroom's right hand on hers, and her left hand on top. After the first slice has been successfully dealt with, the cake can be taken away and cut into smaller pieces for the guests to eat with their coffee. You may wish to rescue the top tier to keep for a christening. Use cake boxes to send pieces of the cake to people who could not attend the wedding.

If there is to be dancing, the bride and bridegroom will be first on to the floor, followed by the chief bridesmaid and the best man, then the parents of the bride and groom and members of the two families.

After a while spent chatting to the guests, the couple slip away to change into their going-away clothes, returning for a few minutes to say their final goodbyes before going on honeymoon. Traditionally, just before they leave, the bride tosses her bouquet to a bridesmaid or a young female guest who, tradition has it, will be the next in line for marriage.

At the end of the reception the best man collects the groom's clothes and checks that nothing has been left behind by male guests. He ensures that the wedding cards and any messages are returned to the bride's mother. The host, hostess and best man are the last to leave.

CHECKLIST: SEATING PLACES AT THE RECEPTION




Variations on the seating may be made, although the top table is usually reserved for the wedding party.. Alternating the sexes is usual. The families can be mixed

CHECKLIST: AT THE RECEPTION
As the guests arrive they should be greeted by:
The bride's mother and father
The groom's mother and father
The bride and groom
Attendants and ushers should offer drinks and chat pleasantly
The best man guides guests to the seating plan
The hostess (the bride's mother) should give the signal for the wedding breakfast to begin
If champagne is used for toasts only, it should be left until after the meal and served just before the speeches begin
The best man or toastmaster requests silence for grace
The minister or the bride's father says grace
After the meal, the best man or the toastmaster calls upon the bride's father to speak
The bride's father gives a speech and proposes the toast to 'The bride and groom'
The bridegroom responds, gives a speech and proposes a toast to 'The bridesmaids'

THE RECEPTION
The best man responds on behalf of the bridesmaids, gives a speech, reads out a selection of telemessages and cards and gives the programme for the rest of the reception
The bride and groom cut the cake
The bride and groom lead the dancing, followed by the chief bridesmaid and the best man, and the parents of the bride and groom
The best man oversees the decoration of
the going-away car, ensuring that no damage is done
The best man organises transport for the bride and groom and hands over the documents
The bride and groom change into their going-away outfits
The best man places the luggage in the going-away car
The bride and groom say their goodbyes
The bride tosses her bouquet

Wedding Etiquette: Marriage Ceremony (Part I)

Before the ceremony itself takes place, there will almost certainly be an opportunity to attend a rehearsal in the church. The minister will run through all the details of the service and explain the roles of each of the principal members of the wedding party.

It is best if the whole wedding party can attend the rehearsal, but if that is not possible it will help if the best man can be present so that he can later advise anyone who is unsure of the correct procedures.

CHURCH OF ENGLAND WEDDINGS
If you are getting married in an Anglican church, you should have already discussed with the minister whether the service is to be traditional or if it is to be conducted according to an Alternative Service Book version. The minister may have his or her own very definite opinions about this, but both ceremonies are very moving.

If the parents of either the bride or the bridegroom are divorced, a little tact and co-operation all round will help to ensure that the wedding is still a happy occasion, both for them, and for the couple about to be married.

In these circumstances the seating arrangements at the church are slightly altered. If the bride's parents are divorced, her mother will be shown to the first pew on the left-hand side of the church. She may be with her new husband, or, if she has not remarried, with a close relative. The bride's father takes his seat in the second or third pew, also with his new partner if he has remarried. The same arrangements apply to the bridegroom's parents if they are divorced.
Twenty minutes or so before a Church of England wedding is due to begin, the guests will start to arrive. The bride's family and friends are conducted to the left-hand seats of the church and the bridegroom's family and friends to those on the right. The bridegroom and the best man are seated in the front pew on the right-hand side. The bride's mother usually travels to the church with the bridesmaids, who remain in the church porch until the bride and her father arrive.
When the bride has taken her place at the church entrance, the organist will play the entrance music. At this point the congregation rises. The bride takes her father's right arm and they walk down the aisle followed by the bridesmaids. If it is a full choral service the minister may meet the bride in the porch and the procession will be led by the choir, followed by the minister, the bride and her father and the bridesmaids.

