Q. My fiance and I both have large families filled with divorce and remarriage, as well as friends from all over the place. We would like to let all know where our bridal registry is, because the tradition of letting the information pass by word of mouth will probably not be sufficient. Is it absolutely inappropriate to include a note in the invitation stating where we are registered? If not, how do we get the information out? There will be no large shower or other gathering bringing everyone together before the wedding.
A. Let's start with something that very few newlyweds-to-be want to hear - "Getting married isn't about receiving gifts - it's about getting married! Getting your bridal registry "out" to friends and family is an absolute no-no (as in don't you dare). The only two traditional ways to let everyone know of your registry is at the bridal shower(s) and your "probably not sufficient" word of mouth. Guests are supposed to be smart enough to ask a friend or family "where are they registers" - however, this is not always the case and the bride and groom can lose out - But again, this is not about STUFF. Putting out "the word" in a note or included in the invitation is like saying "oh, please send money" - or other such gauche statements. Of course, word of mouth is sufficient - those who want to know will ask - those who don't want to know won't ask but will still probably (as is good etiquette) get you something. In the VERY near future look to one of our websites for a free bridal package which will give you a web page - with the couple's photo - wedding and reception information - bridal registry information - and more... all accessed through a password we give you and you give to only those you wish to view the site. This will be a "hey guys, look at me I'm Getting Married" type of site and will give you more leeway in this new turn-of-the-century etiquette we are seeing.