The bridegroom and the best man meet the party at the chancel steps. The bride stands on the left of the bridegroom, and her father to her left, but slightly to the rear. The best man positions himself on the right of the bridegroom and, like the father, slightly to the rear. (After the bride's father has given away his daughter, he can take his seat next to his wife in the front pew. The best man can also step to one side after he has presented the ring.)

At this point the chief bridesmaid steps forward to take the bride's bouquet or, if there are no bridesmaids, it may be handed to her father, who in turn may give it to his wife. The bouquet should be returned to the bride before she leaves the church, usually at the signing of the register.

The ceremony then begins. The minister first explains the significance of marriage according to the Scriptures. He or she then calls on the congregation - and the bride and bridegroom - to declare if there is any reason why the couple may not lawfully marry.

The minister then asks each of the couple in turn whether they promise to love, comfort, honour and forsaking all others (in the modern version) protect the other ... 'as long as you both shall live', to which they reply 'I will'.

The bridegroom takes the bride's right hand in his, and they exchange vows 'to have and to hold, from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death us do part'.

The best man gives the ring to the minister, and the bridegroom places it on the third finger of the bride's left hand, or sometimes rings are exchanged. The bridegroom then makes his promise to the bride as follows (in the modern version):

'I give you this ring
as a sign of our marriage.
With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you,
within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.'

The bride responds with the same promise, beginning 'I receive this ring ...' and the minister then pronounces them man and wife. After the marriage, and before signing the register, the minister will sometimes give a short address, especially if one or both of the married couple are known to him or her.

When the service is ended, the wedding party move into the vestry to sign the register. The best man and the chief bridesmaid usually act as the two witnesses. Everyone has a chance to relax now, and one or two photographs are usually taken at the signing.

Coming out of the church, the bride takes the left arm of the bridegroom; they are followed by any small bridesmaids; the chief bridesmaid and the best man; the bride's mother and the bridegroom's father; the bridegroom's mother and the bride's father; and other bridesmaids, often escorted by the ushers. Relatives leave next, followed by special guests and then friends.

Outside, there will be a good deal of milling around as the wedding photographs are taken. Confetti (if it is permitted) will most likely be thrown when the bride and bridegroom decide it is time to leave for the reception.

PLACES DURING THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND CEREMONY



1. Minister
2. Bride
3. Bridegroom
4. Bride's father
5. Best man
6. Chief bridesmaid
7. Bridesmaids



1. Minister
2. Bride
3. Bridegroom
4. Chief bridesmaid
5. Best man
6. Bridesmaids
7. Bride's mother
8. Groom's father
9. Groom's mother
10. Bride's father

REGISTER OFFICE WEDDINGS
The reasons that couples opt for a register office wedding are various, not least of them, of course, being financial. The cost of a full-scale church wedding is now said to average more than £6,000 (at 1998 prices). No matter how that sort of cost is shared, many couples obviously feel that there is a strong case in favour of a register office wedding.

Because there are generally size limitations in a register office there will be room for only a small number of guests to accompany the couple and their two witnesses. Everybody should arrive about ten minutes before the ceremony to ensure that it starts on time, as there will probably be another wedding following shortly. The tradition of the bride arriving with her father is not always, followed; sometimes the bride and groom arrive together.

The ceremony takes about ten to 15 minutes and will be conducted by the Superintendent Registrar. The couple must state that they know of no legal impediment to marrying and will be reminded of the solemn and binding nature of the vows which they will repeat after the registrar. The ring or rings are exchanged and the relevant documents signed by the couple and the witnesses.

APPROVED PREMISES WEDDINGS
The Marriage Act 1994 changed the law in two ways; firstly, local authorities may license 'suitable premises' for the solemnisation of marriage, and secondly there is no need to live in the district in which the marriage is to take place.

It is the intention of The Marriage (Approved Premises) Regulations 1995 to allow civil marriages to take place regularly in hotels, stately homes, civic halls and similar 'suitable premises' without compromising the fundamental principles of English marriage law and maintaining the solemnity of the occasion. A private residential house is unlikely to be an appropriate building as it would not be known to the public as a marriage venue or regularly be available for use. The Regulations preclude marriages from taking place in the open air, in a marquee or any other temporary structure or in most forms of transport. A directory of registered premises in England and Wales is kept by the Marriages Section, P.O.Box 2, Southport, Merseyside, PR8 2JD (telephone 01704 569824).

Couples who choose approved premises generally have the ceremony at the reception venue, since this is much more convenient for the wedding party and guests.
The setting must not resemble a church in any way; for example, prayer books would probably not be allowed. The marriage room must be separate from any other activity on the premises and accessible to the public without charge so that they may witness the marriage and be able to make any objections. No food or drink may be sold or consumed in the marriage room for one hour before or during the ceremony.

As for a register office, the ceremony must not include any religious elements. Any reading, words, music or performance which forms part of a civil ceremony of marriage must be secular. • Many Superintendent Registrars insist on confining the ceremony to include only the legal elements, with perhaps one or two very minor additions, and conduct the proceedings in registered premises rooms in the same way as they do in register offices.

On arrival at the approved premises, the Superintendent Registrar meets the couple privately to explain the procedure. Meanwhile guests gather in the marriage room. The Superintendent Registrar, the bride and groom then enter and the ceremony takes place. After the register is signed and the ceremony is ended, the Superintendent Registrar leaves the premises.

FREE CHURCH WEDDINGS
Most of the Free Church buildings have been registered by a Superintendent of Marriages as buildings in which marriages may be solemnised. Ministers of these churches, be they United Reformed, Baptist, Methodist or other Protestant churches, are generally registered as 'authorised' persons to conduct the marriage service and to act as the registrar, which simply means keeping the marriage register. If such authorisation has not been obtained, a Superintendent Registrar or his or her deputy must be present to record the wedding, although the minister may still conduct the ceremony. Alternatively, a civil ceremony may be conducted by the Superintendent Registrar in his or her office.

The order of service is very similar to that used in the Church of England, with variations within the different denominations. After the bridal procession arrives in front of the minister, together with the bridegroom and best man, the service begins with a declaration of intent. The bride and groom in turn will say:

I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I.....may not be joined in matrimony to .....'

After the minister has asked the congregation if they know of any lawful objection to the marriage, the couple exchange vows and proceed with the ceremony of the ring followed by the blessing. After the service the newlyweds and two witnesses sign the register.

The question of remarriage of divorced people is very much a matter for each minister considering each case on its merits. He or she may have very strong views on the subject or may be willing to give careful consideration to the matter and agree to conduct a church service.

Wedding Etiquette: Bride, Bridegroom, Best Man, Bridesmaides and Pages, Ushers Duties (Part III)

THE BRIDE'S FATHER
Although traditionally the bride's mother organizes the wedding, no doubt she will be assisted in many ways by her husband, since there is a considerable amount of preparation involved and decisions to be made. Many couples may share the organization.

Duties
On the subject of dress the bride's father complies with the bridegroom. If the groom decides that the order of dress will be morning suits, then all the male attendants are required to dress in the same way, including the bride's father and the bridegroom's father.

The main duty of the bride's father is to give his daughter away on her wedding day. When she is ready to leave the house, he accompanies her to the church, then escorts her down the aisle. At the appropriate time in the service, when the minister asks who is giving the bride away, he will take his daughter's right hand and place it in the hand of the minister.

When the service is over he will join the bridegroom's mother as the wedding party proceeds to the vestry for the signing of the register. He also accompanies her out of church, then rejoins his wife.

Once the newlyweds have departed, the bride's parents need to be the next to leave the church to be ready to greet the guests at the reception.

The next duty of the bride's father is to say grace if there is no minister present. He makes a short speech after the meal. Some information on speechmaking appears towards the end of this post. The bride's father and mother are the last to leave the reception.

Expenditure
When it comes to wedding costs, it might be easier to list the items that the bride's father (or in reality, these days, the bride's parents) does not pay for, as traditionally he pays for almost everything on the occasion of his daughter's wedding. Very often nowadays, however, the groom or the groom's father will offer to contribute some part of the cost. The bride's father's main expense will probably be the reception and this is often the area where the bridegroom's father offers to share the cost.

The first bill for the bride's father may be for the engagement party. Then he will have the cost of printing invitations and order-of-service sheets, followed by the bride's dress and attendants' outfits, wedding cake, flowers for the church and reception, cars and photographer.

He will probably buy a new suit or hire morning dress, his wife will have a new outfit, and there will be many other small incidental expenses.

Older couples and those who have lived together generally pay for the wedding themselves. It would be inappropriate to expect retired parents to take on the financial responsibility.

TOASTS AND SPEECHES
Something which many dread and renders others totally dumb is speechmaking. The thought of standing up and 'saying a few words' fills many hearts with fear. If you feel that 'the speech' is a major obstacle, a copy of Wedding Speeches and Toasts by Barbara Jeffery, Wedding Speeches by Lee Jarvis or Mitch Murray's One-Liners for Weddings will prove to be a great help. Apart from guidance on writing and presenting speeches, there are specimens that you can use or adapt as your own.

Order and Content of Speeches
Toasts and speeches are generally made at the end of the wedding breakfast and it may well fall to the best man to act as toastmaster.

1. The bride's father will be called upon first. It is traditional for the . bride's father to propose the toast to the bride and groom, but if the bride's mother is a widow the toast should be made by a relative of mature years (an uncle, for example, or an old family friend). Specific content of the speech obviously depends on the relationship of the speaker to the bride, but a speech made by the bride's father will normally include the following main points:

a. how proud he and his wife are of their daughter;
b. a welcome to his new son-in-law, with perhaps the old saw about gaining a son not losing a daughter;
c. a welcome to the bridegroom's parents;
d. words of wisdom and good wishes to the newlyweds;
e. how confident he and his wife are that the couple's future together will be happy;
f. a toast to the bride and bridegroom.
2. The bridegroom will reply on behalf of his bride and himself along the following lines:
a. thanking his father-in-law for his comments;
b. thanking the bride's parents for giving him their daughter in marriage and for the wedding;
c. thanking his own parents for what they have done;
d. thanking the guests for coming and for their gifts;
e. saying how wonderful his bride is, and how fortunate he is;
f. acknowledging the invaluable help given by his best man;
g. thanking all helpers who have made the day a success;
h. expressing regret if a close family member or a close friend is unavoidably absent;
i. proposing a toast to the bridesmaids.
He may make presentations of the gifts to the attendants if he has not already done so.

3. The best man replies on behalf of the bridesmaids, expressing:
a. the thanks of the bridesmaids for the toast, adding a few complimentary remarks of his own;
b. the thanks of the bridesmaids for their presents;
c. how lucky the groom is to have won such a bride;
d. what a good chap he is anyway and it is what he deserves;
e. congratulatory wishes from a selection of telemessages and cards received;
f. the programme for the rest of the reception.

It is acceptable to group together those telemessages and cards which bear the same or similar good wishes and read the sentiment once only, adding the names of the senders.

The points given are very general ones. It is advisable for speechmakers to find out early on what aspects they will be expected to cover in their speeches, and if there are any awkward areas (e.g. family feuds, divorce or separation in the family etc.) that should be avoided.

Jokes are acceptable provided they are not 'blue' or likely to offend any guests. Aim to speak for a maximum of five minutes; you will be surprised how long five minutes can be when you are standing in front of an audience!

After the three traditional speeches other guests may wish to say a few words; perhaps the bridegroom's father and sometimes the bride. It is essential that the best man or toastmaster ascertains beforehand whether there are likely to be any other speakers so that he can call upon them before the guests relax, thinking that the speeches have finished.

The toast to the bride and groom at a bride's second marriage may still be proposed by the bride's father, but this is unusual; he is not after all giving his daughter away in marriage this time. It would more likely be proposed by a male friend. There are normally only two speeches - this one and the groom's response.

How to Say It
Once you have a draft of your speech prepared to approximately the right length, keep it with you so you can look at it from time to time, and update it as you gain any new information that you wish to include. Do not try to learn it by heart. Instead, get thoroughly familiar with it, so that you can speak it naturally, glancing at your 'script' from time to time to refresh your memory. You will need to speak a little more slowly and distinctly than normal, but never shout and, if you have a regional accent, do not try to change it.

Rehearsing in front of a mirror, taping your voice as you speak, can be very useful in boosting your self-confidence. A video of your speech will be helpful in assessing your performance and will highlight any irritating habits you are unaware of, which might annoy the guests.

Points to Remember:

• Prepare your speech well beforehand. Compile it in large writing, in dark ink, or print clearly. It is useful to highlight pauses and paragraph starts in colour so you can see these at a glance.
• Keep it short. Five minutes is maximum.
• Do not include 'blue' jokes.
• Do not refer to the honeymoon, any previous marriage or liaisons, future family or sex.
• Try not to repeat yourself or over-use the same words or phrases.
• Make sure you have your speech with you when you arrive at the reception.
• Do not drink too much before you present your speech.
• Go to the lavatory in good time before making your speech.
• Speak a little more slowly and clearly than normal, and do not forget to breathe!
• Do not deviate from your prepared speech. You could end up saying something you regret.

CHECKLIST: THE BRIDE
Preparations (*with the bridegroom; * *with the bride's mother)
Discuss with minister*
Church decorations
Music
Organist
Choir
Bells
Order of service
Fees
Confetti
Photographs in church
Video in church
Choose chief bridesmaid/matron of honor
Choose bridesmaids
Choose pages
Draw up guest list**
Arrange for wedding dress and accessories
Buy
Make
Hire

Arrange for outfits for bridesmaids and pages
Buy
Make
Hire
Book hairdressing appointment
Order wedding cake and arrange for delivery**
Order bouquets for self and bridesmaids and arrange for delivery**
Order sprays for bride's and groom's mothers, and buttonholes for bridegroom, bride's and groom's fathers, best man and ushers, and arrange for delivery**
Select and book photographer**
Order wedding cars for wedding party to church and to reception**
Write wedding present list
Choose wedding breakfast menu**
Choose wines**
Arrange press announcement**
Choose going-away outfit and luggage
Write thank-you letters for presents as they arrive
Pack for honeymoon
Attend rehearsal

On the day
Give gifts to bridesmaids
Take luggage and going-away outfit to reception

At the church
Arrive last on father's right arm and proceed up the aisle followed by bridesmaids
At chancel steps give bouquet and gloves to chief bridesmaid
Allow chief bridesmaid to lift veil
After service, with bridegroom follow minister to sign register
Leave church with bridegroom
After photographs, leave first with bridegroom for reception
At the reception
Greet guests with bridegroom after parents
With groom, cut cake
After reception, change into going-away outfit
Save flower from bouquet, and toss bouquet on leaving


CHECKLIST: THE BRIDEGROOM
Preparations (*with bride)
Arrange for registrar or clergy*
Choose best man
Choose ushers
Buy wedding ring*
Arrange and pay for wedding outfit
Buy
Hire
Plan, book and pay for honeymoon
Organize and pay for stag party
Arrange and pay for car from reception
Buy bridesmaids' gifts
Buy best man's gift
Write speech for reception

Pay for:
Flowers of bride and attendants
Buttonholes and sprays
Car for self and best man to church
Car for bride and self to reception
Choose going-away outfit and luggage
Pack for honeymoon
Attend rehearsal

On the day
Give gift to best man
Give money to best man for church fees
Take luggage and going-away outfit to reception
Take going-away car to reception

At the church
Arrive with best man at..............o'clock
Step up to altar when bride arrives
After service, with bride follow minister to sign register
Leave church with bride
After photographs, leave first with bride for reception

At the reception
Greet guests with bride after parents
Respond to toast 'The bride and groom'
give speech and propose toast to 'The bridesmaids'
With bride, cut cake
After reception, change into going-away outfit
Collect documents etc. from best man


CHECKLIST: THE BEST MAN
Preparations
Send formally written reply to invitation within three days of its receipt
Discuss wedding plans with bride, groom and chief bridesmaid
Help to choose ushers
Arrange for own outfit
Buy
Hire
Check that groom and ushers have organized their outfits
Explain duties to ushers
Write speech for reception and check with bride about specific people to be mentioned
Help to organize stag party
Check parking facilities at church and reception
Purchase wedding present and car decorations
Check groom has all necessary documents for wedding and honeymoon
Arrange for car to take groom and self to church
Note details of emergency taxi firms
Check routes to groom's home, to church and to the reception venue
Attend rehearsal

On the day
Check that bridegroom's luggage is ready
Check that bridegroom's change of clothes is ready
Arrange for going-away car to be parked at reception and keep keys
Have tickets and documents for honeymoon
Have cash for church fees
Keep wedding rings safe
Have documents for wedding
Collect buttonholes from bride's mother and take to church
Collect telemessages, cards and order-of-service sheets from bride's mother
Collect bridegroom at........o'clock and take to church

At the church
Ensure that ushers know duties
Hand order-of-service sheets to ushers
Make sure bridegroom, groom's father, self and ushers have buttonholes, and bride's and groom's mothers have sprays
Pay fees to minister
Wait on right of groom and hand over ring or rings at appropriate time
After service, with chief bridesmaid follow bride and groom to sign register
Take charge of groom's hat and gloves in church
Leave church with chief bridesmaid
Usher couple and principal parties to places for photographs
Make sure ushers have arranged transport for guests to reception
After photographs, see couple to car to take them to reception
Leave for reception with bridesmaids after bride and groom, or wait till last

At the reception
Join the end of the receiving line or take charge of guests' coats
Offer drinks to guests
Take charge of any late wedding presents
Collect and vet telemessages and cards
Guide guests to seating plan
Request silence for grace
Call on speakers if there is no toastmaster
Respond to toast of 'The bridesmaids', give speech, read telemessages and cards, give programme for rest of reception
Place luggage in car for honeymoon
Oversee decoration of the going-away car
Hand over documents, keys etc. for the honeymoon
See couple to car after reception
Take charge of groom's wedding outfit

After the wedding
Return wedding outfits of groom and self if hired

CHECKLIST: THE USHERS
Preparations
Arrange for own outfits
Buy
Hire At the church
Arrive at the church at.................o' clock
Collect order-of-service sheets from g best man
Conduct guests to their pews and hand out order-of-service sheets
Ensure guests have transport to reception

At the reception
Offer drinks to guests

After the wedding
Return outfits if hired


CHECKLIST: THE CHIEF BRIDESMAID (MATRON OF HONOR)
Preparations
Arrange for own outfit
Attend rehearsal

On the day
Help to dress the bride for the ceremony
Make sure bouquets are ready for bride and bridesmaids
Look after bridesmaids and pages

At the church
Assemble with bridesmaids and pages in church porch
Arrange bride's dress, veil and train for procession up the aisle
Take bride's bouquet and gloves at chancel steps
Lift bride's veil
After service, with best man follow bride and groom to sign register
Return bouquet and gloves to bride in vestry
Leave church with best man after bride and groom
After photographs, leave for reception with best man and other bridesmaids, after bride and groom

At the reception
Offer drinks to guests
Check that bride's going-away outfit is ready
Check that bride's luggage is ready
Help bride change into going-away clothes
See bride to car

After the wedding
Return bride's and own outfit if hired

CHECKLIST: THE BRIDE'S MOTHER
Preparations (**with bride)
Draw up guest list**
Arrange printing of invitations
Arrange printing of order-of-service cards
Send invitations
List acceptances received
Draw up final guest list
Prepare seating plan
Arrange wedding outfit
Buy
Make
Order bouquets for bride and bridesmaids and arrange for delivery* *
Order sprays for self and groom's mother, and buttonholes for bridegroom, bride's and groom's fathers, best man and ushers, and arrange for delivery* *
Arrange church decorations
Select and book photographer* *
Make arrangements for reception at.....................
Home
Hotel
Restaurant
Private hall

Make catering arrangements
Self
Professional caterers
Choose wedding breakfast menu* *
Choose wines**
Arrange for table decorations
Arrange accommodation for guests
Arrange for printed napkins
Arrange for printed place setting cards
Arrange for musicians/entertainment
Order wedding cars for wedding party to church and to reception
Order wedding cake and arrange for delivery* *
Buy wedding cake boxes
Arrange for neighbour to lock house after bride and father have left
Attend rehearsal

At the church
Arrive before the bride at........o' clock
After service, with groom's father follow bride's father and groom's mother to sign register
Leave church with groom's father
After photographs, leave for reception with husband after bridesmaids

At the reception
With bride's father, greet guests
When all guests have arrived, give signal for wedding breakfast to begin
Arrange display of gifts
Arrange changing room for bride
Arrange display of proof photographs
Take orders for photographs from family and guests

After the wedding
Send pieces of cake to relatives/friends who could not attend wedding
Give order to photographer
Collect and distribute photographs

CHECKLIST: THE BRIDE'S FATHER
Preparations
Arrange for wedding outfit Buy Hire
Write speech for reception Pay for (usually shared with wife):
Reception
Flowers to decorate church and reception
Wedding dress
Wedding cake
Photographer
Wedding cars
Press announcement.
Hairdressing
Invitations and order-of-service printing
Keep buttonhole at home when other sprays/ buttonholes taken to church
Attend rehearsal

At the church
Arrive last with bride on right arm and proceed up aisle
At appropriate moment, give bride's right hand to minister
After service, with groom's mother follow best man and chief bridesmaid to sign register
Leave church with groom's mother
After photographs, leave for reception with
wife after bridesmaids

At the reception
With bride's mother greet guests
Say grace if there is no minister present
When called by best man, give speech and propose toast to bride and groom
Wait until all guests have departed before leaving the reception